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4th Grader Pens Epic Letter to Local Meteorologist: ‘Unicorn Servants Will Feed You Doughnuts Off Their Horns’

Mar. 16, 2012 9:36am Billy Hallowell

Most children have the ability to exercise their imaginations to a more profound degree than their adult counterparts. Take, for instance, Flint, a fourth-grade student from Texas who was so impressed with a local weatherman who came to visit his school that he wrote an insanely-descriptive “thank you” letter. In it, he mentioned bacon, a tuxedo-wearing monkey, a cyborg unicorn and plenty more.

“You’re more awesome than a monkey wearing a tuxedo made out [of] bacon riding a cyborg unicorn,” the young boy wrote to KVUE’s Albert Ramon. “Some day when I become supreme ultra-Lord of the universe, I will not make you a slave, you will live in my 200 story castle where unicorn servants will feed you doughnuts off their horns.”

Pretty descriptive for a fourth-grader, no? Here’s a picture of the note:

4th Grader Writes Meteorologist Albert Ramon Epic Unicorn Letter

See, Flint was apparently so captivated by Ramon and the lesson the Austin-based meteorologist gave at his school that he even drew pictures to accompany his note. Here’s an image of Ramon sitting on a throne and being offered doughnuts by — you guessed it — a unicorn:

4th Grader Writes Meteorologist Albert Ramon Epic Unicorn Letter

On his Twitter account, Ramon confirmed that the letter is real and that it did, indeed, come from Flint. He was apparently so impressed with the accolades showed upon him, that the meteorologist posted the letter on his Facebook page. Now, it’s making its way around the blogosphere:

4th Grader Writes Meteorologist Albert Ramon Epic Unicorn Letter

Considering the note’s descriptive nature and Flint’s ability to exercise his imagination, the child could one day find himself with a career in creative writing.

(H/T: Huffington Post)

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Comments (200)

Duckhead
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:38am
That is not written by a child.

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- Stoic one
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:53am
  To that I would say: Mozart is a fictional construct of history? Any and all gifted children are frauds prostituted by the parents?
  
  Your disbelief without facts to back it up astounds me sir/madam.
  
  Report this comment
- Itsjusttim
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:54am
  Well who was it written by then hmm?
  
  Report this comment
- Alastair
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 11:06am
  Written by a child who watches too much TV outside of his content range (lookin at you, Tosh.0)
  
  Report this comment
- randy
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 11:13am
  @STOIC ONE
  
  And your belief, without facts to back it up, astounds me sir/madam.
  
  The day that kid takes out a clean pice of paper and writes something similar,
  will be the day I believe it.
  
  “We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.”
  
  Report this comment
- Onowicit
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 11:18am
  Do not underestimate the powers of our future ultra-lord. Dear Ultra-lord, I like chocolate with sprinkles.
  
  Report this comment
- Stoic one
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 11:22am
  Randy,
  So the above article is complete fiction?
  IF that’s the case then what are we doing here? OH I know “the thirteenth floor”.
  
  Report this comment
- colt6920
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 11:23am
  Im sure it was written by Obama as part of some socialist pacification ploy….you can’t leave that man alone for even a second. Geez people get a sense of humor..I have a nephew that age and that is the EXACT thing he would make up.
  
  Report this comment
- The Gooch
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 11:27am
  This is 100% Greg Gutfekd (The Five, Red Eye). Yeah, it’s funny… and stolen material. But Gutfeld is a good guy and will probably be flattered by this little nimrod’s homage.
  How the hell could anyone who watches either of those shows not see Gutfeld’s fingerprints all over this? The unicorn reference is a dead give away.
  
  Report this comment
- dragon1969
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 11:31am
  Its not that creative people…. It came from Planet Sheen on Nickelodeon.. spinoff of Jimmy Neutron ….dont you people watch stupid cartoons anymore.
  
  Report this comment
- The Gooch
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 11:31am
  This kid is ripping off a Greg Gutfeld rant. The unicorn reference is a dead give away. Gutfeld’s diatribes are insane… and funny as hell. I cannot be the only Gutfeld fan on this forum.
  
