…And you’ll never guess which disgruntled voters they interviewed. I literally laughed out loud.

Emphases alllll mine:

Groups of graduate students who hang out at The Partisan, an indie band bar near the University of California-Merced campus, like their liquor and their politics straight up.

Yeah, because the typical undecided voter clearly hangs out at a hipster bar on a California state university campus.  Uh-huh.  But go on, CNN — tell us why Romney didn’t win the debate last night.

Many of them felt they only got one of those things after watching the debate between President Barack Obama and Republican nominee Mitt Romney on Wednesday night.

“I don’t know what universe Romney is living in,” said Beth Hernandez-Jason, a doctoral student in American Latino literature. “I was kicked off my parents’ health insurance by age 25 as was my little sister and she was reinstated because of the changes in the health care system.”

Woe is the 30-year-old American Latino literature specialist.  I can’t imagine why having a doctorate in literature wouldn’t have prospective employers lined up outside your door!  But I digress…

And Hernandez-Jason, like several people in the bar, felt Obama’s performance fell flat.

“I am disappointed in Obama. I felt like he was holding back. He’s too nice,” she said. “I understand that he has to come across nice but come on. After you hear Bill Clinton talk at the convention, he was willing to say it straight and not pull punches and it’s unfortunate that (Obama) doesn’t feel comfortable doing that.”

Yeah, that’s Obama’s problem — he’s too nice.  Never you mind the fact that your city has the nation’s second-highest foreclosure rate and an unemployment rate at 17.5% — that’s twice the national average.  Obama’s policies are clearly working for you. If only he’d just stop being so darn nice…

For another completely objective opinion, CNN interviewed Dorie Perez, another doctoral student/bar rat.  ”It was surprisingly dry. I was unimpressed to be honest. I know the expectations weren’t that high for the president but I wanted him to be more aggressive,” she said.

Perez is undoubtedly coming to the realization that all of her studies in political science have prepared her for a career as chief barista at her neighborhood Starbucks.  With the highly coveted tenure track in professor-ing no longer readily available, she’ll have to serve up a lot of piping hot mocha to pay off her student loans.  It’s not surprising, then, that she was eagerly listening to last night’s debate for any mentions of “addressing student loan rates and soaring tuition costs.”

“I’m under 30. I’m trying to start a career and a life,” Perez added. “Academic departments are shrinking their budget and the idea that I’m going to put next five years of my life into it is terrifying.”

Yeahhhhh. I’ll take a venti nonfat caramel macchiatto to go.  And make it quick — I’m late for work.