User Profile: DORA_GASBAG_2

DORA_GASBAG_2

Member Since: July 09, 2013

Comments

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  • January 27, 2014 at 8:46pm

    My dads both spend a lot of time down at the Funky Chicken, the local gay bar. There are hundreds of gay guys who hang out there. One night out of curiosity, my dads conducted a poll and asked the happy drinkers there if they were born gay or if they chose to be gay, like them. As it turns out, the dirty little secret in the gay community is that none of them are “born gay”. They just say that make you feel sympathy for them, like its some sort of hardship they must carry with them. In reality, they are all just perverts who like doing weird things to each other. Take it from the 297 gays who took my dads’ survey at the Funky Chicken. And, no my dads are not bisexual, they just like the attention of being “gay”.

  • January 27, 2014 at 8:37pm

    My aunt lives in Maine. She has a beard.

  • January 27, 2014 at 8:30pm

    Hi catty. I had a great time wih you and Keat last Friday. I hope we can do it again. :)

  • January 27, 2014 at 8:26pm

    Actually, ephabatobe, both of my dads chose to be gay. They just like the pretty clothes and the flamboyant hand gestures. Deep down inside, they long for the companionship of a female but each one knows he would only be hurt again by some heartless tramp. So they go on wearing their biker shorts and fish net wife beater shirts, and putting on the whole gay attitude. Its a cultural thing for them, not born with it in any way, shape or form.

  • January 27, 2014 at 8:13pm

    Its a wholesome cartoon, well except when Tom gets his tail and/or head blown off, but that’s funny.

  • January 27, 2014 at 8:10pm

    Deeper, you’re one strange guy. How could you be DORA when I’m DORA? That makes no sense. Have you been taking samples from my shed? If so, stop it. Stop it!

  • January 27, 2014 at 8:07pm

    This is why I stick with Tom & Jerry.

    Responses (3) +
  • January 27, 2014 at 8:06pm

    Oh hi Archon. all I know is my sister who lives in NYC is five feet tall, 245 pounds has spiky hair and a spider tattoo. She wears camouflage pants and biker boots and a wife beater shirt with a picture of a local bar sign that says “Liquor in the front. Poker in the back” Some of you might know my sister, she posts comments here once in a while and goes by the name charles116.

  • January 27, 2014 at 8:01pm

    Well, as it turns out, my dads had gone down to the “adult fun store” and picked up a few items, including a stripper pole. They installed it while I was gone to KFC and then turned out all the lights in the trailer so the neighbors couldn’t see them swinging on the pole through the sheer curtains. I’m not really sure what was more frightening, a real live ghost or the mental image I have of my dads swinging on a stripper pole wearing nothing but their matching green thongs and pink feather boas. I need another drink.

  • January 27, 2014 at 7:40pm

    Sorry folks, but Taylor and his two moms live three doors down from me and that ain’t what they look like. Some of you may recall that when Keats comes over for frozen burritos on Friday nights, I have to grease up the doorway just to slide her through. Taylor’s moms make Keats look like a Barbie doll with a spike butch haircut.

    Responses (4) +
  • [2] January 27, 2014 at 7:30pm

    So about 6 months ago I finished up working out in the “manufacturing plant” I operate in the shed out in the back yard behind my trailer. It was about 8:30 p.m. and I was quite hungry. I rode my pedal bike down to the KFC and picked up a box of boneless chicken and a bucket of smashed potatoes. I got home about 10:00 p.m. and the trailer was dark and still. I turned on the tv to watch a few episodes of George Lopez (that wife of his on that show is so hot) while I ate my boneless chicken and potatoes. Of course, I had to wash it down with something so I grabbed the closest thing I could find, a bottle of Svedka. The only light in the trailer was glowing from the screen on my 14 inch tv. After I got about half through my pile of boneless chicken breasts and half way through my bottle of Svedka, the trailer started shaking. It started slow but increasingly became more and more violent. Then I started hearing moaning and groaning and all sorts of hellish pain filled sounds. I was so terrified I huddled in the corner next to the lizard cage and even wet myself a little. Soon the trailer settled down and the noises stopped. But I couldn’t move. The glow of George Lopez shifted in the room. Suddenly, the door to my dads’ bedroom flung open. I screeched in horror. I’m not sure if I can go on with my story, I’m shaking as I type.

    Responses (8) +
  • January 24, 2014 at 8:48pm

    catty, are you coming or not? I finally got the door greased up enough to get Keats through and we are just waiting for you. The tuna is getting cold. Please hurry.

    Responses (2) +
  • January 24, 2014 at 8:31pm

    Well, Keats is here beating on my door. I better go get out the Crisco and grease up the door so I can slide her into the trailer. Good night my Blaze friends (the only real friends I have). I love you guys.

  • January 24, 2014 at 8:14pm

    Mr. Fooby, I don’t think my dad has a boyfriend. At least I hope he doesn’t, otherwise his “husband” is going to be in a twist. Last night I sat in my bed until 2 a.m. listening to those two giggling like school girls. They like to dress up in their old prom dresses and dance around the living room while listening to the Alphaville channel on pandora. I’m glad they can enjoy themselves but I need some sleep.

  • January 24, 2014 at 8:10pm

    Oh my. I’m sorry Blaze people. I had no idea “h o o k e r” was an offensive word. I’ll try my darndest to clean up my potty mouth from now on.

  • January 24, 2014 at 8:06pm

    I don’t know who Uncle Sugar is, but I do have an Uncle Larry. He’s my dad’s brother. Not my real dad, but my real dad’s “husband”. Uncle Larry lives in West Hollywood. He wears the best outfits when he comes to visit. Sometimes I ask if I can borrow his shoes, cause I really like those high heel hooker shoes, they make my legs look really nice, at least that’s what Keats told me last time. Anyway, I haven’t wore high heels since last month when I had to ride my bicycle to the liquor store one Saturday morning and crashed into a pole at the intersection of Barstow and Rimrock. Everyone was laughing at me and I felt bad. People are mean.

  • January 24, 2014 at 7:55pm

    Mr. prov, where have you been? You know I don’t live in New York. I have a sister who lives in New York. Are you confusing us? She’s much shorter, much more pudgy and has spikey hair. I, on the other hand, prefer to present myself as a lady. I sure hope catty gets back with me, I know she likes her tuna hot and steaming. And,I have to agree. There really is nothing worse than cold frigid tuna on a Friday night.

  • January 24, 2014 at 7:50pm

    Oh, S.E. Cupp. Many a night have I dreamed, in a drunken stupor, of your cupps running over. Those glasses drive me absolutely insane. I want to crawl up a wall.

    Responses (8) +
  • January 24, 2014 at 7:45pm

    Hey there catty poo. Keats will be here in about 45 minutes. Are you coming over tonight? I picked up a carton of frozen burritos at the Costo this afternoon. I have beef and cheese and I know how much you love the spicy tuna. Anyway, let me know so I know how many to throw on the cookie sheet.

    Responses (6) +
  • January 24, 2014 at 2:25pm

    Try riding a bicycle like me. My front end basket can only hold so many bottles when I shop at the liquor store. Some days I have to make multiple trips.

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