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Education

Smart Parenting? Mom Gives Son An iPhone…but It Comes With These 18 ‘Must-Follow’ Rules

Jan. 3, 2013 8:12am Mike Opelka

Janelle Hoffman’s 13-year-old son Greg wanted an iPhone for Christmas. Mom came through and delivered the goods on Christmas, but the phone came with a few conditions. OK, it was more than a few conditions.

In order for Greg to keep the phone, he had to agree to follow his parents’ list of 18 conditions. The “contract” between mom and dad and their son started innocently enough.

“Merry Christmas! You are now the proud owner of an iPhone. Hot Damn! You are a good & responsible 13 year old boy and you deserve this gift,” the agreement starts. “But with the acceptance of this present comes rules and regulations.”

Young Greg — who lives with his family in Cape Cod, Mass. — was pleased with his new phone, but told ABC’s Good Morning America that he had reservations about mom’s contract: “Oh my God. My first reaction was, why? Why did she really have to do this?”

Mom Janelle Hoffman Gives Son An iPhone But He Must Follow 18 Rules

Image: ABC News screen capture

Among the 18 rules:

It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren’t I the greatest?
I will always know the password.
If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads “Mom” or “Dad”. Not ever

There are also restrictions on when the phone can be used. It is to be turned off each weeknight at 7:30pm and not turned on again until 7:30 the next morning.

Mom is also quite clear about porn… there is to be none of it. Greg is told that he should only search the web for information that he would openly share with his parents.

The entire agreement is about more than just restrictions, it is based on supporting behavior that is polite and socially acceptable. Mom and dad seem to have thought well beyond the simple use of a smart phone. Consider the content of the final two items in the contract.

17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.

And the last “rule” — which is more of a closing statement:

18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

Good Morning America’s Akiko Fajima visited the family.

You can see the entire letter below courtesy of Yahoo:

Dear Gregory

Merry Christmas! You are now the proud owner of an iPhone. Hot Damn! You are a good & responsible 13 year old boy and you deserve this gift. But with the acceptance of this present comes rules and regulations. Please read through the following contract. I hope that you understand it is my job to raise you into a well rounded, healthy young man that can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it. Failure to comply with the following list will result in termination of your iPhone ownership.

I love you madly & look forward to sharing several million text messages with you in the days to come.

1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren’t I the greatest?

2. I will always know the password.

3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads “Mom” or “Dad”. Not ever.

4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone’s land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.

5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It’s a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.

6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.

7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.

8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.

9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.

10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person ? preferably me or your father.

11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.

12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else’s private parts. Don’t laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear — including a bad reputation.

13. Don’t take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO — fear of missing out.

15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.

16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.

17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.

18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

It is my hope that you can agree to these terms. Most of the lessons listed here do not just apply to the iPhone, but to life. You are growing up in a fast and ever changing world. It is exciting and enticing. Keep it simple every chance you get. Trust your powerful mind and giant heart above any machine. I love you. I hope you enjoy your awesome new iPhone. Merry Christmas!

xoxoxo

Mom

In CONTROL, Glenn Beck presents a passionate, fact-based case for guns that reveals why gun control isn’t really about controlling guns at all; it’s about controlling us. Find out more HERE.

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Comments (142)

Timmy_NorthWest
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:16am
truth, would you turn your teenage loose in a car with no rules? Not quite the same, but it can land you in hot water if you do what all your no rules friends do. Sexting, bullying etc….See the point?
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- SaltCube
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 10:30am
  I can understand your point. My dad laid out a few rules for me when i got my fist car. But he didnt give me some overbearing contract. I had lived with my dad for 16 years. I knew the cosequences if i messed up. I knew those consequences at 13 years old too.
  
  There are a few things this Mom does that step over the line though. I wont repeat them all here. I’m going to do a seperate post.
  
