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‘It Makes Me Sick’: Columbine Survivor Reflects on Forgiveness & Offers His Thoughts on the Colo. Shooting

Evan Todd Describes His Experience Surviving the Columbine Shooting

Columbine survivor Evan Todd

Often times, national tragedies have a way of making us pause and reflect. They serve as brutal reminders that life can be short, unpredictable and, most evidently, painful. The tragic shooting in Aurora, Colorado, is only the latest in a string of now-infamous events that will forever change the lives of those involved. For Evan Todd, a survivor of the Columbine massacre, the nation’s newest horror pains his heart, as he sees others going through the same suffering he faced years ago. And he’s sharing his thoughts with TheBlaze.

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Due to the location of the Aurora movie theater rampage — just miles away from Littleton, the city where the Columbine shootings took place on April 20, 1999 — this latest shooting is being compared to the former massacre. Although it’s been more than 13 years since the killings that left 15 dead (12 students, one teacher and the two perpetrators), many media outlets and community members are looking to the students who survived Columbine to better understand how to cope with the Aurora tragedy.

Considering the insight that these teenagers were forced to gain in the years following the event, it’s understandable why their perspective would be sought out. Todd, a former Columbine student, was shot, but survived the horrific and life-altering attack at the school.

 

Columbine

In his interview with TheBlaze, he began by describing the scene that morning. Todd heard gunshots outside of the library prior to the murderers (Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris) inevitably entered the room, weapons in hand. It took only moments for their carnage to continue inside of it.

“It was total chaos for a few minutes until we started hearing the gun shots getting close in the hallway,” he said. “And I was behind the pillar when one of the shooters saw me [in the library] and fired a shotgun in my direction.

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While he was able to escape the bullets, Todd was immediately hit with shrapnel on the left side of his face and on his back. But the horror didn’t end there, as they began to kill their classmates execution style, again confronting Todd directly.

Evan Todd Describes His Experience Surviving the Columbine Shooting

“After a few minutes of them being in the library, I was hiding in a librarian’s desk and at gun point they asked me why I should live,” Todd explains, with somber remembrance coloring his voice. “And I told them that I didn’t have a problem with them and that I had been good to them and everyone at the school — and they knew it.”

At the time, Todd recalls sitting on the ground with his knees pulled up to his chest. At any moment, he feared that the shooters would take his life.

“I was thinking this is it — this is how my life is going to end. I was praying and I was asking God to live. It was so surreal — an out-of-body experience,” he added.

Remarkably, Todd’s appeal was effective. The murderers, for whatever reason, decided to spare his life.

 

Forgiveness

Years later, he still reflects on the horrific event that has forever changed his life. Among other lessons, he’s learned the power of forgiveness.

Todd admits that forgiving the killers was difficult and that he found himself looking to the Bible for lessons and advice regarding how to handle it. In the end, he was able to forgive them for the actions they took against him. Still, the process has been challenging.

“That’s a hard thing to do — to overcome a lot of hatred and anger toward them,” he admitted.

While there are obviously so many painful memories and difficulties that resulted in the years following the massacre, Todd did say that the event taught him to better cherish relationships in his life. Additionally, it impacted his views on the importance and the value of human life.

“One thing I have realized is that I look at every single person’s life as something that’s precious,” Todd said. “You understand people are out there and living a life. They have friends and family and loved ones.”

Evan Todd Describes His Experience Surviving the Columbine Shooting

In this April 20, 1999, file photo unidentified young women head to a library near Columbine High School where students and faculty members were evacuated after two gunmen went on a shooting rampage in the school in Littleton, Colorado.

He went on to say that he’s not sure he would have the ability to comprehend just how beautiful life is had he not witnessed such “profound death and destruction.” He encouraged parents to emphasize to their children the value of human life — and that it is a precious gift from God.

“Life isn’t something that can be thrown around and destroyed,” he said.

