Death Toll Revised Down to 24 After Monstrous Oklahoma Tornado…100+ Injured…Children Among the Dead…Stunning Pictures…Woman Finds Dog During Interview!

As Heard on Beck Radio: Unbelievable TV Interview — Woman Describes Losing Her Dog…and then he emerges from the Rubble!

Politics

Some of Obama’s Top One-Liners From the Annual Gridiron Dinner

Mar. 10, 2013 7:54am Madeleine Morgenstern

President Barack Obama walks with Chief of Staff Denis McDonough, right, as they leave the Gridiron Dinner through a loading area at a hotel in Washington, Saturday, March 9, 2013. (AP)

President Barack Obama dished out a few jabs but also directed some jokes at himself at the annual white-tie Gridiron Club dinner Saturday night.

No TV cameras were allowed, but here are some of Obama’s top barbs, per the official White House transcript:

Before I begin, I know some of you have noticed that I’m dressed a little differently from the other gentlemen. Because of sequester, they cut my tails. (Laughter.) My joke writers have been placed on furlough. (Laughter.)

[...]

I last attended the Gridiron dinner two years ago. Back then, I addressed a number of topics — a dysfunctional Congress, a looming budget crisis, complaints that I don’t spend enough time with the press. It’s funny, it seems like it was just yesterday. (Laughter.)

[...]

I know that some folks think we responded to Woodward too aggressively. But hey, when has — can anybody tell me when an administration has ever regretted picking a fight with Bob Woodward? (Laughter.) What’s the worst that could happen? (Laughter and applause.)

[...]

Now, since I don’t often speak to a room full of journalists — (laughter) — I thought I should address a few concerns tonight. Some of you have said that I’m ignoring the Washington press corps — that we’re too controlling. You know what, you were right. I was wrong and I want to apologize in a video you can watch exclusively at whitehouse.gov. (Laughter.)

[...]

I’m sure that you’ve noticed that there’s somebody very special in my life who is missing tonight, somebody who has always got my back, stands with me no matter what and gives me hope no matter how dark things seem. So tonight, I want to publicly thank my rock, my foundation — thank you, Nate Silver. (Laughter.)

[...]

[Obama at one point took a long drink of water] That, Marco Rubio, is how you take a sip of water.

[...]

We face major challenges. March in particular is going to be full of tough decisions…don’t worry — there is an entire team in the situation room as we speak, planning my next golf outing, right now at this moment. (Laughter.)

[...]

[M]aintaining credibility in this cynical atmosphere is harder than ever — incredibly challenging. My administration recently put out a photo of me skeet shooting and even that wasn’t enough for some people. Next week, we’re releasing a photo of me clinging to religion. (Laughter and applause.)

[...]

With all these new faces, it’s hard to keep track of who is in, who is out. And I know it’s difficult for you guys as reporters. But I can offer you an easy way of remembering the new team. If Ted Cruz calls somebody a communist, then you know they’re in my cabinet. (Laughter.)

[...]

Look, it’s no secret that my Vice President is still ambitious. But let’s face it, his age is an issue. Just the other day, I had to take Joe aside and say, “Joe, you are way too young to be the pope.” (Laughter.)

Benghazi, IRS, AP...What's next? Only TheBlaze TV offers the truth from Glenn Beck, Andrew Wilkow, and Real News from TheBlaze. Get instant access and a free trial here.

Back to The Blaze »

Comments (80)

Jim in Houston
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 11:37am
“If Ted Cruz calls somebody a communist, then you know they’re in my cabinet.” My God, Barry finally said something that is true!

Report this comment
Log in to ReplyReply
- yiddishlion
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 11:42am
  Actually, I was wondering when the jokes were going to start. I thought it was just normal every day small talk……
  
  Report this comment
- stablepar
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 11:54am
  his comment on energy prices having to rise under his doctrine is the only other truth that comes to mind
  
  Report this comment
- Sleazy Hippo
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 12:13pm
  Why is this article categorized under “POLITICS” when the article describing Glenn’s surgical roast of the departed dictator Hugo Chavez is categorized as “ENTERTAINMENT?”
  
