Conan O’Brien Warns Dartmouth Grads: Only People Hiring Right Now — ‘Panera Bread and Mexican Drug Cartels’
- Posted on June 13, 2011 at 7:46pm by
Tiffany Gabbay
- Print »
- Email »
Conan O‘Brien combined levity with words of wisdom during his commencement speech to Dartmouth’s 2011 graduating class Sunday. Referring to the Ivy League school as Harvard and Yale’s cool, “sexually confident” younger brother, the Harvard alumnus joked that had he attended Dartmouth, he would have received his honorary degree from Harvard.
O’Brien praised the graduating class on working their entire lives for this “one moment.”
You have achieved something special. Something only 92 percent of Americans your age will ever know – a college diploma. With a college diploma, you now have a crushing advantage over eight percent of the workforce. I’m talking about losers like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg.
But O‘Brien also had some cautionary words for graduates’ parents, stating:
“If your kids majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only place they are now really qualified to get a job is ancient Greece.”
(H/T Huffington Post)
Popular Stories
Does Misstated Marathon Claim Prove Paul Ryan Is Dishonest? (POLL) 676 Comments
‘Jumah at the DNC’ Speaker: ‘Muslims Visited America Prior to Columbus’ & ‘It Was a Muslim’ Who Guided Him to the ‘New World’ 527 Comments
Paper Details Obama Admin’s Alleged Secret Note Sent to Iran: If Israel Attacks, We Won’t Get Involved 399 Comments
Obama: RNC Like Watching ‘Black-and-White TV’ Because Romney ‘Did Not Offer a Single New Idea’ 372 Comments
Roseanne Barr: Most Billionaires ‘Violent Pedophiles’ & ‘Heartless’ Cocaine Addicts 328 Comments
Faith
This Is the Creationists‘ Response to Scientist Bill Nye’s Viral Pro-Evolution Video Claiming They Harm Children 265 Comments- Pakistani Muslim Cleric Accused of Framing Disabled Christian Girl in Koran-Burning Case Read More
- ‘Made Up Religion’: TV Historian Enrages Muslims, Receives Threats After Producing UK Documentary Questioning Islam’s Beginnings 275 Comments
Meet the Controversial German Imam Accused of Brutally Beating His Wife & Pushing Sharia Law Read More
‘Self-Proclaimed Messiah’ & Unification Church Leader the Rev. Sun Myung Moon Has Died — Here’s His Life Story Read More
Business
President Obama Issues Major ‘Green Energy’ Executive Order 146 Comments- Germany’s Upcoming Court Ruling Will be Huge for the EU Read More
Ford Looks to Beat Toyota for Best-Selling Car in 2012 With This Model 147 Comments
Bernanke & QE3: Here’s What You Need to Know Read More- ‘Extortion’: Why Did the Labor Department ‘Drop the Hammer’ on Oregon Farmers? 300 Comments
Technology
- This Is the Creationists‘ Response to Scientist Bill Nye’s Viral Pro-Evolution Video Claiming They Harm Children 265 Comments
‘TaserDrone’: Hackers Weaponize Quadcopter With Actual ‘Shocking’ Technology Read More
Ever Heard of the Wild ‘Burning Man’ Festival in the Middle of the Nev. Desert? Here’s Your Primer Read More
Stanford Develops Technology ‘Better Than Steroids’ for Athlete Recovery Read More
Have You Pretended to Know What ‘the Cloud’ Is? You’re Not Alone Read More
Submitting your tip... please wait!
Comments (59)
teddrunk
Posted on June 14, 2011 at 5:42am23 minutes? So it’s like a sermon. He’s an Obama man, so who cares what the Commie thinks or says.
Report Post »If any of it is funny, congratulate his writers.
sillyfreshness
Posted on June 14, 2011 at 3:39amConan actually gave a great speech if you listen to the whole thing. Quite brilliant really. How he could talk 23 minutes of comedy is a real challenge and he had some profound words of wisdom in it. Shows he’s a lot smarter than he pretends to be.
