Really Smart Expert Says Listen Up Kids, There’s No Such Thing as Casual Sex
- Posted on April 12, 2011 at 8:40pm by
Emily Esfahani Smith
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It’s that time of year: when high school students start receiving acceptance letters from the colleges to which they applied.
As many of them prepare to leave home for the first time, they’ll not only be faced with new academic pressures, but social ones as well–including sex and alcohol, and the combination of the two, which is otherwise known as the “hook up culture.” The culture of casual sex.
But does casual sex exist? Is casual sex actually possible?
No way, jose, says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist:
So, casual sex is really never casual unless you’re so drunk you can’t remember it; something happens. As a matter of fact, in one study of over a thousand people, over 50% of both men and women reported that their first kiss of somebody was sort of the kiss of death. They had begun quite attracted to a person sexually and romantically and then when they kissed them, it was so horrible for them that it turned them off completely. So, casual sex is just plain old not casual. Something can happen. You can either fall madly in love with this person, or you can begin a deep sense of attachment to them.
As a matter of fact, I’ve been working with a graduate student named Justin Garcia, and he and I believe that people go into hookups, or one-night stands hoping to trigger a longer relationship. And in fact, in a study that he did of 515 men and women in a college in the northeast, he asked them why they went into this hookup; this one-night stand. Fifty percent of women and 52% of men reported that they went into the sexual experience hoping to trigger a longer relationship, and in fact, 1/3 of them did.
Here she is, in an interview over at Big Think, where she explains further:
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Comments (80)
paulamadden
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 11:44pmExample of a person who has “casual” sex: Charlie Sheen.
Report Post »Does he look happy to you?
Non-sequitur
Posted on April 13, 2011 at 2:56pmExample of a person who has “casual” sex: Hugh Heffner.
Does he look happy to you?
Hell yeah he does!
Report Post »paulamadden
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 11:43pmIf you grow up being casual about sex….then you grow old being jaded and bored with life.
Report Post »Workforit
Posted on April 13, 2011 at 4:47amPAULAMADDEN….Speak for yourself, Please!
Non casual sex cost me more money and time than you could ever imagine…or… I could ever spend on hookers in a life time… Just ask my ex wife. Now that, that nightmare is over… I have more fun, I’m happier now, than I have ever been in my whole life. If you want to have a little fun and weed out the “wrong” girls, (of no interest to you, I’m sure) just say the word “pre-nup“ and ”you will have to sign it at my lawyers office”. The trick is to let them think they have you wrapped around their little finger and when they pressure for the next step… Drop the bomb…. If they sign then as a man you can move beyond casual sex, emotionally and financially. Jaded? No… just smarter.
When it comes to the “Non Casual Business of Marriage” the legal system is stacked in the womens favor… All women know this, believe me, trust me, take these words as the gospel truth. If you took the institution of marriage and made it a financially fair and balanced, a legally equal and responsible institution… The world would change… sorry Paula…Don’t blame me, blame the government and our legal system. I’m happy and lovin life. Would I ever get married again? You bet, and it will be for the last time, with a signed pre-nup as thick as your thumb! Nothing like balancing the legal playing field to help you find real non casual sex, real love and real commitment.
Life begins at fifty… if you survive your 20′s, 30′s, and 40′s! I survived being a single Dad with custody of young children and the mistake of marrying a woman not worth the water she was made out of. I assure you in the beginning of our relationship the sex was not casual, at least not on my end.
I think Mick Jagger said it best when he said “Love is a game of youth”. I say “Marriage, having kids and raising a family is for responsible, committed, moral adults only”. The keyword being “responsible”. If you fit into this last statement Paula and I hope you do, we are on the same page. Casual sex isn’t the problem, the problems come after.
Report Post »DAGNY
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 10:55pmThis is news? THIS drivel is news? Okay, who over the age of 30 doesn’t already know this? And who under the age of 30 would believe it?
The Blaze is really starting to get watered down.
Report Post »TheBMT
Posted on April 13, 2011 at 12:57amahhh there is the comment that makes sense.
Report Post »Workforit
Posted on April 13, 2011 at 4:52amAgreed… I still got baited into a lengthy response, no excuse, to much time on my hands I guess
Report Post »Non-sequitur
Posted on April 13, 2011 at 2:57pmThere’s a place and time for casual sex. Those would be “here” and “before I die”.
Report Post »kram
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 10:46pmwomen really don’t like sex- young women(girls) do it to rebel or they like a guy and its part of it,but if women liked sex nothing would ever get done- if women liked sex there would be no porn.
Report Post »foobear
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 11:51pmI feel sort of bad for you, Kram.
Report Post »Its Gonna Getcha
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 10:41pmIf you mean casual sex is an unspoken agreement to allow each other to leave if they want, then there IS such a thing as casual sex. However, no one is capable of having only casual sex for their entire life, and that’s a different subject. It’s not something to invest in long-term. Would you want to paint the exact same painting over and over again?