  Report this comment
- alishamommyof5
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 11:48am
  Anyone who thinks a kid didn’t write this, must have children with no imaginations. Or, no children at all.
  
  Report this comment
- randy
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 11:52am
  Like I said, I don’t believe anything coming out of Austin.
  In this day and age of doing anything to get your 15 minutes of fame,
  I would not rule out the teacher looking over the kids shoulder helping him with this.
  Like I said. Prove it by having him write another one in a room alone oh stoic one.
  
  Report this comment
- isur5ed
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 11:59am
  The thought of a doughnut on a unicorn horn is not monopolized by Greg Gutfekd, silly. Hasn’t it ever crossed your mind. Sounds like a perfectly childlike pretend. My 4th grader is equally as off the wall and eccentric in his stories. This story is not a fraud, just and invitation to enjoy the genius of childhood. Perhaps Gutfekd’s success come from never growing up.
  
  Report this comment
- Trebuchet
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 12:09pm
  sounds like another Philp K. Dick in the making.
  
  Report this comment
- Cemetery
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 12:15pm
  Hold the damn phone, did someone just compare this **** to Mozart? Actually, this kid’s writing is sadly better than what most full grown adults come up with.
  
  Report this comment
- TheSoundOf Truth
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 12:51pm
  It was actually written by Barney Frank
  
  Report this comment
- SerikFox
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 1:37pm
  All people have natural talents for some things, and others for another thing. Kids are no different.
  
  Report this comment
- CyberJocky
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 1:47pm
  I think you’re right, it was obviously written by Grege Gutfeld. Man that guy gets around!
  
  Report this comment
- red1
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 1:54pm
  Gutfeld could easily pass for a fourth-grader. I think he is this kid.
  
  Report this comment
- ChiefGeorge
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 2:02pm
  Sounds like we’ve found our young anti-christ in waiting…very charismatic indeed. Just kidding! If he wrote it, its very amusing!
  
  Report this comment
- TomFerrari
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 2:07pm
  He had me at “BACON!” !!
  
  Report this comment
- Master_and_Commander
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 2:16pm
  oh good lord, you people are already going down the path of conspiracy theories…
  
  Report this comment
- WeekendAtBernankes
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 2:25pm
  Could’ve easily been written by a child who reads a lot of books above his age level, plays video/computer games, has parents that encourage and challenge him to learn, etc. You’d be amazed at the learning ability of 10 year-olds, given the proper environment and a little bit of born talent.
  
  Report this comment
- Aidan MacAnBhaird
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 2:36pm
  @Duckhead: You apparently have never worked with children for any length of time. This young man sounds eerily similar to the same age-group of boys. . . way up here in OhioLand! Children and sponges have a lot in common; they mutually have an incredibly porous nature to both simultaneously suck up that in their surroundings and to seep out such nonsense as, “please clean your room,” or “your only chore today is to take out the garbage.”
  
  The show to which this young lad refers takes imagination to glorious heights. He has absorbed his surroundings and utilized them brilliantly! That you would think this is an impossible feet for an average 4th grader is sad, indeed. Go volunteer at the church sunday school, a Scout Troop, or the school’s reading mentor program. They will teach you a thing or two about the joys of life. Give it a try, I dare you. Prove yourself wrong and have a blast in the process!
  
  Report this comment
- The-Monk
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 2:45pm
  Me thinks he reads/watches too much Harry Potter.
  
  Report this comment
- AffirmationChick
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 3:28pm
  At the very least, he had a lot of help from Mom or Dad. My doubt mostly comes from his perfect uses of “you’re” and “their.”
  
  Report this comment
- Guttersmack
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 3:40pm
  I’m with you Gooch. (nice handle, btw)
  I enjoy The Five b/c I can listen to Gutfield, and watch Guilfoyle….. (most of the time)
  
  Report this comment
- Jaycen
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 4:49pm
  I read Animal Farm and 1984 in 4th grade. Some children at that age are certainly capable of writing at that level.
  
