Read the Epic 2-Page Letter a Guy Left His Roommate After Stealing Some Milk — And You’ll Want to Read It
- Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:02pm by
Jonathon M. Seidl
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Think back. Remember the days you were in college, or maybe fresh out of school and living with some roommates? Heck, maybe you even live with some now. Have you ever stolen something from one of your past or current roommates? Have you ever had the guts to admit it? And if you have, how did you do it? Well, the way one guy did it has gone viral. And once you see how, you’ll understand why.
“My roommate is a writer, this is what he left after stealing some milk… .” That’s the title one guy left on the popular site Reddit. It links to a picture of a two page paper outlining a lengthy explanation.
“Mark,” the hilarious and detailed letter begins. “Right about now you might be thinking, ‘Hey, what happened to my milk? It looks like somebody opened it and drank some of it.’”
The Daily Mail explains what he then goes on to say: “He goes on to share, in painstaking detail, the thoughts that crossed his mind when he opted to take the milk, ranging from contemplations on Dr Seuss to the acclaimed film Milk.”
“Now, I could have gone through your room looking for some cash to take from you or perhaps goods to trade, but I thought you wouldn’t like that. So, as I’m positive you would have wanted, I took the best course of action: taking some of your milk,” the roommate, who signs the letter “Alexander ‘Crab Claw’ Koplow,” writes.
He justifies it by mentioning a beer the roommate offered him the night before, which he declined: he chose to steal the milk instead.
“If you disagree with this decision, you really have no one to blame but yourself. I was simply acting on your behalf.”
“The milk meant more to me than you’ll ever know,” he concludes. “The next time I’m in a position like the one i was in last night, I’ll feel confident that the right hing to do is drink your milk. You’re a giver. It’s just your nature. I love that about you.”
What can you say, he’s a writer.
You can read the entire thing below (or if it’s too small, just click to the original):
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Comments (78)
jungle J
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 5:46pmif he will steal a little he will steal alot.
Report Post »casseopea42
Posted on June 2, 2012 at 2:15amDear Alexander,
I spit in that milk knowing you would take some.
Report Post »mdeputy7
Posted on June 5, 2012 at 8:42amOh my gosh you people are ridiculous. He took the milk JUST SO he would have the excuse to give this letter. Quit being so uptight.
Report Post »DogTags
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 5:35pmOne possibility that he never considered was going to bed hungry. Why is it that situational ethics always leads to justifying an immediate fulfillment of a current want? Where is self-sacrifice? Where is self-discipline?
This selfish philosophy plays itself out in public policy. Why should we tax the future generations for our immediate health care benefits? The problem with liberals is that they can’t see the past nor the future. To them history began this morning. Neither can they plan for the future. You have often heard them say “Drilling for more oil will have no effect on the price of gas today.” They have used this argument for 20 years now, but remember, to liberals history began this morning. They think they just thought of it today. Because they cannot plan for the future they cannot see that putting into motion now the process of more oil production will in the future yield more oil, which will lower the price of gas.
Don’t simply think this letter is from a silly college student. It is a microcosm of the type of thinking that gives us politicians who take our liberties “for your own good.”
Liberals
Report Post »toto
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 10:03pmExactly!
Report Post »zorro
Posted on June 4, 2012 at 9:02amHoly effin’ Christ…are you serious? This is clearly a case of two friends screwing with each other. My Lord…chill the hell out.
Report Post »PROSECUTE_PUBLIC_SERVANTS__FOR_CONSTITUTIONAL_TREASON
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 5:25pmSin is sin. He stole. The penalty is four to five fold repayment. Get a job you thief.
Report Post »3monkeysmomma
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 6:18pmDear Mark,
You are welcome to the milk, but you really need professional help and a DIFFERENT hobby.
Report Post »Question with BOLDness
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 11:39pmWhy are you all taking this so seriously? This is awesome! So, the guy got in a jam, borrowed some milk and wrote this hilarious letter to ‘make up for it’, you know, in a funny way. I’m sure the guy will replace the milk and the rest of the letter I think he was kidding and was made it into a story. No harm done!
RamonPreston
Posted on June 2, 2012 at 11:13amDidn’t David steal the shewbread from the temple which was unlawful and God did not count it as sin? He and his men were starving. Maybe his roommate was thirsty and broke (I was in college. I used to go down and take the agitators out of the washing machines looking for money under them.) His marriage isn‘t going to last long if he’s that selfish.
Report Post »I don‘t remember ever having this problem in college or if I did I didn’t deem it important enough to remember.
(His letter too long and too small (and my eyes too weak) to read.)
AllAmericanGirl22
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 5:22pmLol, that’s good.
Report Post »Obamujahadeen
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 5:16pmIt‘s only ’spilt milk’ but who knows, maybe his roommate’s like Obama and is there on a free ride and keeps taking all his stuff and saving up his money for his things and bills and what not… I wouldn’t doubt it.
I‘m one of those ’don‘t touch what’s not yours without express permission’ people, and just leave other people’s things alone..but that‘s me and many of you I’m sure too.
Report Post »Eric_The_Red_State
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 5:03pmI would have drank the milk – and poured beer into the milk to fill up the missing milk – and super-glued the cap back on.
Nobody would know!!
Report Post »RamonPreston
Posted on June 2, 2012 at 11:14amFunny
Report Post »DILLIGAF-26
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 5:01pmNote Back to Milk Taker:
Report Post »“That’s OK Crab Claw old buddy…while we are at the confessional I had no alternative but to borrow your toothbrush a few times. Nothing works like your toothbrush in those hard to reach places if you know what I mean. Oh…and thanks for the beer.”
