It’s April Fools’ Day and — as tradition would have it — there are countless prank stories circulating on the web. We’ve complied the best ones here and will continue updating this list throughout the day.
1. United States to Ban Meat Sales
Mercola, a website dedicated to sharing “the most up to date natural health information and resources with the public” posted a fake news alert titled, “United States to Ban Raw Meat Sales, Following Joint Agency Decision.”
2.) British Government to Ban Selfies
The U.K.’s Metro published a story reporting that “a new branch of the Department for Culture, Media & Sport has drafted proposals for a ban on selflies, which could come into force as early as the end of next year.”
3.) Piers Morgan Appointed as Liberal Democrats Adviser
The Huffington Post published a story reporting that “Piers Morgan is to take up a media-consulting role for the Liberal Democrats of the next general election, according to a senior party figure.”
4.) Founder of Atheist Shoes Finds God, Closes Shop
Atheist Shoes posted a fake blog post saying that after a “difficult decision” the shop would close after the founder had a “divine” experience.
He found god.
“It is deeply hypocritical for me to continue selling ATHEIST Shoes, to people whom I fear may be on the wrong side (through no fault of their own) of a divine will. And, so, ATHEIST Shoes will shortly discontinue its operations,” the post said.
“Life as an atheist was hard – the cynicism, the hedonism, the loneliness Always quick to humour and slow to love. Eager to argue and rationalise, but resistant to pure feeling. It is not something to promote or revel in. And, whilst we achieved something godly in the incredible comfort of our shoes (something of which I remain proud) I cannot, in good conscience, ever make an ATHEIST Shoe again,” it continued.
“So we are closing Atheist Shoes. But we still have a lot of stock to shift (unfortunately I am not yet in God’s Kingdom and I still owe some money on a scooter, whilst Tobin’s baby will need to eat while his father is job-hunting). So we are announcing a 20 euro discount, on all shoes, starting now,” the post concluded.
5.) Polar Vortex Temperature Climate Aboard Virgin America?
Nest released a YouTube video announcing that they had teamed up with Virgin America “to reinvent the way people fly.” The video shows what they called “Total Temperature Control” which would allow flyers to choose between an interesting set of climates.
6.) New River Gorge Bridge to Be Relocated
Ace Adventure Resort published a post aimed at whitewater adventurers notifying them that there is a “BIG change happening in the New River Gorge.”
“Due to the destruction of the West Virginia mudrat habitat, a protected and endangered species, the W.Va. Department of Thoroughfares and National Board of Parks have unveiled plans to move the New River Gorge Bridge, the most photographed landmark in West Virginia,” the post said.
7.) Sam Adams HeliYUM?
Samuel Adams unveiled a new beer infused with helium in their noble “pursuit of perfecting the flavor of Noble Hops.”
8.) Watch Bacon Sizzle on Netflix
Well, this technically isn’t a fake news story, but we thought we’d include it on the list. Netflix is allowing users to watch two brand new originals. One called “Sizzling Bacon” shows, well, bacon sizzling. The other, called “Rotisserie Chicken” shows 73 minutes of rotisserie chickens roasting.
9.) Launch of the ‘Worry’ App
Author Seth Godin published a comical new blog post announcing “Snowden’s new project.” He said the two were talking and decided to invent the “very first technological solution that maximizes the benefit of mankind’s oldest task: anxiety.”
“The Worry app is a front end to a sophisticated, cloud-based trouble-recognition system. Using Bayesian probability as well as advanced Fourier transforms and Markoff chains, the backend of Worry will monitor and calculate what really matters—the things you can’t control that somehow are a better use of all the time you’re spending trying to change things merely by thinking and worrying about them. (I didn’t understand all of this at first either, but Snowden is pretty smart, and explained it to me),” the post said.
“Imagine taking everything the web knows about you, including the content of your web history, your emails, your reading habits and more… then integrating that with real-time video cameras and GPS tracking… then adding to that what your friends, rivals and colleagues are saying about you (not just in public, but behind your back),” it continued.
10.) Dog Mauls Racing Sausage?
A Milwaukee news website published a fake news story reporting that at yesterday’s Brewers home opener, a racing sausage was mauled by “Hank the Dog.”
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