Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Release Survival Guide for…Weddings?
- Posted on July 10, 2012 at 5:35pm by
Erica Ritz
- Print »
- Email »
(Photo: Getty Images)
Something old, something new, something borrowed, and…something from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention? Yes, the government bureaucracy has seemingly grown so large that it is issuing a “survival guide” (their term) for weddings!
In an article seemingly better suited for a doctor’s office magazine than a government release, the CDC begins:
As you gather your nearest and dearest to celebrate what should be a joyful time, Mother Nature, clashing personalities, and unexpected situations could easily thwart even the best laid plans. Being in the throes of wedding season, many of us here at CDC realized that planning for a wedding isn’t that much different from planning for a disaster. Just remember: Get a Kit, Make a Plan, and Be Informed.
Read what the government has to say about the ideal wedding kit, below:
You’ve put in a lot of work leading up to this event, so the idea of a back-up emergency kit shouldn’t be too far-fetched. The bridal kit should include extra safety pins, makeup for touchups, maybe a few sedatives. It also wouldn’t hurt to have the essentials from a home emergency kit or “go-bag” by your side. You never know when you might need to bandage up a clumsy flower girl, revive a passed out reception guest, or even evacuate. A first aid kit, bottles of water, snacks, medications, extra cash, and important documents are just a few of the more practical items to have handy. [Emphasis added]
Because there’s nothing better than a drowsy (or delirious) bride, and no one in the wedding party would have extra makeup without a government official reminding them. And what happened to preparing for an emergency being crazy talk?
(Photo: Getty Images)
The CDC continues in the same “chick-lit” magazine style:
Emergencies could range from a tear in your wedding gown, tornado, health issues, monster-in-laws, or bridezilla on the loose. It’s important to be aware of the possible issues and to do your homework. Just like you know the risks of putting feuding family members in one room, you should also know to check the weather report.
You never know when Bridezilla might pop up. When dealing with an emotional bride, try to remember your loved one is probably stressed out and will soon return to her caring self after the wedding is over. Be supportive and have some bottled water from your emergency kit and a box of chocolate on hand. And remember there’s safety in numbers; divide the bride’s demands to other bridesmaids, groomsmen and family members to help ease your own stress. [Emphasis added]
The CDC has a history of preparing American citizens for the “worst.” In May, they issued a report on how to prepare for a “zombie apocalypse,” complete with dramatic photos.
Next time there’s a debt ceiling crisis, and we’re told that we have a choice between more taxes, more debt, or cutting the jobs of teachers and firefighters, perhaps it’s time to consider scaling back some other miscellaneous government agencies. No offense to the CDC, but there’s a strong possibility Americans can “survive” a wedding (or even a zombie apocalypse) without government assistance.
Click here for a breakdown of how the CDC will be spending its 2013 budget.
Comments (31)
Sign In To Post Comments! Sign In
Popular Stories
Does Misstated Marathon Claim Prove Paul Ryan Is Dishonest? (POLL) 669 Comments
‘Jumah at the DNC’ Speaker: ‘Muslims Visited America Prior to Columbus’ & ‘It Was a Muslim’ Who Guided Him to the ‘New World’ 525 Comments
Paper Details Obama Admin’s Alleged Secret Note Sent to Iran: If Israel Attacks, We Won’t Get Involved 384 Comments
Obama: RNC Like Watching ‘Black-and-White TV’ Because Romney ‘Did Not Offer a Single New Idea’ 365 Comments
Roseanne Barr: Most Billionaires ‘Violent Pedophiles’ & ‘Heartless’ Cocaine Addicts 327 Comments
Faith
This Is the Creationists‘ Response to Scientist Bill Nye’s Viral Pro-Evolution Video Claiming They Harm Children 254 Comments- Pakistani Muslim Cleric Accused of Framing Disabled Christian Girl in Koran-Burning Case Read More
- ‘Made Up Religion’: TV Historian Enrages Muslims, Receives Threats After Producing UK Documentary Questioning Islam’s Beginnings 263 Comments
Meet the Controversial German Imam Accused of Brutally Beating His Wife & Pushing Sharia Law Read More
‘Self-Proclaimed Messiah’ & Unification Church Leader the Rev. Sun Myung Moon Has Died — Here’s His Life Story Read More
Business
President Obama Issues Major ‘Green Energy’ Executive Order 114 Comments- Germany’s Upcoming Court Ruling Will be Huge for the EU Read More
Ford Looks to Beat Toyota for Best-Selling Car in 2012 With This Model 147 Comments
Bernanke & QE3: Here’s What You Need to Know Read More- ‘Extortion’: Why Did the Labor Department ‘Drop the Hammer’ on Oregon Farmers? 300 Comments
Technology
- This Is the Creationists‘ Response to Scientist Bill Nye’s Viral Pro-Evolution Video Claiming They Harm Children 254 Comments
‘TaserDrone’: Hackers Weaponize Quadcopter With Actual ‘Shocking’ Technology Read More
Ever Heard of the Wild ‘Burning Man’ Festival in the Middle of the Nev. Desert? Here’s Your Primer Read More
Stanford Develops Technology ‘Better Than Steroids’ for Athlete Recovery Read More
Have You Pretended to Know What ‘the Cloud’ Is? You’re Not Alone Read More
Submitting your tip... please wait!
