US

‘Dear Abby’ Columnist Pauline Phillips Dies at 94

Dear Abby columnist Phillips dies

FILE – In this Feb. 14, 2001 file photo, “Dear Abby” advice columnist Pauline Friedman Phillips, 82, known to millions of readers as Abigail van Buren, signs autographs for some of dozens of fans after the dedication of a “Dear Abby” star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in Los Angeles. Phillips, who had Alzheimer’s disease, died Wednesday, Jan. 16, 2013, she was 94. Phillips’ column competed for decades with the advice column of Ann Landers, written by her twin sister, Esther Friedman Lederer. Their relationship was stormy in their early adult years, but later they regained the close relationship they had growing up in Sioux City, Iowa. The two columns differed in style. Ann Landers responded to questioners with homey, detailed advice. Abby’s replies were often flippant one-liners. (AP Photo/Reed Saxon)

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) — Pauline Friedman Phillips, who under the name of Abigail Van Buren, wrote the long-running “Dear Abby” advice column that was followed by millions of newspaper readers throughout the world, has died. She was 94.

Publicist Gene Willis of Universal Uclick said Phillips died Wednesday after a long battle with Alzheimer’s disease.

Phillips’ column competed for decades with the advice column of Ann Landers, written by her twin sister, Esther Friedman Lederer. Their relationship was stormy in their early adult years, but later they regained the close relationship they had growing up in Sioux City, Iowa.

The two columns differed in style. Ann Landers responded to questioners with homey, detailed advice. Abby’s replies were often flippant one-liners.

Phillips admitted that her advice changed over the years. When she started writing the column, she was reluctant to advocate divorce:

“I always thought that marriage should be forever,” she explained. “I found out through my readers that sometimes the best thing they can do is part. If a man or woman is a constant cheater, the situation can be intolerable. Especially if they have children. When kids see parents fighting, or even sniping at each other, I think it is terribly damaging.”

She willingly expressed views that she realized would bring protests. In a 1998 interview she remarked: “Whenever I say a kind word about gays, I hear from people, and some of them are damn mad. People throw Leviticus, Deuteronomy and other parts of the Bible to me. It doesn’t bother me. I’ve always been compassionate toward gay people.”

If the letters sounded suicidal, she took a personal approach: “I’ll call them. I say, `This is Abby. How are you feeling? You sounded awfully low.’ And they say, `You’re calling me?’ After they start talking, you can suggest that they get professional help.”

Asked about Viagra, she replied: “It’s wonderful. Men who can’t perform feel less than manly, and Viagra takes them right off the spot.”

About working mothers: “I think it’s good to have a woman work if she wants to and doesn’t leave her children unattended – if she has a reliable person to care for them. Kids still need someone to watch them until they are mature enough to make responsible decisions.”

One trend Phillips adamantly opposed: children having sex as early as 12 years old.

“Kids grow up awfully fast these days,” she said. “You should try to have a good relationship with your kids, no matter what they do.”

The woman known to the world as Ann Landers died in June 2002. Later that year, the family revealed that Phillips had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. By then Phillips’ daughter, Jeanne Phillips, who had helped her mother with the Dear Abby column for years, was its sole author.

Pauline Esther Friedman, known as Popo, was born on Independence Day 1918 in Sioux City, Iowa, 17 minutes after her identical twin, Esther Pauline (Eppie.). Their father was a well-off owner of a movie theater chain. Their mother took care of the home. Both were immigrants from Russia who had fled their native land in 1905 because of the persecution of Jews.

“My parents came with nothing. They all came with nothing,” Phillips said in a 1986 Associated Press interview. She recalled that her parents always remembered seeing the Statue of Liberty: “It’s amazing the impact the lady of the harbor had on them. They always held her dear, all their lives.”

The twins spent their growing-up years together. They dressed alike, they both played the violin, they wrote gossip columns for their high school and college newspapers. They attended Morningside College in Sioux City. Two days before their 21st birthday, they had a double wedding. Pauline married Morton Phillips, a businessman, Esther married Jules Lederer, a business executive and later founder of Budget Rent-a-Car. The twins’ lives diverged as they followed their husbands to different cities.

The Phillipses lived in Minneapolis, Eau Claire, Wis., and San Francisco, and had a son and daughter, Edward Jay and Jeanne. Esther lived in Chicago, had a daughter, Margo, and in 1955 she applied for and was given the job of writing the advice column. She adopted the existing column’s name, Ann Landers.

Pauline, who had been working for philanthropies and the Democratic Party, followed her sister’s lead, though she insisted it wasn’t the reason for her decision. She arranged for an interview with an editor of the San Francisco Chronicle and presented sample columns, arguing that the paper’s lovelorn column was boring. The editors admired her breezy style, and she was hired.

Searching for a name for the column, Pauline chose Abigail from the Bible and Van Buren from the eighth American president. Within a year she signed a 10-year contract with the McNaught Syndicate, which spread her column across the country.

“I was cocky,” she admitted in 1998. “My contemporaries would come to me for advice. I got that from my mother: the ability to listen and to help other people with their problems. I also got Daddy’s sense of humor.”

