Wayne Allyn Root is a former Libertarian vice presidential nominee and the author of “The Conscience of a Libertarian.” He now serves as Chairman of the Libertarian National Campaign Committee. He is a regular guest on Fox News and hundreds of radio shows across America. He is also a gun-slinging, riverboat gambling, entrepreneur and capitalist evangelist. His web site: www.ROOTforAmerica.com
Here is the speech Obama would give if only he was able to tell the truth:
“I know…I know…the State of The Union Is desperate…Frankly, I don’t care. Through my magical stimulus I’ve delivered tens of billions of dollars to my union supporters and made hundreds of my campaign bundlers multi-millionaires. They, of course, kicked back hundreds of millions in contributions to me and my fellow Democrats to make sure we are re-elected, so we can keep the taxpayer money flowing back to them. Don’t ‘ya love it when a plan comes together?
“Yes, I know deficits are destroying America. Quite frankly I don’t give a damn. I need to buy votes and there’s no better way than by redistributing wealth from those who vote against me, to those who vote for me. And since the GOP is blocking my tax increases, and even China isn’t dumb enough to lend it anymore, I’ve got Ben Bernanke printing money 24 hours a day. I then shower it on unions, lawyers, lobbyists, Jeffrey Immelt of GE, and my personal favorite scam…green energy. I’m getting re-elected with ‘Obama money!’ So what if your kids and grandkids will be enslaved to high taxes for generations to come…blah, blah, blah.
“Of course I know GM and Chrysler are going to go broke – again. I squeezed out a few more years of bloated salaries and obscene pensions to my union buddies, who will re-pay me with hundreds of millions in contributions just in time for the 2012 election. With those union pension and healthcare obligations, only an idiot could think these companies would actually survive long term. But think of the timing? I stole enough money from taxpayers to keep these corpses alive for a decade. By the time they fail, I’ll be gone.
“I know most of you hate Obamacare- TOUGH! Those of you who hate it weren’t going to vote for me anyway. You’ve got to look at what a great scam…I mean plan it is for me. I’ll funnel hundreds of billions to my corporate friends who will, of course, kick back hundreds of millions to my re-election campaign. As a bonus, I get to unionize every health care worker in America! More union dues, more kickbacks, MORE DEMOCRATS! Who says Christmas comes only once a year?
“Speaking of my crony friends…how about Warren Buffet? Is he the greatest or what? Humble…caring… a patriot…a benevolent billionaire begging me to raise taxes on the filthy rich. What a scam…er sorry, plan. Everyone listens to a billionaire. He complains to the media about taxes on billionaires and I get to raise taxes on all those Republican small business owners that make $250,000 to $500,000 a year. It’s better than three-card Monte from the streets of Chicago!
“Those higher taxes on the upper middle class give me more money to hire more government employees, who will automatically vote Democrat to protect their jobs. But wait, it gets even better…
“All those new government employees will pay union dues- more kickbacks and contributions to Democrats. And we were able to afford it by punishing wealthy voters who vote Republican. They’re paying me to beat them for years to come. Even Fidel couldn’t think up anything this good!
“Here’s the best part of Buffet’s scam- he’s already got his $50 billion. Higher taxes don’t affect him one iota and he’s killed the competition. After we cripple them with taxes, they’ll never be able to compete with him. What a guy!
“But wait. For helping me raise taxes…I also push all the crippled companies begging for government bailouts like B of A and Goldman Sachs straight to Buffet, who then loans money to them at loan shark terms. All those companies then write big checks to my re-election campaign. Even the Gambino crime family wasn’t this ruthless.
“Is this brilliant, or what? Let me say it again about Warren… what a scammer…er, WHAT A GUY!
“Now to the most important part of the State of the Union. I know ’green energy’ is the biggest fraud in world history. Do you think I’m a complete idiot? Well, at least the biggest fraud since we made up ‘global warming.’ But we took care of that little mistake. We’ve changed the name to ’climate change.’ That covers us whether it gets hotter or colder. Either way we demonize business so when American manufacturers move jobs offshore to get away from our anti-business scheme, guess who I get to blame? American business! Isn’t this country great?
“Moreover, I’ve been able to damage the domestic coal and oil business by blaming them for harming the environment. That’s created a boom for the rest of the world to supply us. Oh, I know, most of these other countries support terrorism and hate America. But that’s a small price to pay so Michelle and I can travel the world and be treated like rock stars.
“And, as a bonus the U.S. economy has been weakened, making American citizens even more dependent on big government (that’s me). Soon, everyone will be either working for government (me), or collecting a handout from government (me). After that, no one will ever question big government again.
“You know what I call 45 million Americans on food stamps? A small start.
“You know what I call twelve million illegal aliens? As soon as I pass amnesty, you can call them twelve million Democrat voters. That puts me and my socialist cabal in control of D.C. forever.
“Finally, let me be clear…I don’t care about the state of the union. I care about the teachers union, autoworkers union, SEIU, and government employees union.
“I get shivers just thinking about Karl Marx and Saul Alinsky looking up at me from hell and smiling. I’ve done what even they thought could never be done. Who said you can’t fool 51% of the people all the time?
“God Bless Me and God Bless America.”