  Report this comment
- Twinspeedr
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 11:04am
  A cart is dangerous and expensive to fix, but that is about it. It is a simpler thing. The phone is something that can have a lasting effect on who a kid becomes especially if it is a big deal with his peers. It is a window into his life and a window into the world that could damage him in a myriad of ways. Bottom line; IF you’re going to give your kid a phone at age 13 (which I would not do), this contract is the least you should do…
  
  Report this comment
- Gold Coin & Economic News
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 11:26am
  Great rules, too bad the rest of our society and especially our politicians don’t understand rules:
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxQxnGu29_I
  
  Report this comment
- Missouricrat
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 1:37pm
  No, you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t give your kid some overbearing contract either. They would just get sneaky. Kids will break rules and test their boundaries. I wouldn’t give a 13 old an iphone though. A Nokia brick works just as fine. You don’t need constant access to the internet when you’re that young.
  
  Report this comment
- YAHSHUARULES
  Posted on January 4, 2013 at 2:58am
  What is sad about this story is that it is a story. That teaching values, boundaries, moral behavior is now so rare its news worthy.. Our Founders knew that only a biblical literate MORAL people could handle the freedoms guaranteed by the Constitution. Freedom without morality destroys. America was great because America was good.
  
  Identity politics produce a collective, dependency mindset. Less then 10% of children in a poll believe in absolute right and wrong. This mom is trying to teach her son to not be part of that herd.
  
  What is being taught in government schools today is to break down basic rules of morality and move culture in a direction designed to destroy it. Large part of this agenda is to make us immoral people. Professors, educationalists and journalists are the Gramscian shock troops of the future to control the culture and once you control the culture you can shape the thought of rising generations and change the country in a way where it can never be changed back again.
  
  I have watched it 12X to absorb all that is in it! Give it 5 minutes you won’t be able to stop
  
  This is the most comprehensive, best movie I have seen pulling all this together. Watch it. Share it. Arrange a showing in church, groups, clubs, with friends or family. Everyone who loves America needs to see this movie,
  
  https://vimeo.com/52009124
  If America goes down, the free world will go down with it and it will be finished for a very, very long time…
  
  Report this comment
- loriann12
  Posted on January 4, 2013 at 9:13am
  I am lucky enough to live in a family where one extended member works for AT&T. We are added to his plan, and pay the extra that it costs him, plus a little. Benefits us both. Last Christmas, he got the 4S, handed down his 4 to his brother, my husband. This year, he got the Iphone 5, handed down his 4s to his wife, and I got her 4. The first time, our then 12 year old got the old 3 and I got the 3GS. We didn’t activate it as a phone, it’s only for games and music. This year, he got my old 3GS, and we said when he can afford the extra money for being added to the plan, he can get one. That’s $35 a month in our case. It’s still basically an Ipod.
  
  Report this comment
- jcldwl
  Posted on January 4, 2013 at 9:26am
  Good letter. It’s a shame that there are too many parents that don’t instill responsibility like this on their child. Myself personally I wouldn’t give the kid a phone that can access the internet. They don’t want him to be like every other kid but they buy him an every other kid phone. You can still buy phones that are just phones.
  
  Report this comment
dave88
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:15am
She left out a couple. Don’t be an I-diot and don’t photography your food and put it on facebook like most I-diots do. There’s an app for that.

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jungle J
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:14am
this society is so full of fantasy freaks.

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jungle J
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:12am
If his dad did that the dad would be excoriated.

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GAMom77
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:08am
Gregory – you have parents who love you very much and from the tone of their message they trust you and believe in who you are already and that is why they are basically just reminding you of this as they hand over this new electronic device that can cause many many problems and can also be a lifesaver. Be very thankful that you are in a loving and giving family – now go be a responsible teenager!

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- 4xeverything
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 10:13am
  Well said.
  
  Report this comment
- americansfightingforcommonsense
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 10:19am
  “now go be a responsible teenager!” Kind of an Oxy-Moron don’t you think? LOL
  
  Report this comment
- OutOfTheAether
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 7:02pm
  Amen
  
  Report this comment
Timmy_NorthWest
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:06am
Resist: in today’s world that is not overreaching, just smart parenting. At 13 he doesn’t have good choice making skills. This will help to keep him from living in her basement an 26 yrs old, still on her insurance, trolling on the Blaze for pay and smoking bud with his buddies when she is at work.