Pauline applied for the advice column without notifying her sister, and that reportedly resulted in bad feelings. For a long time they did not speak to each other, but their differences were patched up. In June 2001, the twins, 83, attended the 90th birthday party in Omaha, Neb., of their sister Helen Brodkey.

The advice business extended to the second generation of the Friedmans. Phillips had announced in 2000 that her daughter would share her byline. Her sister’s daughter, Margo Howard, wrote an advice column for the online magazine Slate.

Aside from the Dear Abby column, which appeared in 1,000 newspapers as far off as Brazil and Thailand, Phillips conducted a radio version of “Dear Abby” from 1963 to 1975 and wrote best-selling books about her life and advice.

In her book “The Best of Abby,” Phillips commented that her years writing the column “have been fulfilling, exciting and incredibly rewarding. … My readers have told me that they’ve learned from me. But it’s the other way around. I’ve learned from them. Has it been a lot of work? Not really. It’s only work if you’d rather be doing something else.”

Associated Press writer Bob Thomas in Los Angeles contributed to this report.

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Comments (13)

  • honeydijon13
    Posted on January 18, 2013 at 3:24am

    Dear Abby, what’s it like being dead?

    Hello?

    Hello?

    Report this comment

    honeydijon13  
  • truthspeare
    Posted on January 18, 2013 at 1:20am

    Well, she was certainly meant so much to so many. She will be missed. My sympathy to her family. I offer the following poem, as you like it.

    The Break

    Truthspeare
    Copyright, Sometimes, January 2013

    Between West Virginia hollers I am sold
    A gravel path exists named Vance Hollow Road
    Half up the rise is a giant stone abutting a stream
    That for centuries waded kids with a dream

    And as it twists downhill to willow tree
    Where at the Tug River it breaks
    Mountaineers have followed it faithfully
    To seek fun and more you see

    And there the rocks split the water
    This way and that
    Creating white foam splatter
    Showing a haphazard walking path

    My roots are of this very land
    Where I walked the grounds and understand
    And from where a message the Creator gave me long ago
    Long before my Appalachian roots birth
    Portending my mission and how my life would go

    Of the matters I was to fulfill
    And now that I have paid this bill
    Each night I find myself ready to go
    To resign this life to the next promised show
    Nothing more do I desire or want to know

    So for those who find death an end?
    I do not abide such belief and consider it pretend
    For the next life I am ready to begin
    And await the Creator to tell me when

    For the break will be like the location of the willow tree
    Like where the stream breaks the Tug you see.

    Copyright, Sometimes, January 2013

    Report this comment

    truthspeare  
  • Boose
    Posted on January 17, 2013 at 10:16pm

    Want to help the US succeed in a fun easy to play browser game with a thriving community?
    http://www.erepublik.com/en/referrer/Bucephalus92

    Report this comment

    Boose  
  • Vickie Dhaene
    Posted on January 17, 2013 at 6:02pm

    God Speed on your next journey Dear Abby.

    Report this comment

    Vickie Dhaene  
  • h20sue
    Posted on January 17, 2013 at 5:21pm

    God speed, Pauline (Dear Abby). You’ve entertained us for many years, and even though you’re gone, you will never be forgotten. Rest in peace and thanks for your subtle advice.

    Report this comment

    h20sue  
  • righthanddrive
    Posted on January 17, 2013 at 5:20pm

    So this was a hoax all along!!! How could the media pass off Pauline as Abby….or were they practicing their art of deception to use on the good folks to get Obama re-elected?

    Report this comment

    righthanddrive  
  • lel2007
    Posted on January 17, 2013 at 4:55pm

    OH NOOOO ! What-a-we do now ?

    Report this comment

    lel2007  
  • Jenny Lind
    Posted on January 17, 2013 at 4:05pm

    What I liked best of her was she was not afrad to hear a better answer, and say she was wrong. On the other side, she sometimes took a stand no matter what. Whether I agreed with her or not, I always respected her answers, because she was respectfull and honest. God bless her family, thanks for the help Abby. RIP

    Report this comment

    Jenny Lind  
  • curmudgeon60
    Posted on January 17, 2013 at 3:31pm

    Oh Puleeze! What part of her wisdom was dished out under the influence of her Alzheimer’s?

    Report this comment

    curmudgeon60  
  • MrButcher
    Posted on January 17, 2013 at 2:57pm

    “Dear Abby, Dear Abby
    I never thought
    That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught
    We were sitting in the backseat just shootin’ the breeze
    With her **** up in curlers and her pants to her knees
    Signed,
    Just Married

    Just Married, Just Married
    You have no complaint
    You are what you are and you ain’t what you ain’t
    So listen up buster, and listen up good
    Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood
    Signed
    Dear Abby.”

    Great John Prine song
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qbOfnbeH84

    Report this comment

    MrButcher  
  • Timmy_NorthWest
    Posted on January 17, 2013 at 2:49pm

    We lose another American Icon.

    Report this comment

    Timmy_NorthWest  
  • NewMedia
    Posted on January 17, 2013 at 2:45pm

    Not Dear Abby! RIP!

    Report this comment

    NewMedia  

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