Pastor Wants Flock to Dump Facebook Over Marital Concerns
- Posted on November 17, 2010 at 5:53pm by
Jonathon M. Seidl
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NEPTUNE, N.J. (AP) — Thou shalt not commit adultery. And thou also shalt not use Facebook.
That’s the edict from a New Jersey pastor who feels the two often go together.
The Rev. Cedric Miller said 20 couples among the 1,100 members of his Living Word Christian Fellowship Church have run into marital trouble over the last six months after a spouse connected with an ex-flame over Facebook.
Because of the problems, he is ordering about 50 married church officials to delete their accounts with the social networking site or resign from their leadership positions. He had previously asked married congregants to share their login information with their spouses and now plans to suggest that they give up Facebook altogether.
“I’ve been in extended counseling with couples with marital problems because of Facebook for the last year and a half,” he said. “What happens is someone from yesterday surfaces, it leads to conversations and there have been physical meet-ups. The temptation is just too great.”
Miller is married and has a Facebook account that he uses to keep in touch with six children, but he will heed his own advice and cancel his account this weekend.
On Sunday, he plans to “strongly suggest” that all married people to stop using Facebook, lest they endanger their marriage.
“The advice will go to the entire church,” he said. “They‘ll hear what I’m asking of my church leadership. I won’t mandate it for the entire congregation, but I hope people will follow my advice.”
Miller said he has spoken from the pulpit before about the dangers of Facebook, asking married couples to give each other their passwords to the site.
“Some did. Others got scared and deleted their accounts right away. And some felt it was none of my business and continued on,” he said.
Miller said he has gotten a mostly positive response so far among the leaders subject to his edict, which was first reported by the Asbury Park Press.
Pat Dawson, a minister at the church, uses her Facebook account to see photos of her relatives. She is unmarried and therefore not required to delete her account, but she agrees with Miller about the dangers such sites can create.
“I know he feels very strongly about this,” she said. “It can be a useful tool, but it also can cause great problems in a relationship. If your spouse won’t give you his or her password, you’ve got a problem.”
The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says 81 percent of its members have used or been faced with evidence plucked from Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking sites in divorce cases over the last five years.
About one in five adults uses Facebook for flirting, according to a 2008 report by the Pew Internet and American Life Project. And a do-it-yourself divorce site in the United Kingdom, Divorce-Online, reported late last year that the word “Facebook” was appearing in about one in five of the petitions it was handling.
Miller says there are legitimate uses for Facebook, which is why he started an account a few years ago.
“People use it as an opportunity to invite others to social gatherings, to share Scripture or talk about what went on at church,” he said. “Those are all positive, worthwhile things. But the downside is just too great.”
Facebook did not immediately respond to a before-hours interview request left at its California offices.
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Comments (54)
jagr1850
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 11:35pmtime for a full ivestigation on the pastor…….wonder what he is doing with the collection basket of money…..bet he has lots of tricks up his sleeve…wtf !!
Report Post »efialtis
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 11:14pmI can completely understand where this guy is coming from. Facebook is a temptation that SHOULD be avoided, if you find yourself being lead down a destructive path.
Report Post »True, he shouldn’t FORCE his flock to dump Facebook, but he should warn them about the dangers and about the serious consequences that can happen as a “side-effect” of Facebookitis.
Tony Nagy
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 10:57pmI’ve dumped many people from my friends list on Facebook, even people from my Church, simply for being too judgemental on me, because I saw they did’nt share my Christian Values and Beliefs. They condemed me, rather than helped me, so I booted them. I’m not perfect, but I pretty sure I have a really good heart. I try and help more so than condem. I have less than 50 Friends, most of whom I know and they know me. Some I’ve never met, but I like to think I can in my personallity ‘Shine On Them’… you know, the ‘Mustard Seed’ idea. I also have friends whom are married and they are a ‘United profile’. For the single people on Facebook, be your ‘True’ self, you don‘t need 200 friends you don’t know and could possibly hurt you. If I had a significant other, I would want her to trust me, as I would trust her completely to make friends with whomever she wished, knowing she is smart enough to make the ‘Right’ choices!!!…. If I fall, lift me up, show me Love and that my friends will make me even stronger together in my ‘Walk’…. You MUST show your TRUST, not your Condemnation and Judgemental attitude. WWJD?
