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Butt Glue, Bombshell Bras & Last-Second Lunges: Why Miss America Is Called A ‘Beauty’ Pageant & Not A ‘Brains’ Pageant

Jan. 13, 2013 8:21am Mike Opelka

Last night’s Miss America pageant offered a host of fascinating revelations from the contestants.

Miss Iowa (whose real name is Mariah Carey) appears to support marijuana for both medical and recreational use:

Miss California (Leah Cecil) thought euthanasia was a vaccine. (Luckily for Miss California, this happened before the competition. Lucky for us, ABC News had cameras rolling for a “Good Morning America” special called “Beauty Pageant Confidential.”)

Miss New York (the pageant’s eventual winner) believes armed guards at schools would not stop violence:

“I don’t think the proper way to fight violence is with violence. I think the proper way is to educate people on guns and the ways we can use them properly. We can lock them up, we can have gun safety classes, we can have a longer waiting period.”

Mallory Haggan, 23, from Brooklyn, N.Y. walked away with the Miss America title last night.

Image: AP/Isaac Brekken

As the first New Yorker to win the coveted crown since 1984, Haggan is likely to get an extra special thank you from New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo — but probably moreso because of her answer about armed guards in schools. Expect the new Miss America to make appearances with the governor as he announces the next phase of his “sweeping gun control” proposals.

Bonus Miss America content:

The clip of Miss California’s fumble on euthanasia was from ABC’s “Beauty Pageant Confidential.” That entire segment is also worth watching, especially for those of us who did not know about such pageant secrets as:

Butt glue
The “bombshell bra”
Last-second lunges and push-ups before going on stage in bathing suits

Bonus Miss America trivia:

The last Miss America winner from New York was Vanessa Williams in 1984. Williams made headlines as the first black woman to wear the crown. A few months later, Williams was in the news again when she relinquished her title after nude photos of her were published in Penthouse magazine.

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Comments (108)

marssnw
Posted on January 14, 2013 at 7:57am
Stupid people, winning stupid contests. The answers get worse and worse every year. I know kids under 12 that could answer these questions better. Why don’t they just call it “Miss Beauty No Brain Contest”?

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Deane
Posted on January 14, 2013 at 6:45am
If Gretchen Carlsen can win anyone can. Like the golden globe awards and academy awards these “contests” are the most ridiculous shows on tv. I haven’t seen either in decades.

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orecon
Posted on January 14, 2013 at 4:04am
I think every ” Gun Free Zone” posted at each school should become a voucher, pull it down and exchange it for an armed guard/police officer from your local statehouse. Let’s see how vulnerable the politicians feel when a sign is their only security.
I’m sure the newly crowned Miss America will actively shun armed security at all of her events.

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LeadNotFollow
Posted on January 14, 2013 at 2:18am
These beauty contestants’ skulls are just fancy wind tunnels.

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LeadNotFollow
Posted on January 14, 2013 at 2:00am
I sure hope Miss California isn’t planning on a career in the health care field.
I would hate for someone to go in for a flu shot and come out in a body bag.

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N37BU6
Posted on January 14, 2013 at 1:36am
Who even watches these things?

Also, I hate to have to point it out, Suntzu, but:

Hear / here
Than / then

They mean different things.

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neverending
Posted on January 14, 2013 at 12:51am
The majority of them are botoxed to death, implants, enhancements all over the place and then lacking an iq – never could waste my time on any of it.

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SarahBeALightInTheDarkness
Posted on January 14, 2013 at 12:48am
Oh dear me, butt glue! What have we as women come to? Hmm, well at least they are trying to stay IN their bathing suits..

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Rbell2915
Posted on January 13, 2013 at 11:36pm
Miss New York, ugly as hell and more than likely owning 7 brain cells.

I watched that little video and I gotta say that Miss Kentucky was extremely hot.

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truthbased
Posted on January 13, 2013 at 11:36pm
wait i know the answer DONT HAVE A SUPER SKIMPY BIKINI.

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whatsitallabout
Posted on January 13, 2013 at 11:06pm
Not.

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hugo65hsv
Posted on January 13, 2013 at 9:47pm
The beauty Beauty Pageant is not about feminine beauty in the least.. It’s more like a training show for female manipulation of men..

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CFL Tea Party
Posted on January 13, 2013 at 9:18pm
Fine *** women who will make horrible wives for rich people some day. These things are a little passe IMO. The over the top fake crying like they just got a letter from the war department, the fake smiles, the flamboyant judges, etc. It’s annoying as hell.

