Entertainment

Did You Hear the One About bin Laden? A Roundup of the Late-Night Comics’ OBL Jokes

NEW YORK (AP) — Osama bin Laden’s death not only dominated the news Monday, but also fueled a wealth of comic relief, punch lines and unapologetic crowing from TV’s late-night hosts.

“You seem like you’re in a good mood,” said CBS’ David Letterman, greeting his “Late Show” audience with a grin. “You folks enjoy the Osama bin Laden season finale?”

Over on NBC, “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno was all smiles, too, as he declared, “It looks like President Obama has a new campaign slogan: ‘Yes I Did.’”

“Great news,” said Conan O’Brien on his TBS talk show. “The world’s most wanted man, Osama bin Laden, is dead. Which means now the official No. 1 threat to America is the KFC Double Down.”

“It was the first Twitter death rumor ever that turned out to be true,” cracked Jimmy Kimmel on ABC.

“Bin Laden is dead!“ said ”Late Night” host Jimmy Fallon on NBC — “just like the Republicans’ chances in 2012.”

And on CBS’ “Late Late Show,” host Craig Ferguson gave extra oomph to his trademark pronouncement, “It’s a great day for America, everybody!”

“I’m as giddy as a schoolgirl who just shot bin Laden in the eye,“ glowed Stephen Colbert on ”The Colbert Report,” adding, “I hope I am never again this happy over someone’s death.”

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Long-Awaited “We Got Bin Laden” Party
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog Video Archive

Colbert’s fellow Comedy Central host, Jon Stewart, was no less effusive on “The Daily Show.”

“I suppose,” he allowed, “I should be expressing some ambivalence about the targeted killing of another human being. And yet — uhhhh, no!”

Instead, Stewart said, he wanted details. Like, what was the look on bin Laden’s face when he realized “the helicopters overhead were not giving traffic and weather updates?”

Letterman’s Top Ten, “fresh from the State Department,” purported to list bin Laden’s final words, which might have been “I‘m not sure I want to live in a world where ’Fast Five’ is the No. 1 movie,” or maybe, “I need a house full of Navy SEALs like I need a hole in the head.”

The jokes — and there were many — were focused on a handful of basic themes. Like the courageous Navy SEALs who took bin Laden out.

According to O’Brien, “When he heard about it, former President Bush was furious and said, ‘Wait a minute — I could have used seals?!’”

“How about those Navy SEALs?” marveled Letterman. “They jump out of a helicopter and they break into the compound, and they fire a warning shot into his head.”

“Well, the good news is,” he added, invoking another prevalent theme, “bin Laden lived to see the royal wedding.”

“Between the death of bin Laden and the marriage of Kate Middleton and Prince William,” Kimmel said, “it’s an exciting time to be in the commemorative plate business.”

But what will happen to bin Laden in the next life?

Fallon disclosed that the 72 virgins supposedly awaiting the al-Qaida leader in paradise had turned out to be “just some dudes watching ‘Game of Thrones’ on HBO.”

Letterman had another theory: Owing to a screwup in the paperwork, they were 72 vegans.

The comics took glee in lampooning Donald Trump, who, as an undeclared GOP candidate for the presidency, has noisily questioned both Obama’s citizenship and college scholarship.

On NBC, first word of bin Laden’s death pre-empted the final few minutes of Sunday’s East Coast airing of the Trump-hosted reality show, “Celebrity Apprentice.”

“This,” said O’Brien, “begs the question: How do we kill bin Laden again NEXT Sunday?”

Kimmel observed that, “On the same night Obama was ordering the Navy to kill bin laden, his potential opponent in 2012, Donald Trump, was busy firing Playmate of the Month Hope Dworaczyk.”

And on “Late Night,” Fallon impersonated Trump in a sketch, stating that Obama “is so scared of me and so desperate for attention that he felt the need to hunt down and kill bin Laden right in the middle of my show.”

Online, much of the comedy reaction revolved around positioning Obama as an action hero. Making the rounds was a picture of a determined Obama and the label: “Everyone chill … out, I GOT THIS!”

Another photo showed a smiling Obama in sunglasses and suit with the caption: “Sorry it took so long to get you a copy of my birth certificate. I was too busy killing Osama bin Laden.”

One of the most popular topics on Twitter through much of Monday was Jack Bauer, the fictional government agent of “24.” The Jack Bauer messages typically reflected a pride in the Navy SEALs who carried out the mission.

