The winner:

Double parked curing the munchies for Chinese food? I guess rent isn’t the only thing that’s too damn high.– CANE4U

Runners-up:

“Hey Jimmy, let me show you how it’s done. Wipe on, wipe off. All clean now. That will be ten bucks.”– LEADNOTFOLLOW

Public charging stations end old-fashion housing.– SPIRITED

“No, I can’t spare any cashew chicken.”– ALLAMERICANGIRL22

Honorary mention:

“Jimmy, repeat after me… ‘The Truth Has No Damn Agenda!’”– MIKE OPELKA