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Pug
Posted on January 13, 2013 at 6:55pm
its amazing that we guard our money more then our children…money is picked up in armoured trucks guarded by armed guards…but putting an officer in the school is bad..what a dtiz Mess America is..but then she prbably agrees with the gov.of N.Y. that no one should have salt…..

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- missdagnytaggart
  Posted on January 14, 2013 at 12:45am
  Or sodas over 16 oz
  
  Report this comment
dumpsterdog
Posted on January 13, 2013 at 6:01pm
Haggan’s answer indicates that she must have been sniffing butt glue.

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MrKnowItAll
Posted on January 13, 2013 at 5:49pm
The Hotter they are….The more trouble they are.
The Hotter they are….The more expensive they are.
The Hotter they are….The More Stupid you are.

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AllAmericanGirl22
Posted on January 13, 2013 at 4:52pm
These are rigged, if someone shared a conservative point of view, they would be disqualified in the judges minds. She won because she gave the answer all of the liberals wanted to hear.

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User1
Posted on January 13, 2013 at 4:42pm
Who cares!

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OhSnappage
Posted on January 13, 2013 at 3:20pm
Ouch! This beauty pageant speaks volumes of how embarrassed as a country we should all be. This is the best our society can churn out? We should strive to demand better, to be better. Intelligence should be key for these contestants. These three contestants represented incompetence and smug arrogance which is where our society is headed. Thanks Progressives/Liberals/Moderates!

“Ok, this is the ONE THING I am not familiar with” – Really? You think maybe there might be a few other things?
“Well, I DO KNOW that it’s a vaccine, right”? – Are you asking or do you actually know and are you telling us?
“I believe we should use Marijuana for recreational and medicinal use only, and nothing else” – Is there some other way that it is being used?

And this clearly is why this contestant was the winner with the dumbest full of herself type response on the show: not fighting violence w/ violence? When an assailant has a gun, a knife, aids needle, hazardous bio material, or to quote a Simpsons episode, has a “board w/ a nail in it” while breaking into a school, your home, place of work, public forum or wherever how the HECK ARE YOU TO DEFEND YOURSELF? The option is to surrender and be a victim? What if the person whose intened purpose is to kill, to maim, to rape yourself or your children? Is the solution a harsh talking to, flipping moron it’s embarrassing. Please get her for an interview to explain it because thats a nation waiting to be conquered let alone a home.

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truthnstuff
Posted on January 13, 2013 at 3:15pm
Pop culture and idiots still sway the minds of the stupid. This is what Dumbocraps count on.

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labec
Posted on January 13, 2013 at 2:53pm
Ah, THAT’s ENTERTAINMENT! …manufactured, manipulated, mutilated, and faked realism
as a standard of beauty and representation of The United States. Pitting one girl against another
is beautiful.

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hades3
Posted on January 13, 2013 at 1:54pm
I keep hoping someone will come up with the brilliant idea to produce a beauty contest, using liberal
women from the House and Senate as contestants. One would hope these ladies are all brains, since they appear physically too be a persons worst nightmare when it comes to the lack of beauty.
I’m sure the lame stream networks would have an easy time, (not) , selling air time too sponsors, who would jump at the chance too lend their product names for a good cause. The sponsors who sell
cosmetics, might even get a few of the ladies too endorse their products. Wouldn’t that be a hoot ?!!

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Papa Joe
Posted on January 13, 2013 at 1:49pm
Fake **** with fake brains!!

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mbck1491
Posted on January 13, 2013 at 1:43pm
Miss NY says, the answer is not to fight violence with violence??? So what is her answer to nut jobs getting a hold of a gun and going on a shooting spree? I am sick and tired of all the touchy feel good responses from liberal anti gun twits. So what are we supposed to do grab the nut job by the arm while he’s on a shooting spree and sit down, and have a good chat with him and tell him what he’s doing wrong. How is having an armed guard in a every school violent? So many questions with no real solutions. I don’t know I think the armed guard in every school sounds good to me, or at least let some trained teachers carry concealed; problem solved.

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sgallion1
Posted on January 13, 2013 at 1:25pm
Let’s see….average beauty, average figure; but she isn’t for armed guards and wants more laws on gun control issues. Oh, and she’s from the “Big Apple”. Oh yeah……crown her! Another American tradition bites the dust and drinks the liberal kool-aid.

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