Israeli Rabbi ‘Fixes Up’ Orthodox Jewish Gay Men With Orthodox Jewish Lesbians
- Posted on September 3, 2011 at 10:16pm by
Christopher Santarelli
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Rabbi Arele Harel offers an unconventional solution for Orthodox Jewish gay men who want to raise a conventional family: He fixes them up with Orthodox lesbians.
His matchmaking service, which has just gone online, has met criticism on opposing fronts. Orthodox Jewish rabbis say Harel should be doing more to encourage gays and lesbians to try to change their sexual orientation. Liberal religious gay groups see Harel’s approach as a ploy to suppress homosexuality.
The matchmaking presents an array of challenges. The relationship may be loveless. The partners may be tempted to seek sexual satisfaction outside the marriage. And the couple may need assistance to get pregnant. But Harel insists he just wants to help people have children, an important commandment of Jewish law.
“The main aspiration here is parenthood,” said Harel, 36, from his home in the Jewish West Bank settlement of Shilo. “It allows them to become parents in a way that is permitted by religious Jewish law and prevents a conflict between their religious world and their sexual world.”
Most rabbis encourage gays to suppress their attractions, abstain from gay sex or undergo therapy to try to go straight. Harel believes some gays can alter their sexual orientation through therapy, and insists many do. The American Psychological Association has declared no solid evidence exists that such change is likely.
Harel said his method is meant for those who can’t change, yet want to remain observant and have children.
Harel began matching lesbians and gay men six years ago, he said, because he recognized a “deep distress” among people “facing a dead end road.”
More recently, Kamoha, a religious gay group, began receiving inquiries from gay men and lesbian women about this approach. Kamoha linked up with Harel and last month began publicizing the initiative on its Web site.
Harel says he has wed 12 couples, and several have had children. More than 80 people expressed interest in the matchmaking service when it was publicized by word-of-mouth, and since it went online two weeks ago, Harel says he has received dozens of emails.
“Rabbi Harel introduced us and there was a good initial click,” wrote Sari and Avi, a couple Harel set up, in a testimonial on Kamoha’s site. “It’s not love. It’s chemistry, a sense of understanding and partnership, trust and appreciation.”
Harel was unable to persuade the couples he has already wed to speak to the media. But Kamoha referred The Associated Press to a man who has applied for Harel’s services, a 35-year-old Orthodox Jew in the closet.
He has had casual sex with men but desperately wants to raise a family. He said he has dated numerous straight women; none of the relationships led to marriage.
“It is a risky experiment but there is no other choice,” said the man, who refused to give his name because he is hiding his sexual identity.
He said he was willing to forgo love if it means being able to have children. He wants to try to refrain from seeing men when he is married but would discuss the issue with his wife if that changed, he said.
Harel said as long as both parties are aware the other is dating, it would not be adultery in such a union. He said the same would not be true for a straight couple because they are sexually compatible and have no reason to look elsewhere. Jewish law forbids adultery.
Harel contends that gay and lesbian partners learn to love each other once children arrive. “Their love is based on parenthood. Parenthood is the glue and it’s strong.”
Harel leaves it to the couple’s discretion whether to divulge their sexual identities to their children but he recommends they consult with a professional first.
Potential candidates email Harel, who meets with them to assess if they are emotionally ready to be fixed up. Harel then picks a suitable match and introduces the parties. They are put in touch with therapists who are to assist them in their new life. Once they are married, they each pay around $400 for Harel’s service.
Israel’s secular majority has largely embraced the Western gay rights movement that has led to six cities, among them New York, legalizing same-sex marriage.
There is no gay marriage in Israel primarily because there is no civil marriage and all weddings must be done through the Jewish rabbinate, which does not marry gays and considers homosexuality a sin and a violation of Jewish law.
Gay adoption is officially illegal but some couples get around the law and surrogacy is an option for many same-sex couples. The partner of a parent can adopt the child of his or her partner. There are campaigns to allow for civil marriage which could eventually pave the way for legalizing gay marriage but Israel is far from both.
Still, Tel Aviv is considered one of the most gay-friendly cities in the world, with annual pride parades filling streets and rocking into late hours.
Among Orthodox Jews, homosexuality generally is considered an abomination. Gay observant Jews may be ostracized by their families and many opt to hide their sexual orientation. Only the more liberal streams of Judaism embrace gay couples and even gay rabbis.
In recent years, a number of religious gay groups have emerged, joining pride parades and demanding to be accepted while not going so far as to ask for religious recognition for their relationships.