blair152
Posted on July 15, 2012 at 5:44pmI’m not married.
Report Post »dsleejcopp
Posted on July 14, 2012 at 10:34pmNo. It’s not a bad idea to have a plan, but it is a bad idea to take directions on your plan from the government. Those poor Founding Fathers are rolling over in their graves and groaning at what our government makes it their business to do “for” (to) us. Every time I think the news out of Washington can’t get any worse, it does. DC, CDC.EPA Pick your acronym. They are shortcuts to HE**!
Report Post »tothepoint
Posted on July 14, 2012 at 4:43pmAnd don’t forget America:
Report Post »Obama asked for those who are sending wedding, anniversary or birthday presents, to send him the money instead for his re-election campaign.
Yes, Obama really did that. Look it up.
Hey Obama – No way you‘re getting the anniversary present I’m buying my sweetie this year.
Good grief. You are such a beggar, Obama.
asmurff
Posted on July 14, 2012 at 3:09pmQuite obviously the CDC’s budget needs to be severely cut. This is a waste of the taxpayers money! Who authorized it? They need to be fired now!
Report Post »januscatinhat
Posted on July 14, 2012 at 2:29pmToo funny!!! Wonder what guidelines the CDC would put out for Baby Boomers’ Weddings, like over 60ish people who feel young, think young, act young and don’t really know they are seniors, so planning a wedding to dance away the blues? Already made the babies, did tons of stuff to get tons of experience doing tons of stuff, but no telling what the government would say to these folks? Ok, don’t want to know. Just wait and see what kind of stand straight up “riots” this crowd can do having survived the ’60s-2012s.
Report Post »drdavidgivens
Posted on July 14, 2012 at 2:29pmgrassrootsvoters.org
AND I’M PAYING FOR THIS WITH MONEY BORROWED FROM THE CHINESE!
Dr. Dave
Report Post »acovenantinblood
Posted on July 11, 2012 at 9:22amObama told us that the government creates jobs. We should have listened to him.
Report Post »RaydocX
Posted on July 11, 2012 at 2:07amAs ag room to be I am amused… My bride Sid ‘see, I’ll be moral again, eventually.’
Report Post »I don‘t think the hotel will welcome a ’go bag’ that includes firearms.
Maybe its another sign we should go to Veas, where BHO said not to go, and to limit the potential dangers we will face… When was the last time a tsunami hit Nevada?…
cmonnow
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 11:00pmIt’s a blog – get over it. This is how people communicate in the modern world. It’s not a mandate. It’s an engagement. Weddings are times when a large group of people are brought together. It’s not a bad idea to have a plan in case something goes wrong.
Report Post »4xeverything
Posted on July 11, 2012 at 6:39amYou are out of your ever-lovin’ mind! NO government agency should have this much nonproductive time on their hands! This is a blattant disreguard of the economic crisis we face. It is a big deal and shows how out of touch and bloated the gov. is. This is Nero fiddling and doing it in the town square.
Report Post »deeberj
Posted on July 11, 2012 at 8:24amIt is a gov’t sponsored and paid for blog and they chose to spend the time researching and writing about a wedding disaster kit. This is a waste of my taxes and a waste of the gov‘t worker’s time. I work for state gov’t and I would not be happy if handed this stupid assignment. I understand my income is paid for by taxes and I don’t want to waste time and money on unnecessary work.
Report Post »ALL4FREEDOM
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 10:21pmEveryone take a deep breath. They‘re just trying to drive us nuts so we’ll riot. Don’t fall for their evil plot! Stay calm, and focus. Then, make D@MNED SURE that Republicans have a veto-proof majority in both chambers of Congress (on the off chance that You-Know-Who gets re-elected). That is our only hope to save this Republic. Memo to border governors: hire private security to keep tabs on the situation. If you try to use the National Guard, You-Know-Who will seize control of them and make the situation more dangerous.