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- ResistSocialism
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:21am
  No it won’t. It will teach the kid the government owes him a phone if he ‘follows their rules’
  
  Report this comment
- objectivetruth
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 11:14am
  Just really.Hum if he were a paid troll money wouldn’t be the issue as to why he still lived in her basement would it?
  @resist socialism
  You hit the nail on the head
  
  Report this comment
- SenorStrange
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 11:39am
  @ResistSocialism, No, it will teach him that if you accept somthing that someone else paid for, you must follow their rules. Lesson: pay for it yourself and you are free to use it how want. you are also responsible for the consequences of that use.
  
  Report this comment
- ResistSocialism
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 11:48am
  @SenorStrange yea that concept obviously works so well that “47%” voted for free handouts and I am sure they follow the rules for those freebies. Any more bright ideas?
  
  Report this comment
- Linreis
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 12:34pm
  @ resist: I don’t agree. She also included the responsibility of taking care of the phone, and that if and when it was damaged or lost HE was replacing it by WORKING…
  this woman is a thoughtful parent, and has used this phone as a wonderful teaching tool.
  EVERYTHING a child is exposed to is a teaching tool, and this one is teaching responsibility and life skills…way too many kids don’t have a parent willing to do so, some don’t even have one that is willing to do so…and they are the ones who lose, those ones who think they deserve it all because they are who they are…
  
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- ResistSocialism
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 12:41pm
  @Linreis certainly valid points
  
  Report this comment
term limits for congress
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:05am
What are the rules for the obamaphone?

#1.) Show up for the protest when called.

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- Eastinfection
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:13am
  #2.) Collect $200 despite not passing “go”.
  
  Report this comment
- MisterSarcastic
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 10:46am
  #3.) Vote early and often…
  
  Report this comment
- Twinspeedr
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 11:06am
  #4 There will be more free stuff coming, be patient.
  
  Report this comment
- White Devil
  Posted on January 4, 2013 at 3:58pm
  #5.) “We need to steer clear of this poverty of ambition, where people want to drive fancy cars and wear nice clothes and live in nice apartments but don’t want to work hard to accomplish these things. Everyone should try to realize their full potential.” -Barack Obama
  
  That doesn’t sound like an Obamaphone user at all. No, sir!
  
  Report this comment
FlagWavingPatriot
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:04am
This mother hit the nail on the head.

I have essentially the same rules for my son, though I have an additional one:

19. I own the phone and pay the bills. The texts you send on MY phone are MY texts. Never text anything you wouldn’t say face-to-face and NEVER delete texts. If I catch you deleting texts, the phone goes into my gun safe for 1 month. I will take MY phone at any moment in any setting and read your texts, sometimes out loud in any company. Think carefully about what you text.

So far, my son has done well with it. I especially like the FindMyiPhone app…it allows me to track his location on my phone or PC. So far, I don’t think he knows I’m doing it. I’m sure he’ll figure it out, but so far, so good!

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- Eastinfection
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:25am
  I think you have every right to track your property and your son, but i would seriously consider telling him you’re doing it.
  “Spying” on him is disingenuous and he will have a difficult time trusting you in the future if/ when he finds out.
  
  Report this comment
- objectivetruth
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 10:28am
  Dear god in heaven what would all of you do if this were still the bad old days.No phones and spy apps.No gps trackers and even implant technologies[digital angel].Hell you would have to rely on your true parenting skills.Guess that scares the conservatives and liberals alike.All of you seem petrified of your own lack of skills.Why else do the super spy scene?Hate to break it to all of you those of us raised the old fashioned way managed to make it and actually loved and respected our parents more than many kids of today.Funny in my day kids ran away towards something not from something.With the loons I see spying on their kids without cause, I understand why some run away.
  How about every once in a while you drop your pants and slide on the ice.Trust your gut instincts and fly by wire rather than technology.Its the only real saving grace you have.More importantly its been around for thousands of years and has served the human race well.Oh and one other thing.Your kids will be better off doing this.They will learn from you to trust their own instincts.
  