  The Gridiron Club dinner is a well known Washington DC Entertainment diversion, that President George W. Bush attended 6 times, bringing down the house with each and every speech. Karl Rove has also made his reputation as an institution of sorts at the annual Gridiron bash.
  
  It is true, however that you would never see a dignified person like Ronald Reagan (8 Gridiron appearances) make fun of Hellfire Missile Predator Drones, or see Thomas Jefferson (0 Gridiron Appearances) make fun of Weapons of Mass Destruction.
  
  Report this comment
- Eastinfection
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 1:28pm
  HIPPO…
  
  “Why is this article categorized under “POLITICS” when the article describing Glenn’s surgical roast of the departed dictator Hugo Chavez is categorized as “ENTERTAINMENT?”…”
  
  Good question and i agree. From now on all articles about Obama’s speeches should be listed under “Entertainment”.
  
  Report this comment
- rickc34
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:11pm
  Comedy is the truth with a twist.
  
  Report this comment
- AlbertMaslar
  Posted on March 11, 2013 at 6:09am
  Now if only Obama put in as much time running (not RUINING) this country as he did getting these jokes together.
  
  Report this comment
scw
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 11:24am
Your correct Obamadinijad Bitme is to young to be Pope. Thank God! But I bet the pervert Mohammed won’t mind him at all!

Report this comment
Log in to Reply Reply
SamIamTwo
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 10:36am
The joker is wild. I can not imagine anything good coming out of this meeting…jokes provided by the president and laughter from our so called concerned politicians.

Then the reps come out and say they feel more optimistic as the jester walks away with a big toothy grin.

Smoking and joking, while the nation goes to L in a handcart.

These events need to be televised…

Report this comment
Log in to Reply Reply
barber2
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 10:33am
The tux reminds me of a photo of a younger Barack wearing a tux while attending one of the 12 marriages of his Kenyan brother, Malik . Strange that we never heard much about the 12 marriages , but guess since Malik is Muslim that is not an issue . Oh, and he just lost the election in Kenya which, unfortunately, was not the fate of Barack…

Report this comment
Log in to Reply Reply
WilliamORights
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 10:17am
This man was a lame duck from day 1 of his first term. An example of the tolerance, forebearance, magnanimity and generosity of the American people. Never anything more. This was the best they could dredge from the muck and corruption of his hang ten culture. A pot smoking bar room gigolo who was permitted to place wage and price contols on health care in America. The bill is in the US mail and will arrive later–after he has left town for good.

Report this comment
Log in to Reply Reply
Eastinfection
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 9:52am
He should take this routine up to the Catskill Mountains. He could be the warm-up act for the guy with the accordion.

Report this comment
Log in to ReplyReply
- stablepar
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 11:58am
  he should get on a street corner with a music box and his monkey joe biden. don’t forget the tin cup
  
  Report this comment
BurntHills
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 9:49am
nothing that comes out of that vile communist’s mouth is ever funny.

Report this comment
Log in to Reply Reply
NLN
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 9:39am
What a funny guy that obamer is. He ought to be on the Johnny Carson show.

Report this comment
Log in to ReplyReply
- Moonbeamsun
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 6:53pm
  How old are you? Johnny Carson? Geez.
  
  Report this comment
RamonPreston
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 9:37am
My favorite Obama one-liner is the one where he said he was going to raise prices on gasoline and electricity. That’s the only true thing he has spoken.

Report this comment
Log in to ReplyReply
- biohazard23
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 10:11am
  Hey, the low information voters apparently like being told that their electricity bills will “necessarily have to skyrocket.” See, they were confused by the whole “skyrocket” thing and thought he was talking about NASA or George Jetson.
  
  Report this comment
IndyGuy
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 9:36am
“”No TV cameras were allowed”"…..Now why would that be??? Who was there that he doesn’t want us to know about???

Report this comment
Log in to ReplyReply
- stargazer qmc
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 12:06pm
  I found this story amazing. Who would believe Obama would do anything without a camera to record his (in his own mind) brilliance.
  
  Report this comment
battles
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 9:27am
To paraphrase Winston Churchill:

We shall fight in [Washington DC], we shall fight in the [congress and the White House], we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our [Constitutional rights], whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender!

