Cleric Allegedly Bans Women From Touching Bananas & Cucumbers…Because They’re Too Sexual
- Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:08pm by
Madeleine Morgenstern
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Photo credit: Flickr user sergeant killjoy
An Islamic cleric in Europe has reportedly ruled women should be forbidden from touching — or even being near — bananas and cucumbers because their oblong shapes can make women think of sex.
Egyptian news site Bikya Masr:
The unnamed sheikh, who was featured in an article on el-Senousa news, was quoted saying that if women wish to eat these food items, a third party, preferably a male related to them such as their father or husband, should cut the items into small pieces and serve.
He said that these fruits and vegetables “resemble the male penis” and hence could arouse women or “make them think of sex.”
He also added carrots and zucchini to the list of forbidden foods for women.
According to Bikya Masr, the sheik was asked how to “control” women when they are out grocery shopping, and whether even holding the fruits and vegetables at the store would be bad. The cleric said the matter is between them and God.
Another question dealt with what to do if women in the family actually like to eat the forbidden foods: The sheik said they should be cut up in a hidden place where women cannot see them.
The cleric’s opinion prompted a wave of online mockery, the news site reported, with hundreds of comments denouncing him. One commenter reportedly said such religious “leaders” give Islam “a bad name,“ while another said the sheik is ”retarded” and must quit his post immediately. Still others accused him of simply trying to make headlines.
The report comes just days after Saudi Arabian academics claimed there would be no more virgins if women in the country were allowed to drive.
(h/t Weasel Zippers)
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Comments (249)
Cold Hard Truth
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:33pmThis made my day.
Report Post »Kankokage
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:44pmCold, hard…tee hee hee
Report Post »richauthor
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 2:05pm…and this from a religion in which the men use their bare left hand instead of Charmin?
Report Post »SWING HARD
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 2:08pmI can’t believe this is a true story. Unbelieveable, I guess as a man, I am no longer allowed to have any melons, tacos, or jello…..better go empty the fridge.
Report Post »richauthor
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 2:15pmIn the Muslim religion, the universal belief is that Allah will return to earth (sound familiar?) and when he does, he will return as an infant. Because the Muslim religion is tailored for a male, it is thought that Allah will return to only a male. The men, in the fear that the newborn infant will literally “pass through their fingers,” are thus compelled to sift through their excrement. If you don’t believe this, try touching a Muslim man with your left hand. Watch how he is offended by it.
Report Post »mils
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 2:18pmaActually i think this is a bigger disservice than we think.
Report Post »..it could be the closest thing muslim women come to a wiener that hasn’t been dipped into the local sheep or another guy before it comes home to her…just sayin…
jzs
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 2:29pmWhat a second! You mean the husband should cut up the fruit so his wife doesn’t start thinking about sex? What kind of husband would do that?
Listen, a husband who would do that ought to worry about what ideas his wife might get from watching him cut the fruit.
Report Post »jb.kibs
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 2:33pmnews flash, everything in nature is “Sexual”.
Report Post »Jinglebob
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 3:13pmAre they allowed within 50 feet of the Deli counter? Oh those Muslims, how we love their backwardness.
Report Post »TH30PH1LUS
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 3:23pmDROP that banana, ROSE-ELLEN!
Report Post »USAMEDIC3008
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 3:35pmSWINGHARD
Report Post »Dont forget the pie…
Faith1029
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 4:04pmThese comments are hilarious!!!!!!!
Report Post »pavepaws
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 4:07pmCrap, no candy canes or pretzel rods.
Report Post »pavepaws
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 4:09pm“One commenter reportedly said such religious “leaders” give Islam “a bad name,“…………….I’m sorry that ship has sailed.
Report Post »BonnieBlueFlag
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 4:38pmYeah because you Dune Coons are just too sexy. Bunch of rapists and sadistic tormentors.
Report Post »smackdown33
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 4:49pmJingoism is alive and well.
Report Post »TH30PH1LUS
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 5:41pmNo Muslim women should watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lU137-d_AVQ
Report Post »ShadowmaSSofSC
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 6:02pmSWING HARD, don’t forget yogurt and bottles. XD
I don’t know about other women, but I eat bannas, when thery’re not cut, and buy them. Yet, I don’t have a fruit fetish. I think this guy is the one with his mind rolling in the gutter, if when he looks at fruit and consider women getting turn on by bannas.
Mock away.
Report Post »Baddoggy
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 6:14pmNo candles….or you will be in the dark.
