The winner:

“Estrogen therapy is not for everyone. Side effects may include bloating, puffiness, tenderness in the breasts, pale skin, and a chronic goofy smile.”– RMAN3

Runners-up:

“I can be fitted for a straight jacket too?”– IMPENITENT

“I don’t want anybody else. When I think about you I touch myself.”– NIXOBAMA

“ObamaCare doesn’t cover stitches, staples, or wires, so I’m holding my heart surgery incision and ribs together with my hands, until they heal.”– LEADNOTFOLLOW