  Report this comment
- freethinking
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 5:29pm
  Assuming the hate and vitriole that sometimes appears on places like here comes from “adults” , I’m not so sure. Kids are ‘tape recorders’, what goes in get played back. Sounds like cool parents.
  
  Report this comment
- Zer0
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 5:54pm
  Obama’s manifesto.
  
  Report this comment
- Look4DBigPicture
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 7:07pm
  I used to be a cub scout leader and some of the boys in my den were that creative – especially if they read Harry Potter books or played a lot of video games.
  
  Report this comment
- spamwitch
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 7:32pm
  I believe it fits the handwriting and style of a child his age, and I also believe I would have been as impressed as to post it on my FB as well. The hatred is out of control, take the blue pill next time.
  
  Report this comment
- silentwatcher
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:51pm
  the kid spells better than half the adults….too well?
  
  Report this comment
- mauijonny
  Posted on March 17, 2012 at 2:59am
  That was too cute! This kid’s a future Greg Gutfeld.
  
  Report this comment
- Pacman116
  Posted on March 17, 2012 at 4:43am
  Dear Ultra-lord, I like chocolate covered doughnuts please.
  
  Report this comment
- ChevalierdeJohnstone
  Posted on March 17, 2012 at 6:53am
  In fourth grade I wrote a book.
  Didn’t publish it though – the publishing industry had a surplus of magic unicorns at the time.
  Still, those of you who think that letter couldn’t have been written by a fourth-grader have some pretty dumb children.
  That’s about a 2nd-grade writing level where I come from. Flint’s teachers need to stop bringing the weatherman to school and teach him how to spell.
  
  Report this comment
- Clare Clare
  Posted on March 17, 2012 at 8:18am
  As a former teacher, I can assure you that it is entirely possible that it was!
  
  Report this comment
AllAmericanGirl22
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:38am
So adorable!! Kids are so funny :D lol

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- Itsjusttim
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:56am
  Oh yeah, they are just funny and cute, but nothing to learn from them huh? Like the Good Book says: people will plant vineyards and not drink the wine thereof.
  
  Report this comment
- MoreCowbell
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 1:15pm
  @ITSJUSTTIM geez, man, chill out! @allamericangirll22 was just commenting on how funny a kid was. Don’t get all fire and brimstone up in here.
  
  Report this comment
- AllAmericanGirl22
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 4:51pm
  @ITSJUSTTIM Okay..I didn’t say there was nothing to learn from them. I was just saying its cute. chill out.
  @MORECOWBELL thank you.
  
  Report this comment
HUGGINGMYBABIES
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:30am
All I can say is WOW 4th grade and he spells like that?!?!? Clearly they should be spending more time on punctuation, grammar and spelling and not on the weather. With that said, I see a bright future in Hollywood for this little goober!

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tricia
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:28am
Exaggerated grandeur for himself and those he admire. Very strange for a 9 or 10 year old I think.

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MF3500
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:26am
Sounds like the meteorologist has done a great job in his presentation…to excite kids these days to this point takes a special person. Maybe HE needs to become a teacher.

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randy
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:26am
I don’t believe it was a 4th grader writing this……
I believe it was one of his looney parents.
Come on people, the kid is from Austin, TX
where their motto is “Keep it Weird in Austin”
Spelling, grammar and punctuation is just too correct for a 4th grader.
Even the drawing of the unicorn looks like an adult trying to pass as a child.
Bottom line, I’m not buying this.

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- piper60
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:28am
  Why could it not be from a child? Are all children bereft of their imaginations?
  
  Report this comment
- MoreCowbell
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:35am
  This looks like something my 5th grader would write. I definitely believe it was from a 4th grader. Some of you people just don’t give kids the credit they deserve. Rock on, Flint.
  
  Report this comment
- randy
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:39am
  Did I say anything about “imagination”
  “Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.”
  
  Report this comment
- SovereignSoul
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 12:00pm
  Spelling and grammar are too good? Read it again. There are at least a dozen errors that should be corrected by anyone with an average fourth grade writing ability.
  