Report Post »sillyfreshness
Posted on June 14, 2011 at 3:09amChances are if you went to school at Harvard or Dartmouth, you have rich parents and don’t need to worry too much about a job. Even if your daddy isn’t filthy rich, he most likely has buddies or connections to get you a job after graduation.
Report Post »MikieTx
Posted on June 14, 2011 at 1:19amConan O’Brien is like Avis. He’s number 2. He trys harder. But let’s be honest. Who cares about number 2? This is America. Winning is what it’s about. Might play in Berlin, but not here!
Report Post »iheartgeorgewashington
Posted on June 14, 2011 at 12:52amGreat job! Very funny and very wise words. Yes, comedians can be more than joke tellers.
Report Post »We all know that Conan is a liberal. But you have to give credit where credit is due.
It is O.K. to fail. It is O.K. to loose. All that matters is that you pick yourself up and keep trying.
Clive
Posted on June 14, 2011 at 2:50pmquit making so much sense, you are getting the tards all riled up.
Report Post »NuffSaid
Posted on June 14, 2011 at 12:22amJeez! He looks a lot like Queen Elizabeth, the Virgin Queen. Was that on purpose?
He used to hip, but now he’s just older. Like the rest of us… Think Yale will snag him for next year?
Report Post »teddrunk
Posted on June 14, 2011 at 7:04amNuff, dead on, it’s Queen Elizabeth 1 all right.
Report Post »NuffSaid
Posted on June 14, 2011 at 12:17amDidn’t Conan used to be that comedian on TV?
Report Post »BONETRAUMA
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 11:42pmworked their lives for this one movement (from the bowel) grads from the stain
Report Post »MCGIRV
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 11:37pmThat was funny!
Report Post »supertas
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 11:14pmHe fully supports the moron-in-chief responsible for no jobs. So cone-head, shut up.
Report Post »Mauser KAR98K
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 10:56pmGreat speech, and it is all so true.
Report Post »Glenn is my hero
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 10:44pmI bet Panera Bread isn’t even hiring!!
Report Post »NanaLaLa
Posted on June 14, 2011 at 2:12pmI hear McDonald’s is.
Report Post »SkiTuna
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 10:05pmConan O’Brian in my opinion is a phucknut! A second rate jokster and liberal… Why anyone would listen to this jerkweed is foolish. Why wate any time on this twit……
Report Post »Workforit
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 10:04pmConan again steps up to the plate and sends one over the fence.
Report Post »nomercy63
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 9:58pmWe used to think higher education was a symbol of achievement now just mockery, shame on us!!!!
Report Post »TRONINTHEMORNING
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 9:48pmWell, I don’t care what he, Stewart, Leno, or Dave think about the world. Make me laugh; that’s your job.
Report Post »jim
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 9:41pmThey will all be voting for Obama, and, thus, can remain unemployed.
Report Post »abbygirl1994
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 9:29pmYep, he is right, thank you Obama. Hey kids, you want change vote Obama out 2012! Study deeper for the truth, because you have been brainwashed and lied to. God help all of us, God Bless America!
Report Post »cementman
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 9:18pmI thought this was a great speech. Funny and moving.
Report Post »Bhaub
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 8:50pmIt was actually a funny, moving speech he delivered, so it’s odd that the article focuses on a single line. It’s 23 minutes long and has inspirational stuff. Glass half full, yeah?
Report Post »Workforit
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 10:08pmHey just be glad to have the glass…
Report Post »TMan2020
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 8:32pmWho in their right mind would pay Conan to speak to anyone?
Report Post »This doofer is a comedian! He has nothing to offer young people.
jumbles
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 8:54pmYou may have forgotten but young poeople are full of the joys of life and have an optimistic view of their future.Do you think Newt Gingrich would be more suited to reach them?
