Famed Singer Reveals Secret Abortion That Left Her With Intense Guilt, Fears Over ‘God’s Payback’

Grammy-winning singer Toni Braxton has revealed the intense guilt she felt after having a secret abortion more than 10 years ago.

Recording artist Toni Braxton attends the Lupus LA Orange Ball on May 8, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Tiffany Rose/Getty Images for Lupus LA)

At the time, the unwed singer was apparently in the middle of a six-month prescription for Accutane, a strong anti-acne drug that is said to potentially impact fetuses when she found out that she was pregnant with then-boyfriend Keri Lewis’ baby, the New York Daily News reported.

While she reportedly admits in the book that the abortion was more centered on convenience than the fear of abnormalities, numerous outlets report that concern over the drug’s potential impact on the fetus played a role in her decision.

Braxton, who married Lewis in 2001 and divorced him in 2013, admits in her new memoir, “Unbreak My Heart,” that she felt immense guilt after the abortion, especially considering her strict, Christian upbringing.

Braxton went on to have children with Lewis, though the termination had a profound impact on her perspective. She later had two sons — Diezel, 11, who is autistic, and 12-year-old Denim.

The singer found herself wondering whether Diezel’s autism was God’s retribution for her decision to end the earlier pregnancy and whether her parents’ messy divorce and her lupus diagnosis in 2010 were additional punishments.

“Is God punishing me for that abortion?,” she writes in the book, noting that she found herself thinking that it was “God’s payback to give my son autism.”

Braxton’s Christian upbringing was so strict that she claims her church required the memorization of 26 Bible verses per week. She would sometimes ignore schoolwork to make time for Bible classes and associated church activities, according to the Daily News.

(H/T: New York Daily News)