  Report this comment
- jbcTX
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 12:21pm
  The correct motto is “Keep Austin Weird”
  
  Report this comment
- NOITUloveR
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 12:28pm
  Sorry, but my 2nd grader writes as well as this and has the imagination to go with it. Fess up and confirm you have not had any young children this century.
  
  Report this comment
- Master_and_Commander
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 2:23pm
  all you conspiracy theorist nut jobs are just complete morons. You can’t even believe a story like this without dissecting it and questioning the truth of the story… fyi, I remember back many many years ago when my younger brother was in 1st grade, and he wrote something very similar to this (although there were more spelling mistakes of course). So what is so hard about believing that a 4th grader can do this?
  
  Report this comment
- Nathen
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 3:46pm
  WOW! Where did you go to school???? You think this was good grammar???? It is HORRIBLE! When I was a 4th grader I wrote WAY better than this and I was just in a small town school. This is something I could have easily written in second or third grade. It is kinda funny but isn’t that great. Nothing about this shows it’s from an adult though. But you probably think the earth is flat, we never landed on the moon, and you were abducted and anal-probed as a child. Crazies like you aren’t worth contributing to conversations like this one.
  
  Have a good day :)
  
  Report this comment
- 1moreOutnumbered
  Posted on March 17, 2012 at 5:05am
  @Randy You’re a jacka$$. I live just outside of Austin and my 4th grader writes stuff like this all the time. Just a few months ago he showed me a story he wrote about a ninja that rescues a princess from a castle. Any kid that age with an active imagination that reads at or above their level could have written that. Some people need to chill out and just enjoy children being children.
  Also, the correct motto is “Keep Austin Weird.” Before you jump on that train as well, no I’m not a fan of living in the most liberal city in the state, it just happens to be where a lot of the hi-tech jobs are at.
  
  Report this comment
hauschild
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:26am
“Marvelis”

:)

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Mapache
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:25am
That does not look like the meanderings of a fourth grader…..it would seem to me to out of the warped and twisted mind of Gregg Guttfield….nobody loves Unicorns more the Gregg and he COULD tell you how many donuts fit on a unicorns horn.

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- ph2691
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 11:18am
  LOL,,,funny I thought the same thing.. and he would know how many donuts would fit on a unicorn’s horn… weird…lol
  
  Report this comment
alina.bolero
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:25am
Epic-ness has become such a tired and exaggerated claim. But … yes … this is EPIC!

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barncats
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:24am
I am surprised the school did not do some co-parenting and call DSS on the parents… this kid is obviously troubled (insert sarcasm here).

“You are more awesome then a monkey wearing a tuxedo of bacon” That has to be the greatest line ever written!

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NeoFan
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:22am
Thats the kids response to being taught about Global Warming.

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- Marine25
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 11:39am
  or Christianity perhaps?
  
  Report this comment
HuskerDave
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:21am
This kid correctly identified that any meteorologist who believes in man-made ‘climate change’ will also likely believe in the existence of unicorns… ;)

Honestly though, pretty great imagination on this kid!

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SpankDaMonkey
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:18am
.
I bet his Grandma’s name is Moonbean, or something kinda 60′s…….

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Drum Man
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:15am
LOL! Too funny. Nice job kid!

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Warphead
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:04am
It could be that the kid is even smarter than we think. This could very well be sarcasm. The kid could be comparing a wild fairyland with unicorns with that of the average meteoroligists ability to actually predict the weather.

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Rick494
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:02am
I look forward to reading the books this kid writes in the future.

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- smithclar3nc3
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:07am
  I actual thought the kid was being sarcastic using mythical beast and fantasy idea to make fun of a profession that can’t predict tuesday much less tuesday’s weather.
  
  Report this comment
SistaTriscuit
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:01am
Haha! Flint is TOTALLY channeling Napoleon Dynamite. ;-)

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- biohazard23
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:14am
  Vote for Pedro!
  
  Report this comment
- SistaTriscuit
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 11:24am
  Make all your wildest dreams come true!
  
  Report this comment
- biohazard23
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 12:06pm
  Gosh!
  