The liberal religious gay group Havruta opposes Harel’s approach, saying it seeks to “erase” homosexuals from the Orthodox community.
“They are saying, ‘Changing them isn’t possible, but how else can we hide their existence? If we can‘t fix them then let’s set them up with lesbians,’” said the group’s spokesman, Daniel Jonas.
Yonatan Gher, the head of the Jerusalem Open House, a gay community center and advocacy group, said he doesn’t judge the lifestyle choice Harel advocates, but hopes young religious homosexuals don’t feel pressured into choosing it.
Rabbis have criticized Harel‘s method because it doesn’t try to discourage gays and lesbians from seeking to change their sexual orientation.
“There is an alternative,” said Rabbi Shlomo Aviner, from the Jewish West Bank settlement of Beit El. “When people hear voices that say you won’t succeed (to change), they think, ‘Why bother trying?’”
The Associated Press contributed to this article.






















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Comments (85)
A. Merican
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 9:59am“Oy Gay”
Report Post »Lion420
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 9:14amIf it leads to adults being open, honest and safe…perhaps even happy…who could be against it?
Report Post »Talmid of Yeshua
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 7:29amIf you are observant, you aren’t gay, period. This rabbi is an idiot. Homosexuality is an abomination, punishable by stoning. When the third temple is built, and the sanhedrin is once again set up, there will be no reason not to stone homosexuals again, but only according to Torah, which means at least 2 to 3 witnesses must witness the homosexual act.
Report Post »BIGJAYINPA
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 8:10amOh yeah. Just what we need, someone calling for a return of stoning. Are you freaking NUTS?? What seperates you from those moronic followers of Islam?? Stoning??? Stoning??? Is this what we have to look forward too??? Please Dear God, Bring on the End Of Days, We no longer deserve to inhabit Your World…..Just sayin’
Report Post »YepImaConservative
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 8:10amI think just shunning them like lepers (because Jesus healed lepers) and shutting down all their parades would suffice. Stoning is soooo iIsamic.
Report Post »Pontiac
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 9:26amI‘m surprised in the internet has reached Talmid’s locale.
Report Post »KOCHLEFFEL
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 1:35pmYESHUA, thanks for your bobbe meyseh.
Report Post »thegreatcarnac
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 9:18pmStoning homosexuals would cut down on their numbers. After a few mass stonings…you couldn’t find one homosexual…..just a lot of effeminate guys trying to act macho.
Report Post »Greenwood
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 9:47pm@Talmid or Arkmid………..When the third temple is built
Report Post »What are they going to bring back animal sacrifices ? I don’t think it is likely
Don‘t you know that you are God’s temple? 1 Corinthians 3: 16
barryfadams
Posted on September 6, 2011 at 2:25amIt’s true. Stoning is a penalty advocated by Jewish law when the conditions are right. Although in general stoning was performed infrequently, there are at least two incidents of it in the Pentateuch. See Leviticus 24:23, Numbers 15:36. Not for homosexuality though.
Report Post »But the act of homosexuality does carry the death penalty of stoning where two witnesses have seen the actual act and the individuals have been warned about their action and its judicial consequences and they have shown that they understood the warning. However, as long as the Holy Temple is not rebuilt and the Supreme Court does not sit within its walls, no such judicial decisions can be made.
The Supreme Court left the Temple 40 years before its destruction because murder was becoming more widespread and their decisions for executing murderers were not having the deterrent effect. Thus, in our era, the Supreme Court might exit its Temple chambers in any case, as homosexuality is too widespread for a stoning decision to have enough deterrent effect.
Regarding Rabbi Harel’s actions, I think he is simply trying to bring some of our errant brothers and sisters back into the fold. His methods may be revolutionary, but I cannot see any tenets of Judaism being broken.
On the other hand, by declaring yourself a “talmid of Yeshua”, without using the name Jesus, shows you are trying to deceive the public and you are worshipping a false god. These are offenses under Jewish law, and carry the death penalty of stonin
KittyKatz
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 6:45amThis Rabbi got two different incomplete boxes of jigsaw puzzle pieces mixed up and is trying to make a picture out of it.
Report Post »kickagrandma
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 6:22am“Turn your eyes upon JESUS, look full in HIS wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace…”
JESUS, JESUS, JESUS, There’s just something about that name.