  Report this comment
- FlagWavingPatriot
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 12:15pm
  Calm down, fellas. I failed to properly communicate. “Track” was a bad word to use, and I certainly don’t “spy” on my son.
  
  I use FindMyiPhone when it makes sense to do so, and it has come in very handy on a couple of occasions. Technology is not all bad, if properly employed.
  
  And I know all about the “good old days”. Don’t assume I’m young just because I have a young kid at home. I’m not.
  
  Report this comment
- athynz
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 2:57pm
  We all own iPhones and are all tracked via the FindMyiPhone app so we all know where one another is – or our phones at any rate. It wasn’t done to track the person as much as it was done to track the phone if it ever got stolen or misplaced.
  
  Report this comment
- Marnin
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 3:37pm
  of course your son knows you are tracking him. That app makes a loud and constant noise on the device being located until it is shut off on the unit itself or the app is shut down.
  
  Report this comment
Eastinfection
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:00am
I think these guidelines are great, though many of them are more like vague advice rather than subjective rules (download classical music? look out the window?) I would also add another rule: No Facebook.

That being said, i think 13 is too young for an iphone.

I’d say 15 or 16 is a more appropriate age for this type of luxury.

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- jungle J
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:13am
  agree.
  
  Report this comment
- Rbell2915
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 10:02am
  When I was in middle school, everyone who was anyone had an iPhone.
  
  Report this comment
- jedoug3d
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 11:00am
  When I was in Middle School you needed a dime to make a call.
  
  Report this comment
- Eastinfection
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 11:13am
  lol… when i was in Middle School, i didn’t have to call my parents. The principal usually did it for me…
  
  “Hello Mr./ Mrs. (Eastinfection)… you can pick him up after detention… again.”
  
  Report this comment
- trolltrainer
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 11:19am
  When I was in middle school I was ecstatic when my parents finally got off the party line.
  
  Report this comment
- grave777
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:42pm
  I grew up on computers from age 0. No joke. Now 24 and I have no social issues or what not. I make good money with my tech skills. All this because I was taught the truth about God. If you don’t have God, then any technology might be too much for a kid. It all comes down to your foundation with God! I will have my kids learning to type as soon as they can. Just like my little brother, but keep it balanced!!!!
  
  Report this comment
- loriann12
  Posted on January 4, 2013 at 9:18am
  When I was in high school, my mom told me to keep a quarter in my shoe in order to call home if I needed to. She called it “mad” money, for when I got mad at the friends I was out with.
  
  Report this comment
Mess23
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:00am
Good rules to live by and I am using them.

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jbast01
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:46am
What a great mother. This country is lacking more of the same. Technology has taken over our lives and controls almost every aspect of it. It is good to be reminded that there is more in this world than having our faces buried in a phone. Great job mom!

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- CABERNETQHS
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:59am
  Awesome… I’m making a couple of teenagers I know and also love madly, read this.
  
  Report this comment
kickagrandma
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:43am
LOVE IT!!! RULES to live by. Hooray for this mom!!! Her 13 year old has a chance to be a RESPONSIBLE, PRODUCTIVE person.

Hat’s off to you, M’am.

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- circleDwagons
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:57am
  My first thought was what 13yr needs a phone. But this was a great gift.
  
  Report this comment
Tregonsee
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:43am
I was 13 in 1961, so obviously we are talking about a very different issue and time. However, I was presented with a somewhat similar requirement in exchange for doing something I wanted badly. I suprised my parents by saying I would think about it. The next day, I politely explained that the price in terms of lack of trust was more than I was willing to pay I explained why and appolgized for any effort they had spent. The maturity of the response resulted in a significant renegotion of the “contract” and I am convinced reinforced my own desire to be worthy of their trust. Looking back, I am fairly certain I was.

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- ResistSocialism
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:05am
  Exactly!
  
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Timmy_NorthWest
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:41am
Resist, please wake up my man. You don,t give children stuff without giving them rules. It teaches responsibility. Didn’t you get any of that man?

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- ResistSocialism
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:58am
  Yes I understand kids need rules. This is simply overreaching.
  
