John E. Holden died last week at age 93 after falling from a retirement community window in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. But the elderly man’s personality lives on this week as his hilarious obituary — penned by himself a few years ago — was recently published.
Appearing in the Lancaster Intelligencer Journal, “Jack” leads with his death saying he “took the Deep Six…after a life filled with endless laughter and debauchery.” Even in death, this laughter and debauchery doesn’t stop, making appearances here and there in his self-obituary.
It’s worth a full read, so here’s the whole bit with his humor called out (emphasis added):
John E. Holden, alias Jack, took the Deep Six, Monday, May 27, 2013 at the Willow Valley Retirement Community after a life filled with endless laughter and debauchery. While flying his beloved Corsair as a Marine Fighter Pilot during WWII, he was awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross for his combat activities, the Air Medal for action in Okinawa in 1945 and the Distinguished Fleeing Cross for avoiding numerous women who were seeking child support under unproven circumstances.
After WWII he spent eight years with the Armstrong Cork Company and resigned with the title of Assistant Director of Advertising plus a dinky pension. He then joined the Hubley Toy Company and later became an independent toy designer.
He was a longstanding member of the Lancaster Country Club, the Hamilton Club and the International Mickey Mouse Club from which he was immediately banned after providing housing for a number stray cats.
For many years prior to his demise, he wrote a tongue in cheek publication at Willow Valley called “The Wrinkle Valley News” where he had close to a thousand readers whom he referred to as “The Inmates of Wrinkle Valley.” They fully enjoyed his creative humor and his intention to help them make unwise decisions in their hectic lives.
Jack was widowed ten years ago after sixty-one years of marriage to Elaine Ewing Holden. He has had a number of other wives recently, none of which were his. Three daughters, Holly, Wendy and Anne Holden and a son, John E. Holden, Jr. have managed to survive despite being related to their father. His last words were “I’m really going to miss myself.”
Holden died after falling from a fourth-floor window at Willow Valley Retirement Community. He was found by a security guard in the early Morning hours last Monday, according to the Lancaster Intelligencer Journal.
An autopsy revealed he died from traumatic injuries as a result. Although his death was ruled an accident, the Intelligencer Journal reported that Holden had pre-existing conditions that could have been a factor in his fall.
Commenters on the funeral home’s website, which also published the obituary, express how much they are going to miss Holden’s sense of humor. Even those who didn’t know him, wrote that they wish they had.