Report Post »Everett Bennett Jr
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 10:24pmApparently, people need to know when to move on and let the old flames die.
Report Post »Derfel Cadarn
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 10:06pmI think the better answer would be to dump the preacher.
Report Post »BlackCrow
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 9:42pmIt is people like this who the MSM and the progressive left hold up as shinning examples of conservatism. This paints all of us with the broad brush of medieval idiocy. Pastor, do us a favor and shut up!
Report Post »hikinggussie
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 9:34pmwhen a pastor starts telling people what they can and cannot do, he is not a pastor. he is a dictator. and that is a cult!!!! something I do NOT want to be a part of! (and I have spent about 30 years being a minister’s wife.) I suggest those people leave that church. The pastor is off his rocker.
Report Post »Capitalist Mama
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 9:22pmHow do you flirt via facebook? Inquiring minds, etc…. Must be getting old ’cause I just don‘t see the sexy happenin’.
Report Post »afroggy
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 8:57pmThe minister is displaying of poverty of common sense, technical knowledge, and an understanding of human nature. He’s only addressing a single item (Facebook), amongst a plethora of technologies that can do exactly the same thing. Phones, mail, email, lunch, workplace relations are a small subset of the total avenues to unfaithfulness. It may make the preacher feel like he’s doing something useful, but mostly he’s boresighting on one cow in the herd. If a guy or gal wants to mess around, the absence of Facebook is not going to stop it. He’s not terribly bright on this matter, but not all of clergy is of equal mentality.
Better he should start doing the job of changing the hearts of his parishoners, than forbidding one avenue to infidelity.
Report Post »Bronco II
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 8:53pmWell here is my take.If your well grounded in you relationship with GOD then you shouldn’t have any problem being on Facebook or other sites.I have a page there and I don‘t go looking for trouble I post stories I let people know from the start I’am a christian and I test the fruit.Most of my friends are family members or people of faith and we talk about GOD alot or our Wonderfull men and women of our Military and if someone says something vile I either ignore or will let them know I will pray for them because they are hurting and taking it out on others.But I also let them know just because I‘m a Christian I’m not a door mat or a second class citizen.I don‘t shy away from my values or principles and issues I strongly believe in but I’ll listen to others that have an opposing opinion as long as it is with respect and no name calling and we can agree to disagree like adutls so can’t play the blame game Pastor sorry not buying it but I will pray for your members that are having difficulty with their marriage and they have to decide what to do not you or other people that is between them and GOD.
Report Post »mrmrsdaadams
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 8:10pmI’m surprised that the majority of you are not getting what he is trying to promote here. First of all, he just wants marriages to last and in that alone, I am on his side. Second, he is not forcing anyone to do anything, other than, “ordering about 50 married church officials to delete their accounts with the social networking site or resign from their leadership positions.” He isn‘t telling them to get lost if they don’t delete their accounts. He is holding them to a higher standard, which is what is asked of anyone in a leadership position. As for the rest of his congregation, he is strongly suggesting that they delete their accounts. Once again, he is not telling them that they have to do anything! This doesn’t sound like a dictator or abusive leader in any way. He is looking after his flock. There are to many “leaders” in our lives today that want to sugar coat things for us in fear of offending us instead of telling us how it is so that we can be better prepared in our lives.
Report Post »txblaze
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 9:52pmI do understand what he is trying to promote and like that he is trying to save marriages. I just think he is going about it the wrong way. He’s taking one thing, facebook, and making that the enemy. Where will he draw the line? Will his higher standard include banning other things like twitter, what about the internet all together, then there’s the iphone which can access the internet. How is he going to handle someone (married) who comes to him and says they are attracted to someone at work – tell them to quit? The root problem is a sin problem not a technology problem. Maybe the congregation needs to hear more about how to deal with temptation.
Report Post »SaintMichael
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 8:02pmWTH, I’m young, single, tall, in shape, have a doctorate degree, run my own business, and I have never gotten laid from facebook.
I want a refund.