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- Eastinfection
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:05am
  Over-reaching? Most of this is common sense.
  No-one is entitled to an iphone, and he obviously doesn’t have the means to provide himself with one.
  When you receive entitlements, they come at the pleasure of the benefactor.
  As a socialist, i’d expect you to be fully aware of this concept.
  
  Report this comment
- The_Jerk
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:07am
  ResistSocialism, don’t say that it is overreaching without saying why. Anyone can say anything when nothing has to be explained; a far too common trait.
  
  Report this comment
- Eastinfection
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:10am
  *Anti-socialist
  
  Report this comment
chg2012
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:41am
love it.. but she in fact is a bit soft..
I am SO GLAD she didn’t end ONe of ANY Of the rules with : OK ?
WAY too many parents from the “like” era end command sentences with : OK ?
well duh.. LOL.. what does that do ? simply leaves the child with the Option ? OK ?
No, just state the rules, be a Mom Or Dad & buck up !!
can’t stand whiny parents..

& for Resistsocialism.. your choice. ou have an attitude.. bet your mom didn’t make rules for you did she ? LOL

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- ChappellGirl5
  Posted on January 5, 2013 at 1:56am
  I tend to use the “OK” on occasion, but it’s not the “is that alright with you” kind, it’s the “do you understand what I’m saying to you” type.
  
  Report this comment
ShubalStearns
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:41am
Purposeful parenting – we need more of it. This is a mom who loves her child enough to guide him.

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djmaine
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:32am
Top Shelf

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The_Jerk
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:32am
Unbelievable. We (try?) teach the same, but have never whittled it down so precisely. Great parents, smart parents. We need oh so many more.

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AlansTigg
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:31am
I think it’s great, so many parents just hand their kids technology and expect them to be able to handle it out on their own, or they sneak and spy on them through the technology. I am a firm believer that you need to monitor what your children do so you can help guide them, but they should always know that you are going to be doing it.

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o2nine17
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:29am
Mom needs to amend rule 15: Only download legal (paid for by you or offered by legal owner as free) music and video files. Downloading copyrighted media that you do not have the rights to can land you and your parents in jail, and with millions of dollars in fines.

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GuruMeditation
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:28am
Mobile devices are so over-rated.

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GuruMeditation
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:28am
I think the 10 commandments would be easier.

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- Eastinfection
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:11am
  i’m sure there’s an APP for that!
  
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HLGarret
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:27am
I wish I had a Mom like that!

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NEWSTALKER
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:22am
Godly rules are to be expected as should the obedience that is expected from God and parents…it is one thing to give graciously and even a reward for going above and beyond the call of duty to obedience, but to give something so that you would obey is bad, when that is just simply expected of us all…

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ResistSocialism
Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:18am
“It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren’t I the greatest?”

I would tell greatest Mom she can have it back!

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- teammommy
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:32am
  You are obviously a teen or someone that cannot understand that to everything there is a responsibility.
  
  Or maybe an ObamaPhone owner….
  
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- Silversmith
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 8:44am
  That’s a rather petulant response Resist. Was your Mommy not nice to you? This sounds like a great idea in a world sorely in need of developing electronic ethics.
  
  Silversmith
  
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- ResistSocialism
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:00am
  Bah iPhones suck. The kid should get a job and buy his own Android phone. lol
  
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- objectivetruth
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:07am
  Actually the original poster has a point.It isn’t the rules issue.It is the fact that it is a gift more precisely a christmas gift.Gifts are given from the heart without strings.Though many gifts do have responsibilities attached.Aren’t I the greatest statement shows the parents own narcisism.Is this the real statement you want to extend to your kids?Remember everyone complaining about the me me me generation.If you can’t seperate what is a gift versus a priveledge and learning tool can you expect your child to do so?
  The true inappropriatness of this is as a christmas gift.This is something that would have been better used a quasi gift at the start of the school year.An earned priviledge so to speak,not as a gift.
  If it had been used correctly I’d be all for it including the rules attached to it.
  