Steve Martin took his own, pointedly ironic approach to the startling events: “Slow news day,” he tweeted.

But one of the most widespread quotations was from a much older comic legend: “I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.” That one was courtesy of Mark Twain.

___

AP Entertainment Writer Jake Coyle in New York contributed to this report.

Comments (128)

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  • .45peacemaker
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 11:15am

    what was wrong with what i said?

    Report Post »  
  • .45peacemaker
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 11:13am

    sinista youre not a happy individual are you.

    Report Post »  
    • Sinista MACE
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 5:03pm

      Not happy with the trampling of my rights, not happy with the economy, not happy with a lot of things, but I feel great.

      Report Post » V-MAN MACE  
  • BruceB
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 11:11am

    Does it mean that since Barry has the Nobel Peace prize and he ordered someone to be murdered in cold blood,that I can run around wacking my enemies and when I get stopped by the police,just claim it’s ok ,I doing it for world peace,the same way barry did?

    Report Post »  
  • POIPNE
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 11:00am

    If the Domino’s delivery guy drops in out of a helicopter, DON’T ANSWER THE DOOR!

    Report Post » POIPNE  
  • cruzinbill
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 10:50am

    the jokes were good, the main stream media mistakes were normal.

    Report Post »  
  • ecurbyy
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 10:44am

    What a relief. I am glad he didn’t manage to surrender. Could you imagine the media circus clowns covering that trial? Thank God!!!!!

    Report Post » ecurbyy  
  • crackerone
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 10:14am

    What! No jokes from Larry “The Gerbil” O’Donnell?

    Report Post »  
    • Deb C
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:50pm

      Dunno – I only see him when O’Reilly goes to commercial

      Report Post » Deb C  
  • heavyduty
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 10:03am

    Yeah, all them there left winging idiots on the tube, are cracking jokes. While what President Bush not Obambi did never gets mentioned. But you will probably never hear President Bush say anything about it. Obambi must have had a really bad day when Osami was hiding behind the skirts of a woman the day or night he was killed.

    Report Post »  
  • heavyduty
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:58am

    Only they could make David an enemy of the state.

    Report Post »  
  • eat-more-bacon-USA
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:49am

    Yawn – - – “late night comics”? Stewart, Colbert and Letterman have really passed their expiration dates – time for fresh “talent”/cancellation.

    Report Post » eat-more-bacon-USA  
  • kontrarian
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:46am

    “Red-on-red” humor – gotta love it!

    Report Post »  
  • LizB
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:42am

    I didn‘t even bother to watch any of the above clips except for Jon Stewart’s. And, once again, he was flippin’ funny. Abbottabad … OMG, that was great. So was the bit of Obama breaking in the the Apprentice programming because he had another Trump joke.

    Report Post » LizB  
  • PER100
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:36am

    god bless the military, and for a moment i even give a thanks to the Commander and Chief…. ok, the moment has passed. god bless the brave military.

    Report Post »  
    • Gonzo
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:43am

      Yep, give him his due. “Go ahead and Kill Bin Laden” tough call wasn’t it?

      Report Post » Gonzo  
  • Ron_WA
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:34am

    bin Laden: joke’s on you! Get it?!?!

    Report Post » Ron_WA  
  • Getten
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:33am

    Why is being the head of the worlds most dangerous terrorist organization a lot like being a Chinook Salmon?

    Life is good until the SEALS show up.

    Report Post » Getten  
  • UPGRAYDD
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:24am

    HA anybody hear that Trump wants to see the death certificate? Hmmm I wonder what the last thing to go through bin laden’s mind was….besides a bullet.

    Report Post »  
    • afflicted
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 10:36am

      I think it was….” Where the heck is that tiny red dot coming from ?”

      Report Post » afflicted  
    • Robert
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 2:48pm

      Well, he was probably saying to himself…

      “Wow! That blast of cool air in the middle of my brain is fantastic! Better than the Opium they were bringing me from Afganistan! I’ve got to get me some more of this!”

      “Wait a minute… is that blood?”

      Thump

      Report Post » Robert  
    • oh_yeah
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 3:54pm

      HA HA HA… now thats funny. bo killed him to soon. should have waited till a week before the election.

      Report Post »  
  • Sinista MACE
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:24am

    This entire escapade is a joke.

    Where is the body? Oh..it’s conveniently in the sea…

    Is the TSA gonna stop molesting your children at the gate?

