From May through October, there is something in the air. As Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn would famously call it: it’s wedding season.

But a year or more before wedding season comes planning season. One of the first things brides do — sometimes even before setting a date — is put together their wedding party. Some graciously write a note or extend a phone call asking friends and siblings to stand up with them. The newly-minted bride-to-be that we’re about to introduce you to though sends an email requesting consent to terms.

Email From Anonymous Bride Lists Rules for Would Be Bridemaids to Accept

(Photo: Shutterstock.com)

In her email she says it is going to be “the most epic wedding ever,” but after reading it, you’re about to see how it’s really the most “epic” message of rules, responsibilities and nuptial expectations ever laid out to bridesmaids — or “brideslaves” as the person who sent the email to Gawker puts it. Gawker uses it to lay out reasons why you should not become a bridesmaid.

The women’s magazine Glamour picked up on the email too and wrote:

This e-mail is so horrible, I kind of don’t want to expose you guys to it. But I’m going to, so we all have a reminder of the kind of bride you DON’T want to be.

In fact, it is an email of demands and requirements that seem so outrageous from one woman to her supposed friends that we can’t help but wonder if it is an exaggeration. Then again, there are reality TV shows on cable networks devoted specifically to bridezillas.

First, the basics. Should any bridesmaid (slave) be worried about the destination of Vail, Colo., for the blessed affair, as the bride puts it “that seems far away but it really isn’t”. Her suggestion is that the maids start making travel plans early to be better off.

Next, who is in charge: Maid of honor “L” and mom. Maid of honor “L” has the duties of planning the parties but of course “all of you guys do [too] but at the end of the day shes the go to person and makes it happen.”

Now, the ground rules that are “very important you read and think [...] before you accept this honor to be a bridesmaid.”

  1. All wedding-related emails must included “L” as a CC.
  2. If you can’t make it to one of the parties (engagement party in New York or Connecticut, bridal show, shower, bachelorette party in Las Vegas), you are out. “Not to sound harsh.”
  3. Submit all dates you could possibly be unavailable from February until the date of the August 2013 wedding — before accepting bridesmaid post.
  4. If you can’t pony up the cash for all the wedding festivities and garb, you are out. “…everyone knows the states where the parties are going to be held so if you wont be able to afford a flight then that means you cant make a party which ultimately means I cant have you as a bridesmaid.”
  5. Respond promptly to emails. A two to three day delay in responses will remove you from the wedding party. Being out of the country is not an excuse.

We’ve picked out pieces of the email, so be sure to read it in its cohesive entirety here. Warning: the bride, although she took the time to write a detailed, more than 900 word email, did not take care to use proper grammar.

Featured image via Shutterstock.com. 

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