  Report this comment
- ResistSocialism
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:15am
  @objectivetruth well put thank you
  
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- Eastinfection
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:22am
  OBJECTIVE..
  
  I disagree that “aren’t i the greatest?” indicates narcissism.
  I think it shows she has a sense of humor.
  
  Another point- ALL ENTITLEMENTS come with strings attached. Especially when you are 100% dependent on the benefactor.
  I gave my 8-year old a skateboard for Xmas.
  Do i not have the right to suspend it’s use if he doesn’t follow my rules? (wear helmet, knee-pads, no riding in the street, etc)
  
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- teammommy
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 9:54am
  Perhaps the iphone was indeed a gift. The following monthly bill, which could run up to $80, is most likely not a part of the gift. AS with my sons iphone, I surely did give it as a gift, and he is free to use it. Unfortunately, it will be greatly unusable if I suspend texting, or refuse to pay the bill altogether. Yes I gave a gift…he can keep it…but the monthly bill is NOT a gift.
  
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- objectivetruth
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 10:14am
  @eastinfection
  I read the letter.DIdn’t catch the rest.From a written point of view and not knowing her personally it does come across as narcissistic.
  Your comparsion with the skateboard isn’t totally valid.The skateboard is for fun.His phone is for productive use.The phone provided to him isn’t a gift its a priviledge.A tool to teach responsibility.Which is ok.What isn’t ok is claiming it as a gift.When you gave your child the gift of the skateboard you didn’t claim it was actually yours did you?Forgive me here but I think all children realize that their parents can remove just about everything as a punishment.That also isn’t the issue.
  What the issue is that the parents own the phone.This means is isn’t a gift but a priviledge.
  Like I said to begin with if the parents can’t tell the difference between a gift and a teaching tool Should the child be expected to?
  
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- Eastinfection
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 11:08am
  OBJECTIVE..
  
  I understand your point but i believe you are splitting hairs with your definition of “gift”.
  When i turned 17 (way back in the 1980′s) i asked for my curfew to be extended by an hour as a birthday gift.
  I considered the extension of that privilege to indeed be a gift.
  Gifts need not be material possessions.
  
  And what about kids that receive leased vehicles for their birthdays as gifts?
  Those are borrowed, and still gifts, and subject to many conditions.
  
  My brother makes custom furniture, and often gives pieces (cribs, rocking horses, etc.) to family members under the condition that they are heirlooms, only to be transferred within the family- not to be given to friends or sold on Ebay, etc.
  
  I go back to my point: Entitlements are provided at the pleasure of the benefactor.
  
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- objectivetruth
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 11:12am
  @east infection
  I noticed how you refered to ALL ENTITLEMENTS.I have a problem with that attitude towards children.They are your responsibility.The only thing they are entitled to is your financial support for their basic needs.You brought them into the world.Yes they are 100 percent dependent on the benefactor until they grow up.They didn’t choose to be dependent.Nor did they choose to be born.Your attitude comes across as though you see them as welfare leeches rather than your own flesh and blood.Its fine to teach them the value of money.However it must be age appropriate.An I phone at thirteen as a gift isn’t.The poor kid isn’t even old enough to legally work in most jobs.Which is what it would take for him to pay the bill and have some say.
  When you give your children a true gift its just that.This is a priviledged responsibility not a gift.As long as the parents can’t tell the difference they will continue to raise kids who can’t either.
  Who knows maybe they will sue their kid for his education like the parents of the straight a colledge student did.Guess thats what you get when the world stops seeing kids as the responsibility they are and want to turn them into entitlement whores or a business deal gone bad.
  
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- Eastinfection
  Posted on January 3, 2013 at 11:34am
  I don’t know OBJECTIVE…
  
  Once you guarantee access to material or privilege, they become entitlements.
  I agree with you, however, that the use of an iphone at 13 is an inappropriate luxury.
  My first post on this thread said exactly that.
  My intention after that was to opine on respective conditions attached to gifts and privileges, alike.
  As far as teaching my kids lessons and responsibility, i think it’s important that they understand that everything in life, with the sole exception of my love for them, comes with strings attached.
  
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