  Report this comment
littlefish
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:01am
This will probably show up in one of Husseins upcoming speeches as expert testimony for
Global Warming

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hi
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 9:58am
The teachers will put him on ADD meds and it will destroy all of his creativeness. (by telling parents he needs it) He is probably a day-dreamer, which they hate, or very active and cannot sit still, which they hate.

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- littlefish
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:02am
  He should be called to testify to congress . . . .his world view isn’t any more imaginary than Hussein’s
  
  Report this comment
Grasshopper42
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 9:55am
I wouldn’t be surprised if the youngster doesn’t get suspended for making racist remarks.

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Itsjusttim
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 9:49am
Haha. This child has a better grip on reality than most adults. I suppose that’s why children belong to the Lord, because they haven’t been polluted yet.

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- RonmeyPaulBotsrOdd
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 9:56am
  Really? You think he has not been polluted…referring to himself as “supreme ultra-lord of the universe” aka GOD. Enslavement fantasies? It may seem cute to you, but I have to wonder if the kid worships video games or understands there is God. Whatever – seems pretty strange within many tangents.
  
  Report this comment
- MidWestMom
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:06am
  That “ultra-lord” and “enslavement” stuff was kinda creepy.
  
  Report this comment
- SistaTriscuit
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:08am
  Seriously, Ronmeyspaulbotsrodd? He is a 4th grader with an active imagination – I’d predict that this child also happens to be the class clown & is very outgoing. I went to school with a young man that, from Flint’s letter, was very much like Flint is… from 3rd grade all the way through high school. He got his degree from MIT & is a very successful entrepreneur today…. and no, no “God complexes”. Sheesh. He is in 4th grade – let him have a childhood devoid of being creatively squelched without making assumptions that he somehow has something “wrong” with him. What’s “wrong” with most kids today is that they are being assimilated into the fold all-too easily. I’d suspect that Flint will be a young man who doesn’t assimilate so easily.
  
  Report this comment
- Itsjusttim
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:38am
  RonmeyPaulBotsrOdd,
  KJ, John 1:1 [ In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.]
  Moreover, in the beginning the Lord believed in and had a Lord.
  
  Report this comment
- Itsjusttim
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:47am
  That’s why I keep telling people in the Kingdom of Heaven it is a Representative Republic.
  
  Report this comment
- GotLead
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 12:44pm
  @itsjusttim The Word is Jesus Christ. Read your bible a little bit better.
  
  Report this comment
- Tucci78
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 2:57pm
  The “supreme ultralord” stuff is a trope from the TV cartoon show Planet Sheen, a spin-off from the earlier Nickelodeon program Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius.
  
  Haven’t any of you religious wastoids got any experience with the average American kid’s favorite cable television programs?
  
  Report this comment
Jenny Lind
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 9:48am
There is a kid with a future- he can imagine and dream. Pray the school system doesn’t destroy it. I would love to have a conversation with Flint-kudos to his parents.

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- Itsjusttim
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:00am
  Having children is the easy part, but not wrecking them through lifting the tools of men to them is the hard part.
  
  Report this comment
RJJinGadsden
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 9:47am
That wasn’t a 4th grader, it was Gregg Gutfeld!

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- cemerius
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 9:49am
  ha ha ha ha……yeah I can only imagine that!!
  
  Report this comment
- biohazard23
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 10:27am
  He wrote it with the help of the ferret, Captain Sprinkles. :)
  
  Report this comment
cemerius
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 9:45am
Wow! The “meteoroligist” must be a climate change believer? Neat story by this kid and their imagination will soon be crushed by the Teacher’s Union thugs…..imagination promotes free thought and we can’t have that! A school child should sit, shut up and enjoy their “pink slime”!!!

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- TurboCat
  Posted on March 17, 2012 at 4:15am
  Exactly right. Can’ have a little individual running around starting up trouble!
  
  Report this comment
SpeckledPup
Posted on March 16, 2012 at 9:39am
LOVED it. and he will not make the meteorologist a slave!

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- Jackoniell123
  Posted on March 16, 2012 at 7:56pm
  Now the kids considered racist…
  
  Report this comment

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