    No?

    Seems like the jokes on you, idiot…

    Report Post » V-MAN MACE  
    • let us prey
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:36am

      Hey man check out peoplescube [There are frozen felon fallguys still available]. Is it satire or is it truth?

      Report Post » let us prey  
    • Sinista MACE
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:47am

      Oh wow, I haven’t checked it out yet, but I hope you’re not referring to frozen corspes kept on deck to act as plantable evidence…

      That is simply morbid.

      But I wouldn’t put anything past these degenerates.

      China supposedly murders prisoners and removes organs to sell on the black market and even to hospitals. They also use the hollowed-out cadavers to transport drugs and all sorts of contraband.

      Report Post » V-MAN MACE  
  • let us prey
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:17am

    If any of these people had to get a real job they would be screwed.

    Report Post » let us prey  
    • Bhaub
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 10:49am

      You do realize they have the same job as Beck, right?

      Report Post » Bhaub  
  • HumbleMan
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:17am

    Letterman makes me throw-up in my mouth. You can’t miss the derision for our military in his delivery.

    Yeah, David … we’re gettin our money out of those guys. Those would be the guys Obama didn’t want to pay last month because it was a “distraction”.

    Report Post » HumbleMan  
  • biohazard23
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:16am

    If this had happened on Bush’s watch, these same comedians (along with Code Pink, MoveOn, Martin Sheen, Sean Penn, Blowberman, and the entire staff of MSNBC – yes, all 3 of them) would be whining that it was illegal, immoral, horrible, blah blah blah and that GWB should be hanged for war crimes. But since it happened under Dopebama, it’s suddenly all good. Oh, the hypocrisy of the Left……. Pathetic, really.

    Report Post » biohazard23  
    • Gonzo
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:22am

      Yep, where was the trial he would have deserved if the CIA had found him when Bush was in office?

      Report Post » Gonzo  
    • lillymckim
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:25am

      @biohazard23
      sad… but oh so true …

      Report Post » lillymckim  
    • smak
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:26am

      You are full of it.

      Report Post »  
    • conversationcanwork
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:26am

      You can’t just whine that a group is being hypocritical without them being given this chance to do so.

      Report Post » LiberalMarine  
    • Miami
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:36am

      Typical,

      Do as I say not as I do…. It’s just what the left does

      Report Post » Miami  
    • biohazard23
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:37am

      Blah blah blah. Keep drinking the Kool-Aid, children. You know that what I said is true. Denial must be a wonderful coping strategy since you cling to it so fiercely, just like your taxes and abortion.

      Report Post » biohazard23  
    • Realist
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 10:34am

      Agree 100%

      Report Post »  
  • TRONINTHEMORNING
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:11am

    Right on, joke time!

    Report Post »  
  • Gonzo
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:09am

    After a few months of filling their gas tanks with $5 a gallon gas and collecting pop bottles to pay for food, the American people will remember who Obama is.

    Report Post » Gonzo  
    • Getten
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:42am

      Agreed. All the libs that say the lock is in on 2012 don’t remember Bush 1. He was a star after Desert Storm until the economy went south. Hello Mr. Bill!

      Report Post » Getten  
    • mill
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 10:26am

      So true.
      The “I won” got a momentary boost in the polls. Comics and talk show “know it alls”, e.g., barbara walters and those dips on day time tv, , but surely the American public is not so “dumb” as to think this one death actually matters.
      It makes us feel good momentarily, then reality at the gas pump, unemployment line, grocery checkout, hits us….and we see that one good head shot does not buy a gallon of gas or a loaf of bread.
      So let BHO strut around, he will be defeated in 2012. HOWEVER< look for more of these poll bumps to occur as the election nears.
      BHO is doing some underhanded things and we are not paying attention, again.

      Report Post »  
    • smak
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 10:56am

      Yeah, too bad Bush didn’t get Osama.

      Report Post »  
    • crackerone
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 6:53pm

      We know now Gonzo! His bounce lasted until he opened his mouth.

      Report Post »  
  • Blazer334
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:06am

    Bin Laden sleeps with the fishes.

    Report Post » Blazer334  
  • BruceB
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:05am

    Heyyyyyyy Stop the presses. I just figured out something.
    They used guns to kill Bennie Boy. Guns shoot bullets.
    So now thanks to Barry we can now go back to using firing squads to execute condemned prisoners. No more three drug cocktails. Way to go Barry.