 

“It makes me sick”

As for the most recent tragedy in Aurora, Todd has a myriad of emotions. Upon first seeing it on television, he said he felt sick to his stomach. This instant reaction unfolds for a variety of reasons. First, it brings back his memories of people being shot years ago. But, secondly, the empathy he feels for the victims of Aurora and other tragedies drives his instant lamentations.

“I know what those people are going through at that moment,” he explains. “And it makes me sick to think that another person is going through what I went through. It’s so disheartening.”

Having years to reflect upon what happened to him, Todd believes that it’s possible to prevent shootings like what unfolded at Columbine and in the Aurora movie theater. While he believes each event is unique and different, there are some common themes and individual actions that could make an impact for good.

“If we focused on respecting life as sacred, we will see some of this dissipate,” he said, adding, “I do think a lot of these events could be avoided if people showed more charity and love towards other people, because they would realize that somebody out there would do random kindness [and] respect their lives enough to care. It’s basically leadership through example.”

Loving, respecting and showing a caring heart for those around us is the message that Todd believes could help to heal and prevent further pain. In his own life, it is healing that has come after years of peaceful and thoughtful reflection and consideration.

Editor’s Note: The author of this article regularly works on speaking tours and educational projects with Evan Todd.

Comments (39)

  • Q
    Posted on July 26, 2012 at 1:32pm

    PLEASE! TAKE DOWN THE PICTURE OF THE COLUMBINE SHOOTERS!!!

    - A Columbine area mother

    Report Post »  
    • FatFreedom
      Posted on July 26, 2012 at 10:33pm

      Don’t look at this article, if it brings you sorrow. Pretending that it never happened, or trying to stop others from talking about it won’t change a thing.

      On the other hand, if there is a conspiracy in the Columbine case, and one does not want anybody to discover any additional facts or review a botched investigation one would write a comment like you just did, to appeal to the emotion of people to keep silent.

      Report Post »  
  • Meyvn
    Posted on July 26, 2012 at 9:33am

    Great advice from Mr. Todd and his witness. However, in order to teach children that life is a gift from God, the parents as well as the children must have a belief in God. If they don‘t it’s really difficult to be successful with such advice, although such an effort should be undertaken regardless.

    Report Post » Meyvn  
  • Beachbaby
    Posted on July 26, 2012 at 8:45am

    Just think of all the lives he could have saved if he had his gun.

    Report Post »  
  • right-wing-waco
    Posted on July 25, 2012 at 4:28pm

    Forgiveness? I suggest that we forgive him after he is hanged for his terrible crime.

    Report Post »  
    • KenInIL
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 9:14pm

      Todd is right about the fact that there should be more caring in our society. Unfortunately if we had it done in schools they would call it religion. But exposing people to prayer and religion as a part of their daily life is good — whether it is a moment of silence or prayer at school or the 10 commandments in a town square. We need to bring God more into our daily lives.

      Report Post »  
    • FatFreedom
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 11:16pm

      Additional shooter at Columbine?

      I just stumbled on this now, but have not looked into it. Has any of you? If so what do you think?

      http://www.davidicke.com/forum/showthread.php?t=132755

      Report Post »  
    • strewth_cobber
      Posted on July 26, 2012 at 2:43am

      Be weary of those who use the words ‘I am the son of god’, “[no evil] but imbalance“ and ”it’s part of the evolutionary process” in the same discussion. Icke is very clever at combining a microscopic grain of truth with a tonne of lies and convincing those who are willing to be fooled. Also, he is just rehashing (false) ideas that have been around for a long time and presenting them as [trivial and mostly false] discoveries and information as new and recent discoveries. Demonic.

      As for the Columbine incident.. there are many allegations of third person or others involved. How does one verify?

      I don’t necessarily agree with everything this person states, but check out David McGowan (Centre for an Informed America or Inside the LC). Again, how does one verify all the claims?

      And, trust in no man, but God.

