The Rev. Jesse Jackson always has a lesson to teach us and today is no exception. For example, during his interview with Fox News’ Martha MacCallum Monday, Jackson taught us that people who make guns are more responsible for murders than the people who pull the trigger. And in a rare physics lesson, I learned that a rifle could shoot down a passenger jetliner. Who knew?!
This made me think about all of the many things I’ve learned from Jesse Jackson — and there are many. Take, for instance, the mental health of Jesus Christ. I attend church, I read the Bible and even attended Catholic school for a while, but it was Jackson who taught me that Jesus was depressed. In a separate religious lesson, Jackson also taught me that gay marriage is tantamount to polygamy and Rev. Jeremiah Wright is actually a nice man. Yeah…
In civics, Jackson has taught us that unions protesting rules on collective bargaining are actually civil rights heroes and the modern-day equivalent to Rosa Parks, or something.
And at the Detroit Auto Show this week, we get a Jesse Jackson vocabulary lesson. He said: ”New cars are squirbely.”
Squirbely (as defined by Urban Dictionary):
1. the sound that turtles and/or Turtles (fans of the band Paradise Fears or Paradise Fears The Turtle) make. this sound can be heard being shouted at Paradise Fears concerts around the United States. while it is generally a noise, squirble can also be used as a verb, and sometimes a noun or adjective.
“squirble it up!”
2. The act of simultaneously stimulating the genitals of a squirrel and a gerbil.
“Dude, I totally got my squirble on today!”
3. A rare pokemon. Half Squirrel and half Gerbil. This pokemon has very distinct features including a long tail soft fur.
Dude I’m so drunk I caught a squirble.
See what I mean? The guy is a genius.