Report Post »heartitorleaveit
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 10:11pmHow many Muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Report Post »None, they just sit in the dark for thousand of years blaming the Jews!
heartitorleaveit
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 10:12pmwoopsies, looks like Abdul needs to do all the sweeping now!
-Why would an Islamic cleric think of a bannana as a sexual object?
-How whould an Islamic cleric know what items “make a woman think of sex”?
what’s up with all those accidental explosions in Iran anyway?
The whole religion is cursed. :]
Ever since that towlehead named ‘Yusuf Ali’ http – .wikipedia.org/wiki/Abdullah_Yusuf_Ali added the word ‘Abraham’ to the quran translations to make it read: “We gave (Abraham) Isaac and Jacob, and ordained among his progeny Prophethood and Revelation.” these poor peole have been fooled into thinking they have proof that muhammad was a prophet of God.
Ill bet this really gets alot of turbins all bunched up in a wad that he would help decieve an entire religion like that!
You see,by adding Abraham, it is possible to include Muhammad in the prophetic line!(this however debunks the entire religion!)
OUCH!
But alas, ABRAHAM IS NOT FOUND in the Arabic text of the Qur’an which those wretched came/jockeys consider to be perfectly correct! woopsies!
Muhammad came from Ishmael!
Heirs to the Jewish throne came from Isaac!
The Torah states, “My covenant I will establish with Isaac,” (Genesis 17:21).
Later, God repeats the same message, “In Isaac your seed shall be called,” (Genesis 21:12)FACT!
They defend this abomination called the quran by quoting it!
Bananas are kinda phallic I guese but I dont think they are the antichris
Report Post »suffolkva
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 10:43pmObviously, it makes the CLERIC think of sex! How in God’s name did Islam become a religion with over a billion followers? Is the human race really that stupid?
Report Post »Joe Schmuck
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 10:54pmLets see if I have this right …
Yesterday I read about the legalization of sodomy and beastiality in the military.
Today I read about the banning of bananas, cukes, carrots, hairbrushes … whatever !??!?
Will the bananas and long stuff be legal in the military?
Report Post »BlazingPatriot
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 11:41pmDo not watch this video!
Report Post »http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhRS51sFiZY
Ruler4You
Posted on December 8, 2011 at 12:18pmWhat about peppers, string beans, okra, zucchini and crook neck (squash)? Is this the path to an all meat diet?
Report Post »Tri-ox
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:33pmIf these terrorist women were allowed to handle more phallic fruits and vegetables, perhaps they would spend less time blowing themselves (and everyone else) up.
Bananas not Bombs!
Report Post »biohazard23
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:38pmAnd bl0wing other things, too. Oh dear, did I think that out loud? Must have been that banana I had at lunch……
Report Post »copatriots
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:41pmAnd in your condition! 40 lashes for you! HAHAHAHA!
It’s no wonder why our Conservative men are HAPPY!!!!!!
Report Post »biohazard23
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:59pmAnd my guy is smiling all the time, too. :)
BTW, if I’m getting 40 lashes, pass me that cuke, too. Might as well make things worth my while!
Report Post »copatriots
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 2:05pmDang right he’s still happy! And they think Conservative women aren’t smart. We know what our men need and keep ‘em coming back for more. Cukes on da house today, Girl! My treat!
Report Post »biohazard23
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 2:10pmWhy, thank you very much! Too bad I gotta work this afternoon…..
Report Post »copatriots
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 2:21pmSorry for you! Not so for me ; )
Report Post »biohazard23
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 2:37pmLucky you. With my luck, baby would start moving around and completely ruin the mood. And he’s not even born yet!!
Report Post »dthomps6
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 2:39pmSo, does this Cleric think that men handling bananas turn them gay? Or is that cool to him. I have feeling most clerics are gay.
Report Post »biohazard23
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 2:55pmThe cleric should be concerned about that. I just wonder what he thinks of men handling livestock…..
Report Post »rose-ellen
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 4:44pmDidn’t God tell them only the religion of americanism is entitled to blow people up.[or zionism] But apparently according to this story other muslims themselves are mocking him .That’s progress.
Report Post »Cesium
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 5:33pmRose-Ellen just made absolutely 0 sense.
Report Post »lylejk
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:32pmBy the way, I can almost understand why they would ban this fruit from being handleed by Muslim woman. lol
http://www.themorningstarr.co.uk/2011/03/05/penis-passion-fruit/
Report Post »politicalcheese
Posted on December 8, 2011 at 3:33pmThis link is FUNNY!!!
