A dispatch from the satirical The Onion, regarding Wednesday reports that chemical weapons were used against rebels in Syria:

Obama deeply concerned after Syrians...

“Assuring the nation that he was ‘carefully monitoring the situation,’ President Barack Obama expressed his ‘deep concern’ this morning after several hundred Syrian men, women, and children were discovered gassed to death overnight on the White House lawn. ‘The use of chemical weapons on the South Lawn, or anywhere on the White House grounds, is unacceptable, and I strongly condemn these actions,’ read a statement issued by the president, which failed to acknowledge his previous stern warnings that any poison gas attacks on civilians within 400 feet of the Oval Office would cross a ‘red line’ that would draw an international response.”

It’s satire, of course.

@eScarry