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Pathetic Politico preaches; Seinfeld schools Duke grads
Getty Images/Alexi Rosenfeld

Pathetic Politico preaches; Seinfeld schools Duke grads

NYC soft on crime, hard on Steve Buscemi's face; desperate Hollywood puts more leftovers on the menu.

It’s hard not to laugh at late-night TV. Not the jokes, mind you, but the clowns telling them.

It’s pure propaganda, and even Politico noticed.

'What I need to tell you as a comedian: Do not lose your sense of humor. You can have no idea at this point in your life how much you are going to need it to get through.'

The site’s recent story, “Why Late Night Shows Won’t Roast Joe Biden,” suggests even a liberal news site has had enough of the landscape’s extreme bias.

Think again.

“By any metric, Biden is a rich vein of material for late night or sketch comics,” the piece argues.


And then comes the rationale.

As these hosts approached the task of poking fun at Trump, they moved from being comic mercenaries to understanding themselves as part of a media apparatus that had to stand up to the dangers of Trump.

Dangers? You mean like abandoning our allies, draining the Strategic Petroleum Reserve, censoring speech, and locking up our political adversaries?

My, that IS dangerous.

Just when you think the aging Beltway blog's agenda can’t get worse ... it does.

If some topics are verboten, and some political figures are beyond reproach, then we’re setting ourselves up for a culture of increasingly niche products serving niche audiences. Right-wing comic Greg Gutfeld has found ratings success on Fox News counterprogramming with conservative comedy (if you can call it that) because he’s exploited that hole in the market. The future of political comedy looks a lot more like that: Hacky, partisan bomb-throwing with a half-joke or two thrown in for good measure. It’s Gutfeld across the board.

Yes, right-leaning audiences are a “niche,” and Fox News’ Gutfeld is the partisan hack, not the guy who trotted out dancing COVID-19 needles ...

Hollywood's commitment to recycling

We’re about to get another “Road House” film, a sequel to the recent reboot starring Jake Gyllenhaal. Plus, Elle Woods is back, courtesy of a prequel series exploring the “Legally Blonde” character’s early years. And Phoebe Waller-Bridge, the scribe who helped knee-cap Indiana Jones’ last film, will be writing a new “Lara Croft/Tomb Raider” series.

That’s just from Team Amazon.

Hollywood is in panic mode, and just about everything must be tied to Intellectual Properties.

It’s partly our fault.

No, we didn’t spend-spend-spend and cause the industry to drown in red ink. Nor did we tell screenwriters to “put a chick in it and make it lame and gay,” to quote Cartman.

But we often (too often!) flocked to rebooted properties over original fare.

We can change this soon enough.

“If,” an original kiddie film from John Krasinski of “The Office” fame, opens Friday. This summer brings “Horizon,” the ultimate passion project from Kevin Costner. It’s an all-American Western story he’s waited 30 years to tell.

And then there’s “Megalopolis,” the new Francis Ford Coppola movie that doesn’t even have a U.S. distributor yet (although it should at some point). We know little about the film save it’s the most ambitious project from a legendary American auteur in ages.

And if Coppola's labor of love seems like cinematic brussels sprouts to you — suck it up. You never know until you try. Besides, better to feast on those rare originals than choke down the same old microwaved leftovers. “Caddyshack 3: Gopher’s Revenge," anyone?

NYC lawlessness leaves Mr. Pink black and blue

We know actor Steve Buscemi from “Boardwalk Empire,” “Fargo,” and the greatest meme in modern history — “How Do You Do, Fellow Kids?”

This week, he endured the Big Apple’s knack for ignoring law and order. The 66-year-old character actor got slugged at random by a stranger and had to go to the hospital.

He’ll be fine, save a serious shiner, but his plight brings home how dangerous New York City remains under one-party rule. Especially for beloved character actors: Buscemi's fellow thesps Michael Stuhlbarg and Rick Moranis have also endured unprovoked fisticuffs from NYC denizens.

Something tells me each of these assailants spent less time in custody than it takes to doze off in front of Netflix's latest middling rom-com.

And you want to be my latex salesman?

Jerry Seinfeld’s “Unfrosted” press tour is the opposite of “nothing.”

The creator of the famously apolitical sitcom has been riling the left left and right. First, he blasted the “extreme left” for hurting comedy. You know he’s onto something when his critics bring up his age, skin color, and squeaky-clean brand as their preferred lines of attack.

He also spoke out in favor of Israel, a move which earned him plenty of hate amongst the college demographic and MSNBC.

Seinfeld capped his “Unfrosted” tour by addressing Duke University's graduating class.

A few Palestinian apologists walked out, but everyone else heard Seinfeld trash the woke mindset even more. Not directly, but we all know what he meant.

“What I need to tell you as a comedian: Do not lose your sense of humor. You can have no idea at this point in your life how much you are going to need it to get through. Not enough of life makes sense for you to be able to survive it without humor.”

It gets better.

“The slightly uncomfortable feeling of awkward humor is okay. It is worth the sacrifice of an occasional discomfort to have some laughs. Don’t lose that. Even if it’s at the cost of occasional hard feelings, it’s okay.”

He even jabbed at the notion of so-called white privilege.

“My point is we’re embarrassed about things we should be proud of and proud of things that we should be embarrassed about.”

And yes, there’s definitely something wrong with that.

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Christian Toto

Christian Toto

Christian Toto is the founder of and the host of “The Hollywood in Toto Podcast.”