Report Post »Uncurable wound
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:30pmIve been doing this dating thing all wrong.Forget the flowers,next time Im bringing Bananas…
Report Post »SCORE!
Dismayed Veteran
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:46pmSome advice from an older man. Let her drive the car and eat a banana at the same time. Never fails according to the Koran.
Report Post »copatriots
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:50pmI recommend flowers and bananas! ; )
Report Post »lylejk
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:29pmlolololol
Please stop making my day Blaze. This one’s just too much. lol
Maybe they would feel more comfortable handling peanuts in shell since that size is more familiar to them. ;)
:)
Report Post »ChiefGeorge
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:35pmSounds like he’s got some insecurity issues. These people never cease to amaze me, but on the other specktrum, we’ve got nuts here too making public policy with a wave of their silly hands. Kicking a boy out of school because he said to a friend the sub is cute.
Report Post »Peace2011
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:43pmMore like OUSTSIDE the shell :)
Report Post »capitalizmworks
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:28pmI’m getting turned on just reading this
Report Post »capitalismrocks
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:27pmNow he just needs to get the men to stop touching hand grenades because they look like male genitals and oh… also RPG’s, those are very phallic looking too…. don‘t the jihadi’s to start getting idea’s about becoming gay, oh what would moammud think! ;-)
Report Post »Elena2010
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:41pmWhat do you expect when their mosque’s minarets are phallic symbols to begin with?
Report Post »HuskerDave
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:27pmI’ll never look at a juicy roast beef sandwich the same way…
Report Post »Code Redd
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:26pmAfter reading this, it may also be considered cannibalism if they eat bananas.
Report Post »Snowleopard {gallery of cat folks}
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:21pmAnd this is part of what Obama wants to shove onto our nation?
Report Post »Jennifer_D
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 2:37pmI agree with you. We can make silly jokes about this ban, but this is really a religion we are supposed to tolerate? These people are evil and we will be laughing ourselves back into the dark ages if we don’t take a hard line against this ridiculousness. Now women can’t touch foods because perverted men are again forcing their vile thoughts onto them? Pfft!
Report Post »pamela kay
Posted on December 8, 2011 at 3:31amSNOWLEOPARD, Can you imagine how American women would react to any form of sharia law? The women here are very independent and are obsessed with womens rights. I agree to a certain extent but I truely believe the famly unit has suffered somewhat because of womens lib. Like everything else , it starts out for the right reasons but eventually is abused by some and taken to far.. There is an old saying about a woman scorned that comes to mind. It used to be in reference to a man cheating but today it is simply when a woman gets ticked off.
Report Post »bornagaincowgirl
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:19pmAre all Islam men perverts? Apparently that’s all they think about–rules (for everyone but themselves of course) and sex.
Report Post »capitalismrocks
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:29pmFunny you bring that up… notice everytime they do a raid on one of these islamic fundamentalists, who are supposed to be soooooooo devoted to the cause… they find more porno flicks and mags in these guys houses then in Larry Flints private library! Look at Saddam Heussian’s house, him and his sons had a porn collection that would’ve made Kim Il Jong jealous!
Report Post »MaxineH20Sux
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:46pmYep, unfortunatley. Thier “heaven” is like one big orgie. And what does the woman get out of their “heaven”? They get to be one of the 72 virgins pleasing one man, but according to Muhammad, most women go to hel and not their “heaven”. Gosh, I secretly feel bad for the women of Islam! They are too uneducated and dense to know their “religion” is a sham.
Report Post »dthomps6
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 2:43pm@MaxineH20Sux: They never say whether the virgins are males or females. I’m sure its 72 male computer dorks who play World of Warcraft 9 hours a day.
Report Post »jespasinthru
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 7:57pmThey don’t even say whether or not the virgins are human. Given Muslim mens’ penchant for livestock, they’d probably prefer 72 goats.
Report Post »gmoneytx
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:19pmSomeone should have kept Monica away from cigars too!
Report Post »AJAYW
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:19pmFeed them pork bellie
Report Post »tmkphx1962
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:18pmYou just have to love that muslim logic that they are so proud of.
Report Post »HorseCrazy
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:20pmexactly. I loved last weeks story about how driving turns women into prostitutes, those bananas and driving have turned us western women into maniacs!