Report Post »BRAVEHEART
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 10:36pmPlaying psychological and emotional Russian Roulette with your Heart is dangerous. Thats what your doing when you engage in “casual intimacy” a real contradiction of terms, no really intelligent person would play such a stupid game with their life. And I don’t need $100,000 dollars to understand the truth.
Report Post »the_ancient
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 10:21pmSomeone must have failed math class…. “No Such Thing” would mean 100% not 50-52%
Report Post »BobParker2003
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:37pmSo you think a “really smart” person/expert will be listened to by kids? No he won’t!
Report Post »angelcat
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:31pmDuh, I was taught the same thing in my religion classes in my 16 years of Catholic education, and it made sense to me. I have never regretted believing what I was taught. Sex is special and not just having anyone who is handy and acceptable scratch an itch.
Report Post »parlayer
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:25pmHow can anyone feel special? When your one of Many, Marry a whore, you get what you pay for.
Report Post »Now this is Art
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:20pmmohammed had casual sex with 9 year olds…does that count?
Report Post »Oil_Robb
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 10:45pmOnly if four males wittnesed it
Report Post »Now this is Art
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:17pmi like sex
Report Post »LadyIzShy
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:09pmwho paid for this study????
Report Post »Andrewk369
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:06pmI find that the reason there are so many more divorces these days are because people are looking for love through casual sex :/ Being in college right now I can tell you that this most certainly happens. Good sex can’t produce love but good love can produce good sex! ;) What I mean is people stay together not because of the sex, but because of who they are. Americans these days…
Report Post »foobear
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 11:36pmActually, biochemically speaking, sex *can* produce feelings of love and attachment.
That‘s why it’s dangerous to have casual sex with someone, more so than the risk of STDs or pregnancy. STDs and pregnancy, at least, you can protect against.
That‘s why it’s always better to be in a stable, loving relationship already before having sex.
Report Post »NormanDeArmond
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:05pmWhat I meann is unmarried sex in anabortion promoting culture like ours carries with it the guilt of murder, you know, abortion. Before God who hears an outcry from the aborted from their place awaiting their parents in hell. Heypcs.com goes over this in detail.
Report Post »momprayn
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:03pm“Fifty percent of women and 52% of men reported that they went into the sexual experience hoping to trigger a longer relationship, and in fact, 1/3 of them did.” Don’t think the reason here is too…..wise? Like you can’t get into a longer relationship without sex? That’s the only/best way??! Plus what about the other 50% who didn’t? No reason other than tempporary “fun”? Oh, that’s another good one. And then we want to know why do we have problems in this area?
Report Post »And as a Christian, I’ve been appalled the females dress like they were prostitutes, including church and think this is just fine…..you must dress sexy you know…and keep the guys “interested”…..and if you’re raped, it‘s totally the guy’s fault. Yep — we indeed have some problems in this land of Sodom and Gomorrah.
foobear
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 11:23pm“you must dress sexy you know…and keep the guys “interested”…..and if you’re raped, it‘s totally the guy’s fault.”
Wait… your username is “Momprayn” and you’re blaming women for being raped??
Holy crap. Are you Taliban, or just American Crazy Fundamentalist?
You’re the very stereotype of the “evil Christian”, that makes us all look bad. As St. Paul said, don’t do things that cast doubt on the piety of Christians – you’re so worried about “women dressing like prostitutes in church” that you don‘t even realize how evil it is to wish they’re going to be raped.
Report Post »Non-sequitur
Posted on April 13, 2011 at 2:55pmYep, and women should not work except in the house. They shouldn’t get to wear shoes, either. And they should listen to their husband, because hubby knows best. And they….
It’s like falling through a damn time portal here.
Report Post »NormanDeArmond
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:02pmThe two joined together and became one flesh, What God in that sexual way joined together let no man seperate Evidence+baby. Murder is result for most kids of “sex” abortion is murder by the way, from lifenews, The office of Pennsylvania Sen. Bob Casey, who claims to be a pro-life Democrat, has confirmed he will not vote for an amendment to de-fund the Planned Parenthood abortion business.
Report Post »DangerClose
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 8:59pmWow let’s continue to erode, What’s next? It would seem, only based on personal observation, that the “smarter” people get, the less grasp on reality they have. It took a PhD and a grad student to perform this “study.” I bet you a plumber and a nurse at a local bar could have told you the same thing. Not only that, but performed the study on their own dime.
Report Post »Salamander
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:05pmYou gotta get the movie ‘Idiocracy’! It says it all!