Report Post »Ray Dalobsta
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 9:57pmSo a “commedian” can’t think, ponder, discern, learn, master, or otherwise use his/her brain on anything but “comedy?” Where did YOU get YOUR edjuhmakayshun? Somewhere near Washington, DC, no doubt.
Report Post »Workforit
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 10:14pmHey t-man… The truth hurts and then just when you start to heal… It bites you in the@ss!
Report Post »Hula Calhoun
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 10:42pmThis “doofer” is a Harvard alumnus. Or don’t you know what “alumnus” means?
Report Post »ICEDRAGONNITE
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 8:21pmGood jobs for the elite. Love the bread. DRUG CARTELS WILL PAY FOR PART TIME WORKERS. Then you can go back to school and get your Dr’s.
Report Post »bitter clinger
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 8:00pmGreat job,another riveting story.
Report Post »crisco34
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 7:58pmhow true …
Report Post »NOBALONEY
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 7:53pmWhat ever happened to that, “you ain’t going anywhere without that sheepskin”.
Report Post »cheezwhiz
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 8:00pm“If your kids majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only place they are now really qualified to get a job is Sore@$$ basement as trolls @ the Blaze ”
Report Post »hersey10
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 8:05pmOFA is hiring young skulls full of mush to brainwash in order to attempt a reelection of the worst president in the HISTORY of the republic .
Report Post »Exrepublisheep
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 8:10pm@hersey10 Bushie2 can’t be re-elected.
Report Post »cheezwhiz
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 8:14pmConan O’Brien Warns Dartmouth Grads: Only People Hiring Right Now — ‘Panera Bread and Mexican Drug Cartels’
Report Post »————
Sorry F/Dartmouth, its only Panera Bread for you.
The mexican drug cartels have chosen Stanford
:P
fastfacts
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 8:18pmCNN GOP DEBATE IS ON LIVE: http://tiny.cc/rafgl
Any of these candidates are way better than Obama.
Report Post »Snowleopard {gallery of cat folks}
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 8:35pmConan definitly shows the case that dumb luck and apperance of attempted humor ocassionally does work out in making a fortune.
Report Post »Veritas vos liberabit
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 8:42pmI thought it was awesome and wish someone like him spoke at my graduations (HS and 2 college degrees). Mine were a bore!!
Report Post »EnoughBS
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 9:40pmThe truth hurts!!
Report Post »LetUsReason
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 9:41pmI watched the entire address….hilarious!
Report Post »Vixvenom
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 9:47pmEasy there Cheezwiz, Humanties and Fine Arts major here, and a full on Tea Party Marine….granted, I’m the exception, not the rule…….
Report Post »ENCIINOM
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 9:51pmPoor kids, musta not got the memo that goerge bush recked the ecomony. I would actually suggest making a one time exception and let Obama have four terms. Hes is the only one who can fix this mess and bush screwed it up so bad to terms aint anough.
Report Post »cheezwhiz
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 10:02pmVixvenom
Report Post »Easy there Cheezwiz, Humanties and Fine Arts major here, and a full on Tea Party Marine….granted, I’m the exception, not the rule…….
———–
You are lucky you finished college before these islamomarxists took over the economy to destroy it completely
Melvin Spittle
Posted on June 13, 2011 at 10:49pm@CHEEZWHIZ
Report Post »You made my day! Keep’em coming! Enjoying the comments while here in MX City!
Huguenot Descendant
Posted on June 14, 2011 at 3:47amI thought this was a really good speech. It was funnier than anything that Jon Stewart or Steven Colbert ever said. It had a great moment at the last 5 minutes, and he poked fun at the economy all of which was truth. So yeah, good job Conan. :)
Report Post »Bum thrower
Posted on June 14, 2011 at 12:59pm“Black studies” (BS for short) will get you a job promoting ‘social justice’ with Van Jones:
News flash; NY Congressman, Anthony Weiner is considering running for the Democratic Nomination for President against BHO. He wants Eric Holder to be his VP; ….Weiner_Holder………has a nice ring to it.
Report Post »