Report this comment
Log in to Reply Reply
SpankDaMonkey
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 9:19am
TheBlaze won’t let me post my One Liner…….

Report this comment
Log in to ReplyReply
- YOURSENSEI
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 11:33am
  Mr or Ms SPANKDAMONKEY,
  
  This is what you must know;
  
  It has to be funny. Sorry.
  
  It is so.
  
  Report this comment
dublinthewagons
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 9:15am
The direct results of beastality.
Just googled beastality and there was a story about him mother.
“Woman dies from allergic reaction to a dog she had sex with.”

Report this comment
Log in to ReplyReply
- PIGSWILLNEVERFLY
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 4:17pm
  There’s another one about a guy that had sex with a pig in Australia.
  
  Report this comment
HOOT_OWL
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 9:04am
You know, If this man wasn’t poised to bring the iron curtain down upon us, …
That would almost be funny.

Report this comment
Log in to ReplyReply
- BehindBlueEyes
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 9:28am
  The prez has me rolling on the floor holding my stomach but not because I’m laughing.
  
  Report this comment
dublinthewagons
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 9:02am
His jokes are as bad as his leadership.
But what can you expect from a smart a$$ thug.

Report this comment
Log in to ReplyReply
- rzraick
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 6:05pm
  The Federal Reserve folks had a dinner, at which they ammited to causing the Great Depression. They sat around and laughed and made jokes about it.
  
  Now the Press and the Prez are joking about what they are doing.
  
  Not Funny. The day is coming when they won’t be laughing.
  
  Report this comment
RedDirtTexas
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:47am
Is it just me or did he just tell the truth in a tongue in cheek way to look as if he had some jokes?

Report this comment
Log in to Reply Reply
barber2
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:43am
Interesting that Obama actually used the word ” Communist.” Of course, he did it to mock Ted Cruz . Perhaps , he felt the need to distract from Jesse Jackson’s attendance at Chavez’ funeral…especially since anyone who has read about Obama’s past Marxist mentors, hidden school records , and attendance at Occidental – the Moscow of southern California – might be beginning to see some very damaging associations with the Chicago radical Democrats and the International Far Left . Gun restrictions. Al Jazeera Gore ‘s media sale. Hasselbeck off the View. Strange times are these …..

Report this comment
Log in to ReplyReply
- Moonbeamsun
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 6:55pm
  Please! He is making fun of you wingnuts who are forever calling him a Communist.
  
  Report this comment
SpankDaMonkey
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:43am
.
I wish Obama was just like Hugo, but without the embalming…..

Report this comment
Log in to Reply Reply
CatB
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:34am
Go to twichy.com and see what Bobby Jindel said now that is funny … regarding Joe 7/11 Biden and Elizabeth the indian Warren. ;-)

Report this comment
Log in to Reply Reply
yougottabekidding
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:31am
Planning his next golf lesson

500 more pink slips for the FBI

Report this comment
Log in to ReplyReply
- RJJinGadsden
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:38am
  The really idiotic thing is how quickly the public forgets the similar charade Clinton pulled in the ’95 budget debacle.
  
  Report this comment
- yougottabekidding
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 9:05am
  How much money was cut from GSA? Remember the hot tub? They seemed to have way more money then they needed!
  I forgot that would only in flick pain on gov entities, so to scare the public, they were saved by closing the WH tours.
  
  Report this comment
RJJinGadsden
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:26am
Good thing for 0bama that this Gridiron has nothing to do with football. After that baseball pitch, can you imagine seeing him toss a football? He’ll stick with basketball and cow pasture pool.
On another note, there was really nothing clever about his one liners.

Report this comment
Log in to ReplyReply
- RJJinGadsden
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:32am
  Forgot to mention, that since Sequestor cost him his joke writers, those one liners must have been written by Jay Carney.
  
  Report this comment
- LEFTIST_CLOWNS_AND_FAR_RIGHT_JOKERS
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:51am
  Obama’s jokes are so bad, he could host the Oscars.
  
  Report this comment
- RJJinGadsden
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:57am
  LEFTIST_CLOWNS_AND_FAR_RIGHT_JOKERS, I think that we can expect just that in a few years. LOL, and Jay Carny will probably still be working for him.
  
