Urban Dictionary is an edgy, online platform that provides user-driven definitions for practically every word and phrase imaginable. Perhaps most known for describing the meaning of slang, the site regularly offers up some pithy, comical and offensive content. Among the more controversial definitions present on the site are the descriptions given for the word “Bible.” Ranging from “a novel full or murder” to the “#1 fiction bestseller,” many of the attributes given for the world’s most revered holy book are stunningly offensive.
The first and most popular definition present on Urban Dictionary’s web site for “Bible” reads, “An ancient novel full of murder, corruption, homosexuality, bestiality, incest and cruelty. It is often read to children on Sunday.” And the second definition, which showers additional negativity upon the holy book, offers up the following disparaging remarks:
“The Bible is probably the best book ever. You can use it as a coaster, hit people with it, look funny and quote it, eat the pages, fire fuel, toilet paper, start a war, control the stoopid people of the world, read it and become president, Hanaukkah present, piss off the Muslims, and turn back the clock. I used my bible yesterday as a fiber [substitute].”
And it doesn’t end there. Other definitions include expletives that are used to dismiss the stories told in the Bible. Another entry describes Jesus Christ as a “cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father.” Aside from the general theme that the book is fictitious, there is a common thread — though written in jest — of encouraging people to destroy the book.
“A historically ficticious piece of literature written to inspire the gullible, bring fear to small children and provide a good substitute for fire wood,” another definition proclaims, apparently advocating for the book to be burned.
While the top six characterizations on Urban Dictionary are overwhelmingly offensive to people of faith, the seventh actually takes an intriguing and less divisive crack at defining the holy book. A user submitted, 50-word description captures the Bible’s main themes from Genesis to Jesus’ resurrection. Here it is:
“God made, Adam bit, Noah arked, Abraham split, Joseph ruled, Jacob fooled,Bush talked, Moses balked, Pharaoh plagued, people walked, sea divided, tablets guided, Promise landed, Saul freaked, David peeked, prophets warned, Jesus born, God walked, love talked, anger crucified, hope died, Love rose, Spirit flamed, Word spread, God remained.”
Not every definition is negative in nature, but the vast majority of the top 20 paint the book in a less-than-favorable light. Click here to see them all. It would be noted that Urban Dictionary allows users to submit definitions, so the web site cannot necessarily be blamed directly for the comments. Still, finding them so prominently placed will likely be startling for believers and Bible enthusiasts.