Report Post »iblvingd
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:29pmExactly, now what is it that we western women think of immediately when we get into a car a drive to the supermarket? LOL HA AHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAH
Report Post »smackdown33
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:34pmEver ask yourself why there are so many of these ‘derogatory, non-story’ articles about Muslims? Reminds me of a guy named Hearst and his yellow journalism. Or, was it jingoism?
Report Post »copatriots
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 2:12pmHey SMACK,
Nope. But hey did you ever wonder why Islamic terrorists killed Americans on 9-1-1 and yet Libs in this country are supporting the Muslim Bros while continuing to allow illegal Muslims free entrance to the country via our southern border? Ever wonder why Islamic clerics provide us with so much material to justify our ridicule?
Report Post »smackdown33
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:18pmBill Clinton asks,”Are cigars on the list. There’s nothing like a good smoke afterwards.”
Report Post »gmoneytx
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:18pmThat’s funny, I guess we know now that the “cleric” has his mind in the gutter!
Report Post »Gonzo
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:17pmI have to agree, Publix needs some guys that bag all that erotic fruit and place it in the cart for the ladies…not to mention condiments, I mean a lady with a jar of mustard? Holy cow, how can a man contain himself? Don’t even get me started on dairy products…
Report Post »pandora
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:16pmLook carefully at this type of action. It will become part of American tradition in the future. If you are happy about it, make sure you cast your vote for Obama in 2012.
Report Post »Gonzo
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:30pmYou gotta be kidding, we can‘t even say no to gays in the Marines and you think we’ll have this?
Report Post »Smokey_Bojangles
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 4:17pmSo,No Gay marines can have bananas….Or Cheetos.
Report Post »VApatriot2
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:16pmThe evill that has permeated the earth knows no boundaries!
Report Post »UlyssesP
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:15pmThat’s the reason THEY SHOULD be handling them!
Report Post »copatriots
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:14pmROFL!!!!!!!
Oh…..these primitive pervs would deserve our pity and compassion if they just weren’t so dangerous.
Report Post »biohazard23
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:14pmHa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (cough) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!
My my, what an enlightened gentleman he is! He probably agrees with the Iranian cleric who stated that women’s mammary glands cause earthquakes!!
Report Post »copatriots
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:21pmHey Girl!!! Well, we at least, try to make the guy feel like the earth is moving! ; )
Report Post »biohazard23
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:26pmTrue that, my friend! This is just funny beyond words. How many liberals would actually support this guy’s views in the name of “diversity” and “tolerance”? ;)
Report Post »copatriots
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:32pmDang…..at least you can grow your own bananas and cukes where you live. I’m doomed when the libs remove them from the grocery store or I guess my honey is going to have to start grocery shopping! Wait a minute…….they are onto something here! Hehehehe!
Report Post »biohazard23
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:44pmTee hee!!!!
If they REALLY want to keep the gals from enjoying themselves, why don’t they also ban electric toothbrushes and razors, personal massagers, washing machine spin cycles, subwoofers, the vibration setting on cell phones, pagers……. I mean, really!
Not that I would know anything about that…
Report Post »copatriots
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:48pmSHHHHHH!!!! Stop giving them ideas! They will take away all the fun stuff! LOLOL
We have some hope though……I mean, what will lib women do for, um, stimulation since they clearly hate men?
Report Post »biohazard23
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:51pmWell, they DID just overturn the ban on bestiality in the military…..
Report Post »copatriots
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 2:20pmHAHAHAHA!
This has to be one of my all-time favorite threads! Thank you, Blaze!
Report Post »pavepaws
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 4:15pmThey’ve been known to help cause the earth to move.
Report Post »Paul -Indiana
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 7:54pmWell …. mindquakes anyway.
Report Post »SoCalConservative88
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:12pmHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
now THAT is funny!
Report Post »getourcountryback
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:18pmI second that. This is toooooooo funny. What a dingbat “religion”.
Report Post »randy
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:12pmGee, every time I see a Banana all I can think about is a Banana Split!
Report Post »kickagrandma
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:11pmThen the cleric and his buds have to keep their hands off the melons!
Report Post »blaaaaackwoman
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:18pmThat’s a good enough line for show business
Report Post »circleDwagons
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:20pmmaybe its the cleric that needs to be kepted away from bananas….
Report Post »momrules
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:28pmAh kickagrandma………..I love your sense of humor.
Report Post »iblvingd
Posted on December 7, 2011 at 1:35pmIt must be so painful for them to see fruits and veggies being sliced and diced!
Report Post »