      Report Post »  
    • FatFreedom
      Posted on July 26, 2012 at 10:27pm

      @Strew…
      Thanks, and point well taken. I will check out David…

      Report Post »  
  • Tickdog
    Posted on July 25, 2012 at 4:03pm

    I am not into the “forgiveness” thing… you create a crime, then there should be consequences.. and i dont mean a slap on the hand.

    Report Post » Tickdog  
    • julie w
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 5:05pm

      Forgiveness doesn’t mean letting the person off and handing down no punishment. You can forgive a person at the same time they justifiably pay for their crimes….like handing down the death penalty to this guy.

      Report Post »  
    • I am 'We the People
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 5:39pm

      Forgiveness does not mean lack of consequences for the perp., it is more for the victims than the assailant. You can forgive the criminal while handing him his sentence of death, because the consequence of murder like this is death. The act of forgiveness, doesn’t have to be immediate, is an action within your own mind to release pent up anger and hatred that could harm you or others in the long run.

      NOTE: I didn’t say forget.

      Report Post » I am 'We the People  
    • Concerned1
      Posted on July 26, 2012 at 6:50am

      Right. Forgiveness AND atonement are both required. Forgiveness is the work of the person who was wronged. Atonement is for the person who did the wrong. Society and individuals are better when there is both.

      Report Post »  
    • Meyvn
      Posted on July 26, 2012 at 9:26am

      There is a big difference between, punishment/retribution, justice and forgiveness. They can all co-exist and/or not co-exist.

      Report Post » Meyvn  
  • SeekerEmerald
    Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:58pm

    The bible teaches us to forgive those who do harm to us IF THEY ASK SINCERELY FOR IT. Nowhere does the bible say we are to forgive everyone even if they don’t ask for it. Even God doesn’t forgive those who don;t ask for it. God forgives ANYONE who asks for it, but where does he say that you don’t need to ask? Nowhere. Where does he say that we are to forgive those who DON’T ask us? Nowhere.

    Do we propose to be more forgiving than God? We don’t even require people to ask for it?

    Another thing… I have no right to forgive Jack for ripping off my sister Mary’s bank account. Mary may choose to forgive him, but it’s got nothing to do with me. How dare we propose to forgive the shooters for crimes that were not against us?

    Let’s say me and my GF were in the theater. Both of us were shot, but survived. I can certainly forgive the shooters for shooting me if I choose, but I have no right to speak for my GF.

    I fully expect to get flamed for this, but a few smart/brave/thinking people will see what I am talking about, and understand that this certainly seems to be what is written in the bible.

    If I cause some people to think, then at least I have achieved something…

    I am NOT suggesting that we withhold forgiveness from anyone who asks. That’s not my intention, and that wouldn’t be my place to suggest such a thing even if I thought it.

    Report Post » SeekerEmerald  
    • Gorillabeatz
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 4:18pm

      You’re kidding me right?

      “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighborh and hate your enemy.’ 44But I tell you: Love your enemiesi and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
      Matthew 5

      Report Post »  
    • Randyco02
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 4:37pm

      Also Jesus forgave those that killed him even though they didn’t ask for forgiveness

      Report Post »  
  • Blacktooth
    Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:54pm

    Forgiveness.

    Forgiveness is earned through sincere repentance.
    Forgiveness is not, and should not, be given away as if the guilty one deserves it. It must be earned,

    If a person forgives a murderer without repentance being demonstrated, then the forgiver is the weak one because he cannot demand justice, which itself demands strength.

    Report Post » Blacktooth  
  • Back To Reality
    Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:52pm

    Doesn’t matter if he is coded as “mentally ill.” By virtue of his secrecy in planning, and his immediate surrender to the police, he knew the difference between right and wrong, and he knew what he was doing was wrong.

    Therefore the ‘insanity’ claim should be irrelevant. He’ll be no more insane than myself when I offer to start the IV and inject the drugs.

