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Entertainment ‘The Night Before Occupy Christmas’

(This beauty of a parody poem appeared in my email in-box today.

I had to share it… THANK YOU Elmo… wherever you are.)

The Night Before Occupy Christmas

By Elmo Machiore

(With apologies to the OTHER Moore—Clement Clarke)

Twas The Night Before Occupy Christmas

________________________________________

Twas the night before Christmas and all through Zucotti

Not an Occupier was stirring—even in the Porta Potty.

The stockings were hung on the fences with care,

In hopes that St. Michael Moore soon would be there.

Twas The Night Before Occupy Christmas

We Occupy kids snuggled up—sans our tents—

But visions of iPads still danced in our sense.

My girlfriend and I ate our free meal, then peed,

And then settled our brains with a few hits of weed.

Twas The Night Before Occupy Christmas

When out on the corner there arose such a clamor,

I sprang from the ground to see why all the drammer.

An old rag on my head and no shoes on my feet,

I tore a mad dash out to Liberty Street.

Twas The Night Before Occupy Christmas

The snowflakes and moonlight were totally awesome.

(I texted my friends: “Dude, I finally saw some!”)

When what to my bloodshot-red eyes should appear

But a big honkin’ limo, with eight Dems in the rear.

Twas The Night Before Occupy Christmas

With its ballcap-clad driver as big as a store,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Moore.

More rapid than Twitter, out the Democrats came,

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:

Twas The Night Before Occupy Christmas

“Now Nancy! Now Harry! Now, Schumer and Sherman!

On, Sanders! On, Boxer! On, Baucus and Berman!

To the midst of the park For our great photo call!

Now tweet away! Tweet away! Tweet away all!”

Twas The Night Before Occupy Christmas

With the speed of a monkey digesting a kiwi

Or of Anthony Weiner when sexting his wee-wee,

So into the park all the Democrats flew

With their big bags of toys, and St. Michael Moore, too.

Twas The Night Before Occupy Christmas

And then in a twinkling I felt the earth quake

As if all of Zucotti had started to shake.

My unwashed head turned toward the source of the din:

Down the sidewalk St. Michael had just waddled in.

Twas The Night Before Occupy Christmas

He was dressed like a bum, from his head to his feet,

The cunning disguise of the Limo Elite.

A bundle of iPads he’d flung on his back.

To us poor helpless souls he was carrying crack!

Twas The Night Before Occupy Christmas

His eyes tried to twinkle with socialist zeal,

but his cheeks said it all—“I do not miss a meal.”

His mouth—when not running—wore the arrogant smirk

Of a man working hard to appear out of work.

Twas The Night Before Occupy Christmas

The ball-cap, the tee-shirt said “I’m one of you!”

(Just ignore all those millions my movies accrue.)

He shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly—

But his 401-K was as big as his belly.

Twas The Night Before Occupy Christmas

I started to doubt our dear Savior’s intent.

And I said to myself “HE’s the ninety-nine percent?!”

But St. Michael, inferring my disquietude,

Gave a wink of his eye that said “No, really, dude!”

Twas The Night Before Occupy Christmas

Amid mumbling “George Bush,” he went straight to his bag

And filled all our stockings with great techno-swag.

Then slurping a Starbucks and looking quite spent,

to the warmth of his limo, St. Michael Moore went.

Twas The Night Before Occupy Christmas

He started the engine in his big, bad-ass ride,

while Schumer and company all piled inside.

But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he started to flee,

“Merry Socialism to all—except of course, me!”

Twas The Night Before Occupy Christmas

Holiday Graphics H/T To Barry Meyer

 

For the tradtionalists, we offer Perry Como’s rendition of the real Christmas classic.

Watch more videos


Comments (11)

  • thescreaminghead
    Posted on November 29, 2011 at 3:53pm

    Do you know what is better than a poem bashing OWS? An OWS guy offering a solution you can go make fun of, even though he makes some great points.

    http://www.occupyxmas.net/2011/11/occupy-xmas-offers-asolution.html

    Report Post »  
  • Cold War Vet
    Posted on November 28, 2011 at 5:40pm

    Good poetry can be so uplifing!

    Report Post » Cold War Vet  
  • Tom K
    Posted on November 28, 2011 at 12:20pm

    Perfect ! Send this one to all of your liberal friends, too.

    Report Post »  
  • TheVoice1
    Posted on November 28, 2011 at 10:14am

    Loved it!!!! lol

    Report Post » TheVoice1  
  • highlandpiper
    Posted on November 28, 2011 at 5:41am

    I found our only 24 hours ago that John McCain and others have sponsored a bill in the Senate to be voted on today(Monday, November 28, 2011. This bill authorizes the warrant less, arrest, indefinite detainment of any American Citizen anywhere in the world including the United States by the United States Military. I have not been able to confirm this independent of facebook postings. There is nothing that I can find on your site, Nothing on Glenn Becks site and nothing on the local TV IN sites and nothing on the BBC. I refuse to go to the Communist News Network. Can you confirm that this is true and if so give the facts?

    Report Post »  
    • CanadianTory
      Posted on November 28, 2011 at 9:54am

      I find it fascinating that you would call it the Communist News Network then claim that you trust the BBC. Conservative Britons consider it to have a specifically Labour Party slant and occasionally refer to it as the Bolshivick Broadcasting Collective.

      Report Post »  
  • The Noodle Fish
    Posted on November 28, 2011 at 1:59am

    Brought tears to my eyes. Absolutely bloody brilliant.

    Report Post » The Noodle Fish  
  • SerikFox
    Posted on November 28, 2011 at 1:35am

    Damn classic. I want someone to record that as a song.

    Report Post »  
  • Snowleopard {gallery of cat folks}
    Posted on November 27, 2011 at 11:34pm

    Twas the night before Christmas and all through the land,
    Not a stirring came from the OWS bands.

    For the Father showed His truth to all,
    To see what we would have befall,
    If we let the socialists transform it all.

    To the champions of the Truth and Liberty,
    May the hearty “Hear! Hear!” be rewarded in Eternity.

    For in His time God gave His greatest gift,
    For the ones known as human to be uplift.

    And to a nation to be,
    He gave the guidance of Liberty.

    For through His grace and truth,
    and the guidance of His revealing light,
    We have made it through the night.

    So to all I say in the land,
    The joy of the Lord and the Father is well in hand.

    Trust in them, and walk in His grace,
    For soon in 2012, we will win the great race.

    Have a merry Christmas to all,
    and good tidings and good cheer in the times ahead.

    Snowleopard.

    Report Post » Snowleopard {gallery of cat folks}  
  • GrumpyCat
    Posted on November 27, 2011 at 10:31pm

    An instant classic!

    Report Post »  
  • brickmoon
    Posted on November 27, 2011 at 7:41pm

    Brilliant! (thunderous applause)

    Report Post » brickmoon  

Comments are closed.

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