North_Star
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 5:01pmI was kinda thinking that George Bush must have done it………. naaaaaa… only an immature jerk would blame Bush. ;)
Report Post »North_Star
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 5:03pmoh yeah… almost forgot…. that jerk would have to be in DENIAL…. denying their own accountability for their actions and behavior. yep. an immature in denial jerk would blame Bush.
Report Post »Obamujahadeen
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 5:20pmYou mean like Jugears McKenyan did just yesterday with President Bush in his presence? http://bit.ly/KNcItY
That guy and his wife ‘the mooch’ have the class of a convicted and jailed Union liberal woman teacher for sexual abuse. NONE. (that just happened today too btw)
Report Post »FedUpWithLibs
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 5:00pmI’m glad the writer stole his milk. The roommate was not giving his fair share. The writer probably didn’t have his own milk because of the extreme racism in the milk market. It’s only right that we take the milk from the people who have excess amounts of it and give it to the people who are oppressed by the one percent of this country who have most of the milk.
Report Post »THE MAD TACO
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 5:17pmHAHAHAHAHAHA Mint comment hahahahahaha~
Report Post »BoMwarrior
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 5:51pmBwah-hahahahaha!!!!! :D Well said my friend! In fact many of you well said on these comment threads!
Report Post »slvrserfr
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:59pmAn offering of calcium enriched OJ for breakfast for calcium enriched milk for cereal sounds like a fair offer. That must have been some milk for him to write such a lengthy explanation.
Report Post »BeingThere
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:56pmNo, I didn’t want to read that, and I stopped after a couple of paragraphs and started wondering when the long overdue asteroid would hit!!!!
Report Post »cdcats8
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:40pmWhat a great fun story
Report Post »Mark0331
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:34pmStealing things is a glorious occupation, particularly in the ‘art’ world.
M.McLaren….
Report Post »KickinBack
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:33pmVery creative, and yet why would someone go to such lengths to explain stolen milk?
Answer: Because it’s all a conspiracy. You see, this Alex guy must’ve known about the Bilderburger meetings going on this weekend, and that this story would get posted on the blaze as well. So then the conspirators will have yet another excuse to start crying out “Why is this news and why isn’t the blaze covering Bilderburgers??”
Then all the blaze readers will be pummeled with massive paragraphs about Jim..er..Alex Jones, and NWO’s, and neo-cons, and how Ron Paul still has more delegates than Romney…
Report Post »FedUpWithLibs
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 5:02pmDon’t talk like that! They’re listening!
Report Post »biohazard23
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 5:53pmAlex’s last name is really Jones and he lives in Texas. :)
Report Post »chazmo
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 6:09pmwell ya gotta wonder….
Report Post »circleDwagons
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:27pmI had a housemate mad at me because my cottage cheese was bad and he got sick from eating it. I laughed at him.
Report Post »brezzeone
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:30pmWhy should we care about this crap ?
Report Post »Locked
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:25pmThat made me smile :-) Wish my college roommates had the guts and intellect to answer their petty thefts like this back in the day…
Report Post »19sleep19
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:22pmHe’s got a bright future working for the White House and a spin master! Classic!!!
Report Post »Cindyhj
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:19pmWhy not just ask if you can have something, or borrow something? Most are willing to share. Stealing means no faith in others.
Report Post »Locked
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:32pmAccording to the letter, it was at 1:30AM. Odds are the roommate was asleep.
Report Post »AmazingGrace8
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:18pm“You’re a giver” and loves that about his roommate.. Interesting line from a person who is a taker. This taker will be applying for a job at GSA. Sadly, the giver did not realize that a taker would be stealing milk. Doesn’t it ALWAYS start with a little thing and escalates?
Report Post »OUTRIDER WRITER
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:17pmWhen I was in college, someone kept drinking my chocolate milk, time after time after time…after time. No sooner did I buy a pint than it was gone. So I dissolved half a bar chocolate ex-lax segments in it. Sweet revenge.
Report Post »vnachi77
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:30pmNo you didn’t.
Report Post »Zcat
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:17pmToo funny!
Report Post »lukerw
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:17pmWho knew? ObamaEconomics is based upon College RoomMate CoHabitation!
Report Post »vox_populi
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:13pmHey Blazers – love having the former CEO of Huffington Post running the Blaze now, huh?
GOTTA LOVE THAT HARD-HITTING NEWS CONTENT!
Report Post »AmazingGrace8
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:28pmTrying to keep his job at the Blaze and…wait for it….“milking” it for all its worth!!!
Report Post »Thought this was a “human-interest” story and fun to read! Just me, but certainly can find out how many people “tick”. What I would like to know is what was the reaction of the giver? Does he forgive the taker? Or, the fool me once, shame on me? Chipping away trust for another person.
And the beat goes on.
Walkabout
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:28pmAdvertisers & publishers they look as web stats & you keep coming back.
JeJeJe
Report Post »chazmo
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 6:12pmand again here you are commenting on it.. hahahaha.. loser… more money for GB.. he thanks you..
Report Post »Mark0331
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:10pmMoral relativism will certainly end our species and damn our souls.
Report Post »voodoolife
Posted on June 1, 2012 at 4:08pmBwaaaaaahahahaaaa!
Report Post »