    Report Post » Back To Reality  
    • Randyco02
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 4:39pm

      you are right he probably doesn’t fit the elements for the defense of not guilty by reason of insanity

      Report Post »  
  • Snowleopard {gallery of cat folks}
    Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:39pm

    We can learn to forgive, as the good Lord called on us to do in the Bible; yet that does not mean we forget the lessons thus learned. In the case of the Aurora shooter, if the man is truly insane, then he needs to be deemed such and committed to a facility for the criminally insane until such time as he, if ever, regains full mental faculties and can stand trial for his crimes.

    Understand clearly, the act of forgiveness in this matter is of benefit to the victims and their families, as it helps close the door on the pain, suffering and loss that has been inflicted upon them. The one who did the shootings still needs to be held to account for his deeds, either put in a mental ward for the rest of his days, or if found legally competent to stand trial, then facing the justice of the courts.

    A great evil has been perpetuated in Aurora, Colorado, and now we need to focus on helping those we can help. The part of forgiveness though, is up to each one of them; and it is their choice alone.

    Report Post » Snowleopard {gallery of cat folks}  
  • tweetybird
    Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:38pm

    Evan Todd is a remarkable person. Having to be around and witness such destruction of human life and be able to forgive. Forgiveness and love are the two hardest things to give to another person, especially if they have hurt you. It is so much easier to hate and hold a grudge. Evan Todd is blessed.

    Report Post » tweetybird  
  • garbagecanlogic
    Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:29pm

    I won’t forgvie ANYONE who either shoots me or a loved one. I will only GET EVEN! If you are the forgiving type, then you did not take much stock in either your worth – or a loved one’s worth.

    Praise Be To Obama. Psalm 109:8

    The U.S. Out Of The U.N.
    The U.N. Out Of The U.S.

    Report Post »  
  • Mikev5
    Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:13pm

    Anyone that would execute people that are innocent and just minding their own business is either criminally insane is a monster either way they should be put to death or locked up all there life. These people are cowards also if you are having problems emotionally like bullying in school confront the aggressor and stand up for yourself that’s life we all get bullied at some time in life you learn to deal with it bullying will never stop its part of growing up and life. I never let anyone bully me if they tried they got hurt by flying fists of fury that usually stops it.

    Report Post » Mikev5  
    • AvengerK
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:19pm

      lack of empathy or sociopathy isn’t insanity. If that was the case Rahm Emanuel should be in prison right now for the murder rate he allows to escalate in Chicago.

      Report Post »  
  • AvengerK
    Posted on July 25, 2012 at 2:54pm

    As detestable as Holmes’ crime was.. if he‘s truly mentally ill then it’s inhumane to put him to death. Don’t get me wrong..if he’s found competent and can be tried under penalty of death..he should be as the law provides. But if he’s genuinely insane he should be institutionalized for the rest of his days. His act of inhumanity should not be countered with another act of inhumanity.

    Report Post »  
    • historyguy48
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:07pm

      Comrade I have one question: Why should he be housed for the rest of his life by the taxpayer in a warehouse known as a prison?

      Report Post » historyguy48  
    • AvengerK
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:18pm

      Well actually HISTORYGUY…I never said prison did I champ? I said an institution. Perhaps I should dumb it down for you..“mental institution”. If Holmes is genuinely mentally ill and not of his full faculties he should be institutionalized for the rest of his days.
      If however..as I made clear..but you missed…he’s found competent..then if the law allows the capital punishment..he should be tried under it.
      Can I make that clearer for you tovarich?

      Report Post »  
    • RightUnite
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:19pm

      Ah, he’s not mentally insane. If he was sane enough to rig up his whole apartment with booby traps, he’s sane enough to be put to death. That acting game in the courtroom?? That’s exactly what it was. An act. Don’t fall for it.

      Report Post »  
    • RightUnite
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:21pm

      @AVENGERK…. DUDE… Step away from the crackpipe and get the F off your high horse idiot.

      Report Post »  
    • Mikev5
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:22pm

      I agree with AvengerK we cant just go executing people that are nuts in the head even though they cost us tax payers money what sucks is we may have been able to help him at one point.