    Report Post »  
  • Snowleopard {gallery of cat folks}
    Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:02am

    Well, at the least we know when the jokes start coming, then the mess is officially over…or in this case, the news lines of Bin Lauden.

    Report Post » Snowleopard {gallery of cat folks}  
    • 79USMC83
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:09am

      What has high walls and barbed wire on top???? A freaking PRISON !!!! Did the Paki’s have him under arrest?

      Report Post »  
    • Snowleopard {gallery of cat folks}
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:23am

      @Issachar Crust:

      I am as ready as I can be, that is why I also put my trust and hope in the Almighty; what HE deems best for me will be, the part I do is to carry forward without hesitation in the calling He has for me to carry out in His service.

      Report Post » Snowleopard {gallery of cat folks}  
    • marhee9
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:23am

      Even after changing his name from Osama to Usama, they can’t get reporters to get it right. That was pretty funny. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCUYPR00D5A

      Report Post »  
    • Miami
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:26am

      I‘d like to know how they’re still on TV, these guys are as funny as a heart attack

      Report Post » Miami  
    • Snowleopard {gallery of cat folks}
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:27am

      @79USMC:

      Indeed, got it.

      @Grandmaof5 (when you read this):

      Good morning, and hope the kitties are fine, mine is having a fit like only a cat can with the humming birds outside the windows. Going to be a hot one today here in Phoenix.

      Come and check my gallery out, the three newest additions (if you have not seen them) are Dancer 04; In the Garden 2, and Elder Rose. Hope you like them.

      Report Post » Snowleopard {gallery of cat folks}  
    • chickenlittle
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:29am

      AT 79USMC…

      That’s exactly what it was… a comfortable prison. Our “Allies” the Pakistanis knew exactly where he was. In return for “protection,” bin Laden was also a prisoner… to be used for their purposes, in case the U.S. decided to pull back the billions in aid. That compound did not exist 6 years ago… it was built to hide him, by our supposed friends.

      Report Post » chickenlittle  
    • decendentof56
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:31am

      Any more questions about Pakistan being a ‘friend’? They knew full well he was there.

      Report Post »  
    • chickenlittle
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:38am

      I also don’t think it was any coincidence that his “mansion” was a stone’s throw from a major military base.

      Report Post » chickenlittle  
    • Miami
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:38am

      decendentof56

      I‘d go collect all the cash we’ve given them in full, it should help pay down the debt…

      Report Post » Miami  
    • freedomweiner
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:52am

      Rome ???? Funny joke time ??? We are killing ourselves.

      “At what point will Americans sicken of their perpetrating war on other countries, on millions of other people and the contamination of our world with bombs, poisons, anger and revenge? How can we call it good when we killed over 100,000 and up to 200,000 Iraqis? How about the 2.0 million we killed in Vietnam in 10 years. How about the 100,000 or so in Korea? What exactly was the point, purpose and reason?”

      Wooldridge

      Report Post »  
    • wallyworld
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 10:41am

      @ ISSACHAR CRUST

      I don‘t think you’re a a fear mongerer, town crier, or a sissy. I think you’re a nut job.

      Report Post »  
    • Stoic one
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 10:43am

      Glad he is dead, joke as you like comedians….
      Distraction is over. This was done by the finest that the potus did not want to pay, remember. Back to what the potus does not want to talk about; the economy, the election, affordable energy ( I know the economy).

      Oh yea local levies here in Ohio, the school districts want MORE MONEY, no more fed stimulus money. My school district was SO PROUD they balanced the budget with stimulus money… tightened their belts…PHAH!

      Report Post » Stoic one  
    • Wayner
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 11:46am

      It’s kind of funny how the MSM has started spelling his name Usama bin Laden.
      I guess the similarities are too much!!

      Report Post »  
    • MASTER YODA
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 12:10pm

      Yeah, but they will be joking not when obummer loses in 2012. They, attacking the republican winner, will be. Yeesssssss.

      Report Post » MASTER YODA  
    • frodis
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 7:34pm

      Thanks George W. If it weren’t for you this would not have happened. And the libs know it.

      Report Post » frodis  
    • MiketheTrucker
      Posted on May 3, 2011 at 10:47pm

      It’s quite understandable why reporters get Obama confused with Osama….

      Osama Bin Laden………………. Obama Been Lyin’

      Report Post »  
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