Report Post »SHOWMESTATEGUY
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 9:22pmCrap, we are spending taxpayer dollars for this government agency to put out information like this. Please, Jesus, have mercy upon this once great nation.
Report Post »FEMALL
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 8:31pmYHGTBFKM. Another FED GOV DEPT IN NEED OF DOWNSIZING.
Report Post »HorseCrazy
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 7:54pmsedatives…you mean those same ones you throw doctors in jail for prescribing?
Report Post »dsleejcopp
Posted on July 14, 2012 at 10:38pmGood point. Do you mean to tell me that the CDC recommends giving another’s prescription drugs to a stressed out bride or family member or guest? Too much!
Report Post »Dan
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 7:34pmThese IDIOTS are watching WAYYYYYY too much TV, probably on our dime.
Report Post »Cosmos102
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 7:53pmSo now weddings are being treated the same as Hurricanes and a night in the evacuation center?
Report Post »cassandra
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 7:20pmSo this is what we are paying the CDC for ??????
Report Post »The-Monk
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 6:46pmDang, I got a hangnail and don’t know what to do.
I better check out the CDC website to see what their hangnail guide says…..
Report Post »quiltgal
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 7:07pmIt says people with hangnails should go immediately to doctor. It says your visit is “sort of free” with Obamacare and that you may only have to spend a day or two in the waiting room. It wishes you good luck finding a doctor.
Report Post »The-Monk
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 6:40pmOh, I get it.
This info is for CDC Zombie Weddings…
Zombies do get married, right?
Report Post »JACKTHETOAD
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 7:05pmThey only come out at night…like Bwaney, and they’re just as scary…
Report Post »quiltgal
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 6:38pmI wonder how many additional government workers were hired to advise the public on the horrible threat of bridezillas and zombies. Do you suppose they appear in Obama’s “Jobs Created or Saved” column?
Report Post »Countrygirl1362
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 6:35pmSo weddings are now a disease that needs controling? If not then why in heck is the CDC involved? Seems like they have real things that they need to tend to besides weddings. If they have this much time on their hands, they don’t need so many people working for them.
Report Post »Slice_Of_Life
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 6:29pmSoon to be released in Part 2 of the CDC mandate:
“Honeymoon Survival Guide”. The items contained in your Obamacare “go-bag” must include, but not be limited to: condoms (both male and female available), Karma Sutra for Beginners, home pregnancy kit, morning after pill, home AIDS testing kit, DNA paternity test kit, birth control pills, DIY abortion kits, emergency STD testing kits, broad spectrum antibiotics, various oils, gels and lotions, a variety of adult marital aids (toys), edible intimate apparel and a bottle of water.
Report Post »Under Obamacare all of the above “essentials” will be provided at NO COST through Planned Parenthood. In the event of non-traditional marriages, an alternate selection of gender specific (or gender neutral) adult marital aids (toys) are available upon request. The first 100 recipients of the new mandated kits will also receive an autographed copy of “Dreams from My Father”.
**Note: If you fail to notify Planned Parenthood of your pending nuptials, thus not claiming your mandated FREE kit, you will be assessed a “penalty” of 2.5% of your adjusted gross income for that filing year. This penalty will be collected by the IRS. If you are exempt from filing income tax returns, the government reserves the right to substitute any individually owned assets in lieu of seizing any future tax refunds.
RJJinGadsden
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 6:18pmSo, this beats the study of real diseases, Makes me really wonder about their validity these days.
Report Post »BloodSweatandTears
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 6:15pmIt sounds like the mandate of creeping government budget, ‘use it or lose it’ routine. The CDC was told if you want an increase next year, you’ll have to use this years allotment. So they came up with this wild idea to ensure your hard earned tax dollars -that apparently were just lying about, be put to good use. And like government trying to be cool and relevant, really hit the mark.
I feel so much better don’t you?
Report Post »mikefromaltoona
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 5:49pmBad experience at the altar Erica? Really, doesn’t this belong in the blog section or labeled as commentary?
Report Post »ChildofJesus
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 5:44pmwhat?? like I need directions for my own wedding! I‘ll take what advice I can get from my mother and whoever’s around who has ideas and call it a day. heck, I don’t even want a ginormous wedding just a simple ceremony and some light finger foods.
Report Post »JACKTHETOAD
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 5:56pmFinger foods…yum. :)
Report Post »