      Report Post » Mikev5  
    • AvengerK
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:29pm

      Well I‘m glad you’ve had an opportunity to professionally examine Holmes RIGHTUNITE and offered your “learned” opinion of his mental state. Perhaps you can also get off YOUR high horse at this point after having offered your sage assessment of Holmes’ mental health?

      Report Post »  
    • garbagecanlogic
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:33pm

      Why are we even conversing about his sanity? He has already dictated that he is sane, just a little warped on his beliefs. So get off the insanity bit and grow up enough to cease and desist on giving this fool some credibility.

      Praise Be To Obama. Psalm 109:8

      The U.S. Out Of The U.N.
      The U.N. Out Of The U.S.

      Report Post »  
    • AvengerK
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:34pm

      RIGHTUNITE..Holmes studied neuroscience..it could well be some kind of an elaborate act. But I’d like a professional to examine him rather than leave that assessment to you.

      Report Post »  
    • FoxholeAtheist
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:43pm

      Funny how all these people on the Blaze want him dead regardless of his mental condition yet go on to talk about not only compassion, but also their detest of “Commies”. Yet, to execute him because he is insane would be the most “Commie-like” thing to do. Right, Comrade Historyguy? Nazis did it, and China does it. Keep talking about the Constitution, yet condemn someone who is too far gone to understand why he is being sentenced is about the most un-Constitutional and un-American thing that you could do. Finally, we give trials to people, not just hand them over to the angry mobs waiting with a noose outside the door. We show that we are more than what the guilty is made of. We offer the condemned a last meal despite the victim never having that luxury because we are civilized people in a civilized country, even if James Holmes is not. If we as a society decide he should be put down, then we do it humanely; something that also sets us apart from the killer. Unfortunately, it has come to light that many people who were on death row are truly innocent, which makes me wonder about the death penalty altogether. Obviously it isn’t working as a deterrent to crime. I think it is a dated and antiquated form of punishment. If they find that Holmes is guilty, it must be beyond a shadow of a doubt, or else justice will fail. They must be absolutely certain he was and is in his right mind. Can they really be that sure?

      Report Post » FoxholeAtheist  
    • guz75
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:45pm

      I don‘t know what this guy’s story is, but I can tell you from first hand experience insanity doesn’t automatically make you incapable.

      I suffer with bipolar disorder and prior to getting my medication sorted I‘d have manic episodes where I’d become completely delusional, but would remain quite capable.

      I was working with a band producing their album and I flipped out towards the end of the job and thought I was the descendant of an unknown classical musician and it was my job to make his name known, by channelling his music onto the album I was working on. I was found in the studio 3 days later having not slept and had used sampled sounds to build entire orchestral parts for half of the songs on the album. They actually weren’t bad, although funnily enough the band decided not to use them.

      So being delusional or paranoid doesn’t stop you from being capable of doing very complex things. Like I say I don‘t know what this guy’s issue is, but insanity would hardly make him unable to do all the things he did.

      Report Post »  
    • FoxholeAtheist
      Posted on July 25, 2012 at 3:49pm

      When I talk about putting someone down humanely, I mean as humanely as possible. There is nothing humane about taking another life regardless of who that person is.

      Report Post » FoxholeAtheist  
    • jhrusky
      Posted on July 26, 2012 at 1:49pm

      Totally agree, @avengerk

      @ foxholeatheist is on the money as well … there’s little compassion here at The Blaze. (now, before anyone takes that as something against Glenn Beck, no, he isn‘t the one posting here so that’s not what I’m stating).

      And, @ historyguy …
      “Comrade I have one question: Why should he be housed for the rest of his life by the taxpayer in a warehouse known as a prison?”

      If he’s insane, (and that’s a BIG IF right now), how can we justify putting him to death? Just because someone has no use to society, does that give us a moral right or obligation to eliminate them? That‘s a very nasty slippery slope you’re going down if that is your intent.

      Report Post » jhrusky  

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