Master, Savior, JESUS, like the sunshine after the rain…”
Without HIM, there is nothing. With HIM there is everything.
Our ways are not HIS ways nor our thoughts HIS thoughts, obviously because of the unholy mess we have created on this earth going our way rather than HIS way.
The homosexual community is so spiritually wrong and twisted and their lives so abysmal that satan dances on their graves before they die. And the media gleefully promotes their separation rather than their healing.
We have been warned off of and away from homosexuality by a loving and gracious GOD WHO knows the heartbreak and separation from HIM that it will bring. HE loves us enough to say, “No. Don’t go here. Come to ME.”
For those who have ears to hear and eyes to see….others are lost both now and forever. It is a sad thing not to choose GOD and HIS way for it ends in eternal death,
Just think about it folks…. it means living for eternity with nancy, harry, the noman, moochie, george, and most of congress….. now, that thought is enough to make you want to think about knowing our GOD, isn’t it?
Sorry about making light of a most serious situation…
GOD BLESS AND PROTECT IN JESUS’ PRECIOUS NAME, amen.
Report Post »harley10
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 2:47pmAmen Brother.
Report Post »DallyWama
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 6:04amSuch a queer way to procreate.
Report Post »mossbrain
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 2:06amI’ve never heard of anything so freakishly bizarre and perverted. This guy is not religious he is a slimeball trying to scam people out of money. He worships money and that is all he worships.
Middle Finger
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 1:36am@SEON – You don’t have to be a Christian to know that homosexuality is a perversion. If all men and women were gay, that would end the human race. Until you find a way to fertilize a bowel movement, then your “alternative lifestyle” is perverse.
Report Post »BOMUSTGO
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 1:12amSEON must be the one once known as Liberal Athiest Critical Thinker. LACT has been missing from the Blaze for some time now.
Report Post »BOMUSTGO
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 1:01am@SEON. Prove it! You never have been filled with his Spirit, or seen visions, heard his voice,or had angelic visitations. I have. God is very real. No! I don’t, drink, or smoke dope, or eat mushrooms from my backyard.You are so blind.
Report Post »13thGenerationAmerican
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 2:56amPut down the drugs
Report Post »BOMUSTGO
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 3:35amDidn’t you read it? I do’t do drugs,
Report Post »Pontiac
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 9:30amInstead he does mushrooms from his “neighbors” backyard. They’re extra trippy.
Report Post »Rayblue
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 10:57amPearls before swine, Bo.
Report Post »TRONINTHEMORNING
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 12:59amYou folks who continue to say “God does not exist”, “imaginary friend” and all that sort of trite stuff…when you find out you’re wrong, the expression on your face will be priceless. Better reconsider before its too late.
Report Post »survivorseed
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 4:54amWe’re sayin the same thing about you my friend, only we have a much better probability of being right
Report Post »Rayblue
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 11:06am“Probability” being the working word.
Report Post »seon
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 12:50amOh great another homosexual article which will mean more deluded Christians will post their hateful comments. Hey Christians if you don‘t like homosexuality don’t practice homosexuality.
Report Post »BOMUSTGO
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 12:52amIt’s better for them to hear it from us while they are alive than to hear it from the Almighty in the hereafter!
Report Post »ANOTHER ISOLATED INCIDENT
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 1:04amIf you don‘t like drug addiction then don’t take drugs.
Report Post »Middle Finger
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 1:38am@SEON – You don’t have to be a Christian to know that homosexuality is a perversion. If all men and women were gay, that would end the human race. Until you find a way to fertilize a bowel movement, then your “alternative lifestyle” is perverse.
Report Post »SamIamTwo
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 10:52amwierdo.
Report Post »ZJD92
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 11:35amSeon, you can’t fix stupid and there is no use in trying. Let them believe what they want and when time comes God will punish them for their hate. What being mighty enough to be called God would hold prejudice over something so insignificant. To them the bible says it so it must be so. A book written by a crazies pushing their beliefs onto others claiming their word is divine. A book says something therefor it must be the truth! Jesus would be ashamed to see he gave his life for people who would harbor such hate towards his children. “God is love” I believe is the saying, not “God is hate”.
Report Post »hi
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 12:23pmZID92 We don’t hate homosexuals, we love them. We want everyone to have eternal life in heaven with us.
Just come to the Bible church and hear God’s Word. We don’t sit around condemning folks, but we are all about loving them.