  Report this comment
- LEFTIST_CLOWNS_AND_FAR_RIGHT_JOKERS
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 9:15am
  Most leftist politicians are narcissistic enough to see themselves as great comedians and Hollywood types. Many leftist comedians and Hollywood types are clueless enough to see themselves as great politicians.
  
  Report this comment
- RJJinGadsden
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 9:21am
  LEFTIST_CLOWNS_AND_FAR_RIGHT_JOKERS, Not just politicians. Look at WANGO and his shtick. And, he says that conservatives can’t be funny. Hehehe, then he is proof that many leftist can’t either.
  
  Report this comment
- LEFTIST_CLOWNS_AND_FAR_RIGHT_JOKERS
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 9:23am
  RJJINGADSDEN. I should probably say ‘great statesmen / women’ as opposed to ‘great politician.’ Any silver-tongued used car salesman / woman could be a politician I guess.
  
  Report this comment
- LEFTIST_CLOWNS_AND_FAR_RIGHT_JOKERS
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 9:32am
  WANGO? What’s a WANGO?
  
  Report this comment
- RJJinGadsden
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 9:43am
  LEFTIST_CLOWNS_AND_FAR_RIGHT_JOKERS, Sorry, WANGO has had a number of names here. Guess he keeps getting kicked off then continually resurrects himself with a new name via something like a free Yahoo account. As far as I know he started as HORSE_DANCER, then WANGO, followed by PANTSLODIAN, AND GLENNDA, but is now YOURSENSEI. Those of us who have been any length of time still call him WANGO.
  
  Report this comment
- LEFTIST_CLOWNS_AND_FAR_RIGHT_JOKERS
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 10:20am
  RJJINGADSDEN. Thanks for the update. I’m assuming he’s a die-hard LEFTIST_ CLOWN trolling TheBlaze like the FAR_RIGHT Ron Paulist JOKERS? Or the other way around?
  
  Report this comment
- barber2
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 10:28am
  RJJ: Don’t forget those old Trolls JUSTTIM and ELIASIUM… so needy …
  
  Report this comment
- RJJinGadsden
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 10:50am
  LEFTIST_CLOWNS_AND_FAR_RIGHT_JOKERS, LOL, that’s it pretty much in a nutshell.
  BARBER2, They are not forgotten. I used to often link a particular song when ever they appeared here.
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WmbbFD_XhQ
  
  Report this comment
dublinthewagons
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:19am
While Rome burns.

Report this comment
Log in to ReplyReply
- CatB
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:35am
  And little kids are kept out of the White House
  
  Report this comment
- YOURSENSEI
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 11:52am
  This is what you must know:
  
  . . . Charlie Daniels fiddles.
  
  it is so.
  
  Report this comment
barber2
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:10am
Maybe Barack can host the Oscars when he is no longer Occupying the White House . After all, he is great at reading scripted lines , dressing well, living off of the tax payers, mocking political opponents, and arrogantly telling others how to perform – from sipping water to redistributing their wealth.

Report this comment
Log in to Reply Reply
Shasta.Red.Banks
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:09am
I wonder how many weeks we could have continued to allow visitors to tour the White House if OBlamo and the secret service stayed home.

Report this comment
Log in to Reply Reply
banjarmon
Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:08am
Mr POS, QUIT YOUR DAY JOB!!!

Report this comment
Log in to ReplyReply
- CatB
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 8:36am
  Amen!
  
  Report this comment
- Proverbs17-12NLT
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 10:58am
  Looks like a bunch of 1%ers to me?
  
  Report this comment
- henryKnox
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 11:34am
  His comment about Ted Cruz makes me wonder what this administration has against hispanics? Why do they always pick on Hispanics and African Americans like Colonel West when they achieve success?
  
  Report this comment
- YOURSENSEI
  Posted on March 10, 2013 at 11:53am
  Mr or Ms HENRYKNOX,
  
  This is what you must know:
  
  It’s because they’re morons and fascists.
  
  It is so.
  
  Report this comment

It appears that you have Javascript Disabled. Please enable Javascript in your browser preferences for a better user experience on TheBlaze. You can not comment without Javascript enabled.