Before we get to the video of Glenn…full disclosure: I was in the room at the National Archives while Glenn examined George Washington’s first inaugural address. I examined it, too. Did I “hold” it? That depends on what the definition of “hold” is. Perhaps I “hold” it closer in my heart for having gazed upon it? Perhaps I “hold” it in greater esteem for having pondered the care and craftsmanship of the author and his solemn decision to accept a course that he would not have sought.

In that moment, my heart lept with gratitude. Primarily for the fact that I had jammed a pair of 1.25 reading glasses in my laptop case. I’m no Sandy Berger, but I’m going to confess here that my very eyes came within 18 inches, perhaps 12 or 14, of the esteemed document.

All of this to say that I found it beyond laughable that lib-crits pounced on Glenn Beck’s assertion that he “held” the document. I’ve read a couple of the Beck slam pieces. Full disclosure: I glanced at them briefly. Wait. Damn. I was “holding” my laptop while I read them. So indeed, I “held” these artful criticisms in my very hands.

Right now, my face is about 20 inches from my laptop screen. Yes, I’m wearing the reading glasses. I’m not leaning in close to the screen in anyway comparable to the way I leaned forward to examine the Washington inaugural. FYI — the casing of the speech provided no opportunity to Tweet or “Like” the document. So while my intense and “closer” observation of the speech provided breathtaking moments to ponder for a lifetime, indeed, I will admit that those moments can’t fully equate to the physical reality of my “holding” of the laptop which radiated the Helvetica-mockery of Beck’s claim.

I read (rapidly perused) one account (not worth a hyperlink) that asserted with some authority that Beck & Co. had only briefly entered an Archives sanctum for rapid perusal of Chelsea Handler’s bar tabs. Full disclosure: The last four words of the previous sentence were not actually the implication of the account I had perused. The actual “truth” is that our small group had more than an hour — an epic, epic hour — to examine 15 rare documents from this nation’s history. I have the notes on the Moleskin notebook I “held” at the time.

Did I “hold” or “touch” any of the documents? Ask Sandy Berger. Did Glenn? Do copious streams of dripping tears count? Just asking. I’m going to be bold here and also indict a non-Glenn member of the Beck family who began to weep while looking at Thomas Jefferson’s letter of congratulations to his country upon the execution of the Louisiana Purchase.

While I’ve watched Glenn “hold” his iPad and never been as moved as watching him read the words of Washington “held” inches from his eyes (lets not start on how what he “sees” must mean to him now), he decided to confess:

Perhaps the sagest observation falls to Mediaite’s Steve Krakauer:

Seriously though – this was the egregious lie that came out of the Restoring Honor speech, left-wing media? There has to be something better…