Report Post »im4ia
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 7:57pmWhat they need is more God. Not less Facebook.
Report Post »dontbotherme
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 7:08pmI have a facebook account. It can be dangerous if you do not put security in action (& lately nothing is secure). He would not be a man of God if he saw a problem that is leading people to sin & ignored it. If someone is going to sin though, they’ll find another outlet.
Report Post »trolltrainer
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 6:58pmI suppose it depends on the structure of the church whether the pastor CAN order this, but that is beside the point…There are always other churches.
Our youth pastor has created a private facebook group for our church. And yeah…It probably is not as private as everyone believes, but that is not the point. Nothing sensitive is discussed, just verse of the day and parents write inspirational messages and have group prayer. That kind of thing.
I do not touch facebook myself. I simply find it banal to say the least. My wife does use it and some of the things she posts bothers me. Like posting when we are in Tampa. I try to tell her that anyone who is an associate of a friend of hers can see this and knowing we are gone for a week can rob us blind at their convenience. I am also not happy that she sometimes gets too personal as women tend to do…But…She is a grown woman and I also see great value with facebook too. It is a good place to minister to and support others, and to keep up with friends and family. In the end she views my forums and news sites like this one much the same as I view her facebook and online flash games…Each to their own…
As far as this story goes, the pastor is putting the cart before the horse. If people are going to cheat or otherwise sin then facebook is merely an excuse. As a pastor he should put more faith in the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit. You can have concern for your flock, but you cannot dictate actions. Being in ministry myself (not a pastor) the best thing we can do is lead and pray…
Report Post »dkhartman
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 6:54pmI agree that facebook reveals problems in a marriage.. Like if a man is going to hook up with an old flame, yes it’s a problem. Yes facebook was the method used to help find that person. But the real question is, why is your husband willing to hook up with a old flame? No matter the source or method he used to find her… (I‘m a female which is why I’m using husband/he but this obviously goes either way). I can see why they’d say facebook is to blame because without fb, myspace, twitter etc, it‘d be less likely that we’d come in contact with these people very much.. But of course you have to ask why your husband would add an old gf that he could possibly have feelings for again?? So while facebook is the means of communication causing break-ups, it’s truly THAT person who is responsible for his/her actions… Heck if I found out my spouse was cheating on me through FB, I’d be THANKING facebook.. Just think, back in the day TONS of infidelity was going on but probably not caught as much.. Anyways just my two sense..
Report Post »I don’t think this pastor is wrong for SUGGESTING, he didn’t FORCE his congregation to delete their accounts. You can take or leave advice like that!
Sledgehammer
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 6:52pmOn this, I’m mixed. I understand from where the Pastor is coming from, but there is a bigger problem for us as a people, if we are at the point where a casual contact, (which could happen anywhere) is enough to cause us to cheat on our spouse! Maybe we just don’t think things through, I don’t pretend to know.
Report Post »WireWizard
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 6:50pmFacebook has no more to do with temptation than money is to corruption.
Report Post »Infidels R Us
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 6:41pmI agree with the pastor if he is “inviting or suggesting” they delete their facebook page. I have never had a facebook, myspace, twitter, or any other social gathering account. I simply don’t want my information out there, and the last thing I want is an old girlfriend bothering me. I can also see the pastor’s point that it might be a temptation to others. It doesn‘t mean that a person’s marriage is doomed because they are tempted by a situation or someone else. As anyone knows who has been married for a considerable length of time, even a good marriage has its up and downs. I think the Pastor is just trying to eliminate temptation from his congregation. I pray everyday that God will shield me from temptation.
Report Post »Midwest Belle
Posted on November 18, 2010 at 2:15amFacebook or any other social networking site only reveals what you put in it. I mean, If I choose to only use my first name, how can an old flame find me? If I do not reveal my email address, phone number, address etc., how can anyone get that information? They Can’t!!
Yes I have a facebook account. My husband does not. He trust me, I’ve never given him a reason NOT to trust me. My friends include 4 real friend (in real life), my 3 children, their spouses, several of my grandchildren, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, sometimes their spouses too.
WHO AM :I GOING TO HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH, WITHIN THAT GROUP I MENTIONED ABOVE???
