Obama Is Barrycading Your Cat

Once upon a time . . . there lived a mean-spirited bully who had been chosen president of his country.

More than anything else, the Chosen One wanted to be idolized and feared by the commoners under his rule. This would enable him to control them so they wouldn't interfere with his agenda to fundamentally transform their country into a third world nation.

One day, the Chosen One summoned his number one devious cohort, Eric the Enforcer, to a very private meeting. After the door was bolted and the curtains drawn, the Chosen One unlocked his vault and extracted a thick “top secret” folder and a dog-eared copy of Saul Alinsky’s “Rules for Radicals.”

The Chosen One said, “I’ve just received a directive from Command Central to enact Step One of the Oil Dependency Program and issue their executive order to halt domestic fracking, drilling, and oil exploration. Then, our Muslim brothers in the Mid-East can jack up oil prices so gasoline will cost $10 a gallon.”

Eric frowned, "Whew! Really bad timing. This is gonna' hurt us in the congressional elections next year."

The Chosen One said, "Doesn’t have to if we stay on course and stick with the plan."

He opened the Alinsky book and read, “The key to achievement of unpopular goals is to create a crisis that generates an emotional response, and then resolve it."

The Chosen One opened the top-secret folder and read, "Step Two. Declare the crisis."

"I’ll announce a Blue Ribbon Panel to investigate the drastically declining bird population. Our media will help spread panic about how America is losing her best natural defense against insects that destroy food crops and spread plagues like the West Nile Virus.

“The media will publicize Fish and Wildlife Services statistics about how 60 million birds are killed every year when they fly into plate glass windows. Uncounted millions of birds are shot by hunters. Hundreds and thousands of migratory fowl are poisoned when they drink from oil-polluted rivers and lakes, drown in oil spills or retention ponds at drilling sites.

“And, here’s the really big one. 3.7 billion birds are killed by ordinary house pets.”

Eric was astounded. “Uh oh, my sister-in-law will kill me if I come after Tabby. And she's not the only one. Millions of Americans will throw hissy fits and stage protest marches. They won’t give up their fur-ball-vomiting machines without a fight."

The Chosen One smiled. “Relax. It’s all part of the strategy to get folks riled up. Then, when a solution (that doesn’t involve Tabby) is offered, everybody will be relieved and go along. Nobody will care about the skyrocketing prices of gas, oil, electricity, food, and health care.”

“All we gotta' do is follow the program, step-by-step-by-step.”

He read from the folder. “Blah, blah, blah . . . yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it. The high cost of energy will force small businesses to close. America’s manufacturing and private business base will decline. Millions of commoners will be forced onto welfare, which will crash the economy. This sets the stage for a new currency and establishment of an elite ruling class in a socialist-controlled welfare state . . . our ultimate goal.”

Eric looked puzzled. “But, won’t Congress declare your moratorium to be an un-Constitutional overreach of presidential power and file a lawsuit?”

The Chosen One sneered. “I don’t need no stinkin’ Congress. I have you to drag, drag, drag their lawsuit through the courts at a snail’s pace. By the time my action is declared to be unconstitutional, it’ll be too late. America will be cemented into our new agenda.”

Eric commented, “But . . . but . . . what about those tea-party terrorists plotting a Senate takeover? If they’re successful, you’ll have two branches of government working against you.”

He paused, “Of course, there’s always the fall-back solution. Good thing we got the FEMA camps, um . . . I mean, the re-education centers set up and ready to be occupied.”

The Chosen One thumbed through pages in the folder.

“OK, Let’s get going on the crisis. Set up a meeting with my Greenies and instruct them to leak the possibility that all homeowners might have to replace clear glass windows with non-reflecting glass. Costly, to be sure, but this will prevent unnecessary bird deaths.

“Next, set up a meeting with the PETA people and instruct them to leak the possibility of making it illegal to hunt birds.”

Eric brightened. “That’s not gonna make those Duck Dynasty people very happy, happy, happy.”

The Chosen One shrugged and continued to read. “Set up a meeting with the EPA people. Instruct them to publicize the horrible deaths suffered by birds that are innocent victims of energy exploration, drilling, and fracking. Tell them to leak videos of crying children holding oil-covered ducklings.”

Eric asked, “What if the question comes up about the hundreds and thousands of birds, including eagles, which are sliced and diced by wind turbines?"

The Chosen One shrugged. “Not to worry. My media will continue to bury those reports.”

He continued. “Then, set up a meeting with the Audubon Society people and instruct them to leak their recommendation that cats be confined to cages so they can’t intrude into the great outdoors, i.e., the bird’s natural habitat.”

The Chosen One grinned and put his feet up on his desk. “Then, just watch the outrage. Cat lovers will rant and rave over the cruelty of nine consecutive life sentences for Tabby.

“We’ll let this go on for a bit, until everybody is all worked up. Then I’ll graciously announce my willingness to negotiate a comprehensive solution. No window replacements will be required. Hunting will be allowed. And, precious Tabby will be free to roam, stalk, and pounce, as usual . . . in return for closing the spigots of the bird-killing, oil production facilities in America.

“Millions of cat owners will sigh with relief.

“Goal achievement will be set into motion as America moves along the path toward energy dependence and economic destruction.”

Eric said, “Don’t forget about the growing demand for electric cars once all the gas guzzlers are abandoned. I’ll rewrite the laws so we can set up the world’s largest on-line Volt dealership.”

They high-fived and headed to the basketball court to shoot hoops.

The end.

PS: This fable points out how the President of our country and his minions follow a powerful strategy of diversion as taught by his mentor, Saul Alinsky, the Godfather of Community Organizing. Did you think the “war on women” that dominated the headlines during the 2012 campaign was a real issue? Silly you! Like ferrets chasing a shiny object, Republicans leaped into the debate and tragically/stupidly/inadvertently (pick the adverb of your choice) diverted attention away from the real issues: a tanked economy, looming destruction of our healthcare system, and a government focused on achieving fundamental transformation of America.

Feature Photo Credit: Courtesy of Author

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