The Onion managed to track down the veep who’s been absent from the public spotlight lately:

M.I.A. Joe Biden has finally been found

The satirical paper reports:

Disoriented and “freezing his g**d*** nuts off,” a naked Vice President Joe Biden reportedly awoke Thursday morning on an autopsy table in the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner, White House sources confirmed. [...]

According to longtime aides, this is not the first time Biden has found himself “doing time in the deep freeze.” In 2010, the vice president awoke under a pile of dead bodies after a botched “business” deal in Mexico as well as in Moscow, where a dispute over a backroom billiards game turned “pretty hairy real damn quick.”