(I used to play games on facebook where you have to have X friends to advance. I advanced to the maximum level, then deleted everyone who didn’t belong to the group I listed above.)
Yes the pastor is in the wrong. Lead, don’t push. There IS a difference!
Report Post »osbo45
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 6:31pmJust like anything else Facebook can be used for both good and evil. If you ask me, that pastor was right to raise concerns about marital infidelity. I don’t know about him “ordering” people to delete their accounts but strongly suggesting it sounds like a good idea.
Report Post »txblaze
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 6:16pmSounds to me like facebook just exposed marital problems that were already there. Of course it‘s facebook’s fault – it couldn’t possibly be because those couples already had problems. If I went to a church that “ordered” me to do or not do something I would be out the door before the final hymn.
Report Post »Red Views in a Blue State
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 6:36pmI agree. As a married person, where both my spouse & I have facebook accounts, I don‘t need my pastor telling me that I can’t avoid temptation, so I’d better avoid it all together? Both my husband & use it for completely innocent reasons, not to flirt or find old flames. If people ARE using it for that, they have marital problems that will not be fixed by deleting their accounts. They’ll find other ways to do such things. Maybe the pastor should focus more energy on guiding couples to communicate with each other, rather than turning to the internet.
Report Post »Conserving Ink
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 6:11pmI don’t think a preacher should be telling you to delete your Facebook account. But I would get suspicious if my spouse refused to let me see her page.
Report Post »______________________________________________________________
New Post conserving-ink.blogspot.com
Gina Slaughter
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 7:14pmAgree. I have a facebook account and so does my husband, but our logins are not private.
Report Post »CatB
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 7:16pmEveryone I know is “friends” with their spouse … BTW .. back in the 1970′s my first husband had no problem committing adultery without Facebook! As did people in the 1800′s,1700′s,1600′s … etc. If they want to cheat they will find a way.
Report Post »SSBN_VET
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 7:59pm@CATB
You are absolutely correct. This church has a spiritual leadership problem if the congregation is having an adultry problem. The problem is obviously the pastor himself because he is using carnal solutions to try to solve spiritual problems. Adultry is a spiritual problem because it stems from a lack of reverence or fear of God. The church is probably a church that puts the emphasis on salvation by works, which is erroneous. If the church were to put the emphasis on salvation by Grace and teach the congregation to rely on God’s Grace to empower them to steer clear from sin, in this case adultry, then the church would not be dealing with these types of problems to begin with.
This is a church that will be in swift decline in attednees as long as they are being pastored by a false teacher. I guarantee that the pastor is having his own battles with sin that he is losing because of his lagalistic approach to avoiding sin. As Paul teaches us in his epistles that the law brings death but Christ brings Grace and life.
Report Post »DrPepper
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 6:09pmWell the pastor can set rules for those who are in authority in the church he is basically their boss in a way. Now he can‘t rightly tell the congregation that they have to delete their accounts because they aren’t under his authority administrative wise.
Report Post »benrush
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 6:04pmI deleted mine a while back, on SECURITY concerns. But this is also a good reason.
Report Post »prepper1776
Posted on November 18, 2010 at 7:43amwith everybody so concerned about privacy i have never understood why someone would put thier life out on the internet for everyone to see. i have never had a facebook account and never would. if i want to keep in touch with people i call them
Report Post »AlaskaRick
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 6:03pmMiller should look up the definition of Pastor and not confuse it with Dictator.
Report Post »ME
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 6:08pmYou can change pastors not dictators sounds like you might need that dictionary more then the pastor.
Report Post »snowleopard3200 {mix art}
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 6:13pmAs a chaplain I agree, the pastor is a shepard to the flock, not to be a dictator. Still though, people need to be careful what is looked at and watched online, for the stuff can come back to hurt you greatly. Security especially is a grave concern, for I have heard of businesses and law enforcment sweeping these social sights to gather any and all info possible on people.
I do not have a facebook account, nor at this time intend to.
Please for the sake of our country, community, and families, ask people you know who believe in the power of prayer to ask the Almighty for protection and guidance of the nation.