Report Post »TH30PH1LUS
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 12:16amFrom the article: “Harel said as long as both parties are aware the other is dating, it would not be adultery in such a union.”
And here lies his flaw. They are wed. Bound by a covenant. Not to mention the prohibitions in Scripture related to sexual activities outside of marriage.
Report Post »Komponist-ZAH
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 2:50amYeah. How “Orthodox” is this Rabbi, exactly?
Report Post »zoro51
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 11:24pmGoya braugh messugenah!
Report Post »Wayner
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 11:40pmGod (Jehova) said that He does not change… He does not change to meet the demands of queers or liberals.
Report Post »texasfarmer
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 11:22pmOrthodox Jewish gay men who want to raise a conventional family: He fixes them up with Orthodox lesbians.
Report Post »This is hypocritical in so many ways.
Smokey_Bojangles
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 11:20pmHope he makes a fortune!Tho I do not see how it can work without blowing the“Born This way” myth.The guy will have to have a nude pic of Barney Frank covered in Baby oil,and a turkey baster.You cant stick a limp noodle into a dry ……Never mind.Yaw will figure it out.
Report Post »goodnessme
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 12:38amWhy is celibacy not considered as an option?
Report Post »Brown Wolf
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 11:18pmIndeed there is NO conclusive proof that there is a “gay gene”. However let us explore the theory and conclusions of a “gay gene”.
If such a gene existed, could it be passed on to another by blood transfusion? organ tranplant?
If such a gene existed, then the parents could decide to abort the fetus based on that fact?, another theological debate.
If this is true then one could extrapolate that the offspring of one who is gay would then have to be gay, which is again not true, or is the gene recessive?
All of this appears to me to be just an excuse for behavior.
I personally don’t care what ones sexual orientation is, AS LONG AS they don’t try to force me to accept it or pay for it or anything that costs me money or time etc.
Being libertarian has some advantages. Govt does not belong in one’s personal life.
Too bad gays don’t see that and constantly ask the govt for support, govt does not belong is this discussion, personal choice and most of all PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.
bw
Report Post »Myresponse2010
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 10:49pmFrom the Law of God.
” You shall not with mankind as you lie with womankind, it is an abomination unto the Lord.”
Report Post »seon
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 12:36amWell it‘s a good thing your God doesn’t exist and the Bible is a book of mythology. You are an abomination to intelligence.
Report Post »Nobar
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 10:48pmHis heart is in the right place but you can’t bring life to those dead inside simply by bringing opposites together.
Report Post »preppymom
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 10:45pmHaving a family is not like getting a puppy. Children are individuals who need a stable two parent family. Just because you want a baby doesn’t mean that you should have one. What this Rabbi is doing is a disaster for the children. Don’t you think that the kids can tell when there is something weird about how Mom and Dad relate?
Report Post »survivorseed
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 4:59amAbsolutely…hetro’s are never bad parents, just look at that dear old dad that tossed his son over the side of a boat….wonderful parents
Report Post »Walkabout
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 5:24pmOver time do you think that these men & women will remain gay & lesbian respectively?
I don’t. Not all of them.
Some of them will make great parents.
I have not read “Biological Exuberance” yet, but I did read a biologists blog on gay animals.
I think gay people says a lot about society. IMO the more gay people the worse the society that “produced” them. That was my take away from the blog.
Report Post »Tankertony
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 10:34pmI almost started laughing hysterically, but then realized I had one too many beers…
Report Post »Johnny916
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 10:34pmBeing Jewish I can understand Jewish leaders influencing Jewish people to marry Jewish. Judaism states a man and woman should marry and have children to continue producing Jewish people (Israel). Of course with today many Jews are not growing up believing in Judaism philosophy or marry a Jewish spouse. Which is making lose their Jewishness. I can respect other’s view on how they want to live their lives. But it is difficult trying to keep the Jewish intact and flouring.
Report Post »Greenwood
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 10:33pmRomans 9: 6 -8………..For they are not all Israel who are of Israel, nor are they all children because they are the seed of Abraham……………………. those who are the children of the flesh, these are not the children of God.
Report Post »ashestoashes
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 11:01pm@Greenwood…well written., just what I was thinking and just what I had read. I had a conversation with someone about that. a few days ago, God has made those for whom he will have mercy and those created for destruction. All is, because of the “grace” of God. He hardens whom he wills. It is a magnificent thing to understand that God has control over “every” thing. ..Honor faith and glory to our Father God and His Son Jesus/Yashua
Report Post »blue_sky
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 10:28pmI really do not care what sexual gratification style somebody chooses, but one question is on my mind.
