Noted Washington Post writer and humorist Gene Weingarten shared a brief poem with readers on Tuesday in which he imagined St. Peter shooting National Rifle Association head Wayne LaPierre in the crotch.
The poem was titled, “Ode to Pure Evil.” The lines in question: A toast then, to our friend Wayne LaPierre | For whom gun deaths have been a lucky totem | Methinks St. Peter will espy him, standing there | And smile, and aim a 30-30 at his scrotum.
“In other raging lefty news, I had a slap-to-the-forehead realization at dinner last night,” he said of the poem. “I was thinking about public people I don’t like, and I realized that there is one person in the U.S. who is so evil he transcends all others. Can you think of who that is?”
The full version is below:
I shall write some verse for my tomorrow’s chat
About the Antichrist, a fetid presence in the air –
I speak of Lucifer, Old Scratch, the Stygian bat,
That dastard, truth’s assassin: Wayne LaPierre.
Twenty children dead, and also adults six
Slain by yet another madman a-hole with a gun
Too easily obtain’d; Wayn’d solve it with a fix–
More arms for a-holes! That’s the ticket, son.
In Wayne’s World, no problem lacks a cure:
Violence begets violence, so he’ll say
Arm yourself some more, to feel secure
Against the guy who we armed yesterday,
Others in the public eye are filth and slime
(O’Reilly milks our hate and offers bitter brew on tap)
But Wayne’s misdeeds will more withstand the test of time –
Standing as he does before us, unashamed and full of crap.
A toast then, to our friend Wayne LaPierre
For whom gun deaths have been a lucky totem
Methinks St. Peter will espy him, standing there
And smile, and aim a 30-30 at his scrotum.