Report Post »AlaskaRick
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 6:25pmME, what are you talking about? You seriously can’t understand what I meant?
Report Post »Jezreel
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 6:53pmLord, “lead us not into temptation”. I do understand that Facebook could be a weakness for some people unless they are mature in the Lord. There is a misconception about duties and abilities of so called “pastors”. They are to lead by “example”, not drive the sheep from behind.
It is amazing how much one little word can change the meaning of a passage of scripture. Such is the case with this word over. Take for instance, Paul’s words to the Ephesian elders in Acts 20:28 which reads:
“Take heed therefore unto yourselves, and to all the flock, over (en) which the Holy Ghost hath made you overseers, to feed the church of God, which he hath purchased with his own blood.”
This is a deliberate mistranslation. It could be nothing else for it required that the simplest Greek preposition, en (in or among), which is used 2,700 times in the New Testament and is nowhere else translated over, should be translated over only here and that in the context of leadership.
Peter instructed the presbuteros of his day regarding the nature of their work, reminding them of the perimeters set by the Lord Himself.
“Neither as being lords over (katakurieuo) God’s heritage, but being ensamples to the flock.” (1 Peter 5:3)
Report Post »The Greek word katakurieuo translated lords over in the above passage is a compound verb consisting of kata, down, and kurieuo, to exercise lordship. Katakurieuo describes how a lord typically relates to a minion. He relates down (kata) because he is thought to be above or over. It is certain that Peter was remembering the words of Christ, who said “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over (katakurieuo) them … It shall not be so among you…” Jesus forbids His followers to lord-down upon each other. Instead, he reminds us that he who would be great must be a servant and whoever would be first must be a slave, even as the Son of man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. (See Matthew 20:25-28.)
ME
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 7:08pmWell I can only see what I read and I am not always the best at putting my thoughts on paper:) but I would never want the responsibility of directing ones spiritual life its a bigger job then being president as far as I am concerned. Like politics its up the the local pastor to lead the flock not a convention or pope ect… (local politician vs. federal) if that pastor is seeing a problem and address it (facebook) and decides that you do not need a place of leadership if you use it then, quite or leave no dictator only a rule to in his opinion save your family. To many churches today are just feel good camps that teach very little that is in the bible and there main concern is only with adding to the flock and the building size and bank accounts in other words a business. I would not say he is right or wrong only that it is nice to see a preacher that main concern is not if he will lose a tither. To say that he is a dictator or make that comparison he would need to hold there eternal soul at ransom as some religions do but that is another discussion
Report Post »Rev. WC
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 7:38pmTough subject..here I am blogging but would prefer sitting at a dinner table or on the front porch discussing the ideals of life..there are a lot of temptations..in life..in church..on the web..answers only exist within the mysteries of the Lord Jesus and prayers..as I have none..
Report Post »bobby535
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 8:05pmGod put the tree of temptation in the garden for a reason. To test faith. God did not cut down the tree and get rid of it because the temptation was too great.
Report Post »DogTags
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 8:23pmPeople ought to leave a church who has a pastor that can make ministers in the church face losing their jobs if they refuse to go along with his dictates. Churches should be run by a board of elders and not by a single pastor. Churches run by a single pastor without the oversight of a board of elders or a higher covering of a church oversight comittee run the risk of turning into a cult.
Report Post »jzs
Posted on November 17, 2010 at 9:28pmI’m not taking sides, but Facebook (and/or equivalent websites), the internet (with porno and all), texting, instant messaging, along with all the temptations and loss of privacy if you choose to engage in the electronic world, isn’t going away. Even China can’t keep people with a little computer savvy from accessing any website in the world (I was there this summer and with a little preparation, could access anything as if I were in the US). It’s a brave new world and like it or not, good or bad, it’s here to stay.
Report Post »Beckofile
Posted on November 18, 2010 at 2:24pmI am not on any of the social media stuff because the more info out there about you is not a good thing. I have contemplated putting a fake and wonderful lie about my life so that if anyone looks me up I would appear so great and altruistic. Use the social media to my advantage and not disadvantage? HMMM maybe on to something. I could be a sort of Facebook designer and fabricate lives for the advantage of folks?
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