- when we (some) offer gays a treatment, they patiently point out to us that being gay is genetic.
- when we (some) want to protect ourselves from unknown side-effects and ban gay donors from blood transfusion, they suddenly claim that being gay is behavioral.
As socialists and any other “collective” do, they like it both ways to suit their agenda. I admire plastic integrity.
Report Post »bioengineer
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 10:52pmThere is no “gay” gene. No genetic link has been found, period.
Report Post »blue_sky
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 11:11pmBioengineer, I think so. Though a lack of other gene(s) can cause a side effect. For example, African-Americans suffer more from 15% higher testosterone (on average, both males & females) than from hypothetical mental differences. The higher the hormone level the less concentration youth can have at school. Puberty age is shifted as well.
Report Post »UlyssesP
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 11:37pmAren’t gay jeans the ones with the but cheeks sticking out. Oh, what? Those are called chaps? Never mind.
Report Post »jb.kibs
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 2:29amgay is what you are attracted to…
Report Post »the simple fact is, if you are a man and are attracted to manly features, then you would most likely become “homosexual”… but… you COULD find a woman who looks like a man… you do have a choice. you can choose to create life and share something together… or just choose to explain to your child, who is only part of one of you, how they came to be and why it doesn’t flow with anything else in nature…
survivorseed
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 5:07amI never had to choose my sexual orientation. I know I’m attracted to females and always have been.
Report Post »Its funny all you people who think being gay is a choice, just because it is a choice for you, doesn’t mean it is for everybody. You’re all just in denial, if you were straight you would know what I’m talking about.
loriann12
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 8:06am@jb.kibs said:
the simple fact is, if you are a man and are attracted to manly features, then you would most likely become “homosexual”… but… you COULD find a woman who looks like a man…
Actually, that’s where I thought they were going with this article. People do marry their best friend of the opposite sex, because eventually the sex ends and you have to have someone you can talk to.
Report Post »piper60
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 10:25pmI agree with the orthodox jews to a certain degree. The sin of homosexuality is, well, sin. And God hates sin. He does NOT, however, hate the sinner.
Report Post »LibertarianForLife
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 10:35pmIronic how your imaginary friend dislikes all the same things that you do..
Report Post »Rayblue
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 11:04pmNow if he can get atheists to marry intelligent people
Report Post »that would be the pinnacle of opposites together.
Chuck Stein
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 11:14pm@ Rayblue
Report Post »Substitute the words “intellectually honest” for “intelligent” and I agree with you.
ashestoashes
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 11:19pm@LIBERTARIANFORLIFE …. It’s actually the other way around. You might know that if you were to read the Bible. It is the Living Word. Jesus/Yashua is called the Living Word of God., for He was with God from the foundations of the world creating, everything was created by Him, through Him and for Him and without Him nothing was created. This is the game of life. Jesus/Yeshua said “I did not come to judge the world, but to save it. But my Word judges you.” So in other words, how you live your life in accordance with his Word is how one will be judged. He gave us free will. It is up to us. If one doesn’t believe at all..it is my understanding that one will have a home waiting for then immediately upon their death. The accomodations will be less than desirable. But there will be a judgment for many. The road to hell will be the widest road traveled and the road to heaven the narrowest. Whatever happens..I choose God the Father and Jesus/Yashua the sinless Son of God, who died for all of our sins and rose the third day. He is the star of the universe. It is all about Him. I hope that you come to know Him. If you ever want to, just ask Him to come into your heart, and to live in you. Read His Word, and get with other believers, ones who adhere strictly to learning and teaching from the Bible. The New Testament from the NKJ is the best to start with. It will open your understanding . I hope you come to know Him. He will send you His comforter.
Report Post »Rayblue
Posted on September 3, 2011 at 11:37pmChuck Stein….If I substitute the term “atheist” with “intellectually dishonest”, I’ll agree with you.
Report Post »seon
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 12:37amOrthodox Jews are about as deluded as Christians. There is no sin because God doesn’t exist.
Report Post »Rayblue
Posted on September 4, 2011 at 12:51amThere’s a reason Revelations states; “Let him that has understanding”.
Report Post »And in the Hindu scriptures; “Intelligence is necessary for understanding”.
Not that intelligence excludes inspiration, but for understanding certain concepts, a measure of intelligence is necessary. Which atheists categorically challenge with no more an arsenal than derision.