Report Post »UpstateNYConservative
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 8:57pm“…As a matter of fact, I’ve been working with a graduate student named Justin Garcia, and he and I believe that people go into hookups, or one-night stands hoping to trigger a longer relationship…”
Wait a minute–someone willfully goes looking for a one-nighter hoping for a relationship? Sounds like a mutually-exclusive intent to me.
What also seems to question the theory is that only 1/3 of respondents ‘succeeded’ in the relationship part. Gotta love that junk science!
Report Post »Nervous Investor
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:36pmHave to agree UpState …..Seems like the sample population attempted one night stands and 1/3 rd of the subjects failed …… for reason that the encounter became a relationship of some sort …. I suppose that others failed for lack of adequate blood supply to the necessary parts ….. ON the other hand however I suppose that the entire population to some degree exchanged bacteria, viruses (or is that Viri) and maybe even some DNA.
Report Post »endgamer
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 8:55pmTell that to a Teenager that says “It’s Just Sex”.. This quote came from a friend of my nephew who was 14 years old!! She was sexually active at 11!!!!!!!
Report Post »ISLAMICO
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 8:51pmIn America vice is normal and accepted and a god given right to fornicate and do evil at least according to the man made constitution. In Islam the system of goodness God sets the rules and god has done so in the Quran.
All other systems are abolished, no longer valid ie- Christianity.
Report Post »Salamander
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:03pmMossbrain — Nice observation! But, you are too kind! Don’t they HACK it off???
Report Post »TheGreyPiper
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:24pmI think this guy is really a troll trying to get patriots all stirred and cause the kind of trouble that mohammadans(pdhn)* and marxists do. Can’t believe anyone is really this stupid.
*(pi$$ down his neck)
Report Post »riseandshine
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:26pmare all muslims pure?…and if not, does it invalidate the quoran?….i didn’t think so….neither would unpure Christians make the bible any less valid
Report Post »GREEN THIS
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:54pmGood laugh…just sprayed beer all over computer screen.
Report Post »GREEN THIS
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 10:25pmMossbrain was censored?????
Report Post »What’s up?
Stoic one
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 10:55pmyea… moss censored. i have been as well. once for something TRULY naughty. another time because I got my facts all bollixed up.
I can fill in the chasm there though….
Report Post »Wilkins
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 11:02pmHey Islamico, how does the celebration of having sex with a nine year old fit with your world view? Have the rules changed since, or is this just a nice cult for pedophiles?
Report Post »Wdawg
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 8:48pmthis is true… I brought home this chick last Friday, and we had what i thought was casual sex. But she hasnt stopped calling since. Damn these hoes….
Report Post »teddrunk
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 8:58pmPerhaps it was a peahen looking to procreate
Report Post »Salamander
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:00pmMaybe she lost her diaphragm?
Report Post »teachermitch32
Posted on April 13, 2011 at 12:13amBetter call her back…ya know, STD’s and all. You may now be carrying, if you weren’t before.
Report Post »ImahaIngttta
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 8:47pmThe best thing you can do for your Junior/Senior H.S. Child is send them to camp. THIS camp: http://www.summit.org They will learn what it takes to keep/defend their Christianity when bombarded in college by most professors and their new fellow students. What a bargain.
I am no way affiliated with this camp. I am just asking Christian parents to look into this.
Report Post »ScienceIsNotEvil
Posted on April 13, 2011 at 12:53amhttp://www.summit.org/media/pdf/resources/fact-sheets/biology-science-fact-sheet.pdf
Is it really smart to sends kids to camps that teach the Earth is 6 thousand years old?
Report Post »ImahaIngttta
Posted on April 13, 2011 at 8:05amWere you there when this statement was presented as fact and final? Just because ideas are explored, does not mean they are presented as fact. I remember studying the Roman and Greek Gods in middle school.
Report Post »koyettsu
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 8:46pmThe funny thing is, no relationship before the sex =’s a much lower chance of their being a relationship or mutual respect.
Report Post »LadyIzShy
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:08pmyep yep.. it seems to be something many need to learn
Report Post »jhaydeng
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 8:46pmHow do you become a sex expert?
Report Post »banjarmon
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 8:48pmask Dr Ruth
Report Post »Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 8:49pmDate Lindsay Lohan or Charlie Sheen.
Report Post »ImahaIngttta
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 8:49pmJHAYDENG: That’s easy, an atheist.
Report Post »Bearded_One
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 8:51pmI certainly wouldn’t want to be known as a sex expert.
Report Post »BetterDays
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 8:56pmPawlenty’s in for president…breaking news.
I guess because they did the study?
Report Post »Salamander
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 8:59pmPractice, practice, practice!!!
Report Post »jzs
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:06pmMakes sense.
Report Post »clemieux
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:17pmHave a lot of sex!
Report Post »TheGreyPiper
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:21pmVery carefully, or you’re liable to go blind.
