To say that David and Cat Kaufman’s love story is uncommon is an understatement. Twenty years into their marriage, both revealed life-changing secrets — information that would very literally cause a chaotic and abrupt end to most marriages.
After two decades of happiness and family-building, David says he realized he was gay, which later translated into a recognition that he’s actually transgender.
If that’s not startling enough, Cat, with a secret of her own, recognized around the same time that she’s a lesbian. Rather than ignore these revelations, the two told one another how they were feeling.
Again, this would have led to fighting and chaos in most relationships. But this couple was apparently different. Rather than divide and argue their way through separation, the two decided to help one another on their newfound journeys.
David, who now goes by the name Dani and identifies as a female, and Cat made their feelings known to one another after they realized that something wasn’t quite right with their relationship. The two recently sat down and shared their story with KOVR-TV.
“I just said, ‘You know, I need to tell you something,” Cat said of her decision to come out to her husband. “I need to tell you that I’ve been thinking that I would like to date women.”
Dani, who hadn’t yet revealed his own sexual confusion, said that it was clear that Cat was nervous about revealing this news. But the then-husband obviously had a secret of his own.
“And I remember saying, ‘Oh my god, get out of town! I just figured out I’m gay!,’” Dani recalls.
What followed was a fascinating journey. David set out to became a woman about one year ago, beginning a process of transitioning that she says officially acknowledges feelings and emotions that have haunted her since she was a child.
David married twice and had a number of children (one of which is with Cat), despite feeling inside that he was always a woman. Years later, the issue clearly came to a head.
“No, I don’t just want to be female. I really am female,” Dani told KOVR-TV, going on to speak directly to those who might not understand the transition. “I’m sorry if you don’t understand it but this is who I am.”
To help others comprehend the journey the couple has taken, Dani wrote a book entitled, “Untying the Knot: A Husband and Wife’s Story of Coming Out Together.” An official description for the book reads:
By all accounts, David Kaufman, M.D., had a good life—he was married to a woman he loved, had three children, and a fulfilling career as a radiologist. But as the years passed, he realized that he could no longer deny who he was—he was a gay man. However, before he could tell his wife, she told him she needed to talk to him about an important issue. It was then that she confided in him that she had accepted the growing awareness that she was gay. Her announcement surprised him, but made it easier for him to tell her he, too, was gay. In Untying the Knot, David Kaufman shares a unique story of coming out and how he and his former wife have helped each other on their separate journeys into new lives.
Watch the couple describe their complicated story, below:
David and Cat are no longer living together, but they reside only a few minutes apart — and they claim they’re still best friends, despite their complex relationship.