Report Post »watchmany2k
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:29pm@jheydeng
I‘ve been told I’m an expert 8-)
As my ole buddy Joe-bud used to say:
One out of fifty will kiss ya, so ask a hundred and get kissed twice.
I know, I know, I just couldn’t resist…
Report Post »Truth is, nothing meaningful comes from casual sex, except a Son or a Daughter…
HappyStretchedThin
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:29pmHire a grad student to pass out surveys, then re-phrase in scientific babble what humankind has known since Adam.
Report Post »Guess I shouldn’t complain. It’s always nice to have a fresh expert study behind me when I make the case for traditional Christian wisdom on morality…
Eliasim
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:32pmThe Bible is a sex expert in that the way it speaks of marriage and also premarital sex. The Bible does say in the scripture that in fact if one has premarital sex with a young maiden that in the eyes of God they are, and that is implicated many times through their life-long infatuation with each other whether they are indeed still together or apart, and often that common bond can cause them to follow the same path in life causing them to bump into each other often. That’s because of the spiritual rivers that bind people together.
Report Post »Eliasim
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:39pmThere is so much more to life than this fig leaf flesh, in that there is the spiritual flesh which is body fed by rivers of waters. That’s why a widow whom has children should not marry again until reaching the age of sixty, and if she does desperately search for a husband it will conflict with the waters causing her to be a babbling old woman.
Report Post »nappy
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:44pmThat’s easy.. you’re born so ugly that all you ever think about is having sex. Ask Dr. Ruth.
Report Post »GIDEON612
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 10:03pmHaving sex was created for a man and woman and they enter into a blood covenant, the way God created it to be. He illustrated this with Abraham. This is why a woman bleeds when she has her first sexual experience. Also the Bible tells us that the two become one. So you now share in your partners life, problems and demons.
Report Post »Oil_Robb
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 10:14pmIn our home its a matter of opinion….Sex is only casual if you are trying to watch “Sports Center” at the same time.
Report Post »foobear
Posted on April 12, 2011 at 11:32pm@Eliasim “That’s why a widow whom has children should not marry again until reaching the age of sixty, and if she does desperately search for a husband it will conflict with the waters causing her to be a babbling old woman”
Uh, you should really go and read the Bible again, dude. In particular, the 1 Tim 5:9 that you’re so badly mangling. In fact, you’re getting it exactly opposite.
Paul recommended that younger widows remarry, since they were apt to run around causing trouble (i.e. seducing other women’s husbands). Also, this would mean that they’d have a husband to take care of them. The bit about 60 year old widows was for the church welfare system at the time – only widows over the age of 60, who’d be the wife of one husband, were eligible for church welfare.
As always with the “husband of one wife” or “wife of one husband” bits, there’s a lot of debate over what exactly it meant. Did a twice-widowed woman therefore become ineligible? No – it means that they’d stayed faithful to their husband or wife. (The Catholic Church very famously gets this wrong when they deliberately contradict the command for bishops and deacons to be the “husband of one wife”.)
You also say, “The Bible is a sex expert in that the way it speaks of marriage and also premarital sex.” But the Bible does not address premarital sex at all directly in the Bible, much to the consternation of John Calvin, when he was building his religious theocracy in Geneva. The closest bit is if a man seduces a virgin, he’s liable to either marry her or pay a fine. (If she’s not a virgin, then the Bible doesn’t say anything at all.)
Most Christians don‘t actually know that the Bible doesn’t address premarital sex, thinking that “fornication” is what is being talked about. But to paraphrase Inigo Matoya, that word doesn’t mean what you think it means. In fact, ‘pornea’ (the word they translate it from) has nothing to do with premarital sex at all, except by hand-waving.
Report Post »jeffreylayne
Posted on April 13, 2011 at 9:54amFOOBEAR,
Nice response. I am wondering, though, if you wouldn’t mind referencing your statement about the “closest bit” being if “a man seduces a virgin”?
The reason I am curious is because I am quite sure that many references of “virgin” in scripture (in today’s translations) could have meant several different things to the Hebrews, including “maiden” and even “young girl.” That is why context is so important.
Having said that, my advice to you would be avoid being so absolute in your thinking, regardless of whether it is more or less orthodox teaching. Though it’s good to be intentional about speaking where scripture speaks and not speaking where scripture is silent.
Report Post »That was the only thing I wanted to address about your comment. Excellent response to Eliasim, btw. :-)
foobear
Posted on April 13, 2011 at 7:47pm@jeffreylayne I speak firmly on the subject because I’ve made a study of the subject of sex and the Bible, after realizing to my disappointment that a lot of priests and ministers don’t give a very honest treatment of the subject. Sex is not ‘bread for the stomach’ (as St. Paul would put it), but it’s also not as big a deal as modern day Christianity would have you believe. In the Old Testament, especially – St. Paul’s eschatology flavoured him too much toward chastity.
Report Post »