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Glenn Beck Saw 'Noah' Over the Weekend, and He's Calling It the 'Babylonian Chainsaw Massacre


"It's a $100 million disaster."

Russell Crowe stars in the new film, 'Noah.' (Image credit: YouTube/Official Trailer)

Glenn Beck was invited to see "Noah" by an executive vice president of Paramount Pictures over the weekend, who requested that the multimedia personality see the movie before taking a position on it with his audience.

"I felt like kind of a dirtball, basing my review on something that I hadn't seen, on someone else's review," Beck said on radio Monday. "That's what people do to me. They don't listen or watch, then they review. It was wrong of me to do."

Unfortunately -- though Beck said everyone at Paramount was extremely gracious -- he has only more words of warning for his audience after sitting through the entire epic.

Glenn Beck speaks about 'Noah' on his radio program March 24, 2014. (Photo: TheBlaze TV) Glenn Beck speaks about the film "Noah" on his radio program, March 24, 2014. (Photo: TheBlaze TV)

"The review made it sound like this was a godless climate change movie," Beck said. "I believe that it is not a godless climate change movie. It's more take 'Sinbad the Sailor' meets 'The Shining' and 'Friday the 13th,' with a sprinkle of 'Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.'"

Beck said strongly: "If you are looking for a biblical movie, this is definitely not it ... It's not the story of Noah that I was hoping for. If you are going for that, you will be horribly disappointed."

Among the specific scenes Beck took issue with, he referenced the "giant rock people" that sprung up to help Noah with his tasks.

Glenn Beck reviewed 'Noah' on his radio program March 24, 2014. (Photo: TheBlaze TV) Glenn Beck reviewed "Noah" on his radio program, March 24, 2014. (Photo: TheBlaze TV)

"I felt really bad, because as the rock people storyline continued, we all got giggling fits and we started to laugh and mock the movie," Beck said. "And at one point, [we] looked over and realized the executive vice president of Paramount, who invited us, was observing how we were reacting to it. And I'm like, 'I don't think we're going to get out of here without telling him exactly how we feel, because I think he probably knows at this point.' Literally laughing at the rock people."

But Beck said the biggest problem with the movie was "Noah himself."

"I always thought of Noah as more of a nice, gentle guy, prophet of God ... and less of the homicidal maniac that Paramount found in the Bible," Beck said. "More of the man [that] loves God, and less of him trying to break down the doors inside the ark to kill his whole family."

Beck said the movie could have aptly been named the "Babylonian Chainsaw Massacre," based on how Noah was "running around, not kidding, trying to kill his whole family."

Russell Crowe stars in the new film, 'Noah.' (Photo: YouTube/Official Trailer) Russell Crowe stars in the new film, "Noah." (Image source: YouTube/official trailer)

Beck said Noah's rationale was something along the lines of: "People are evil. And God only wanted animals on the ark. And so we are all going to kill each other. And I am going to be first - I will kill all of you. Then you are going to kill me, then we will bury people once we get down on the ground again, then you are just going to have to kill yourself. I will trust you on that."

"It treats a prophet of God like a lunatic," Beck said simply. "There's no redeeming value in Noah, none. He hates people. I'm sorry. No prophet of God hates people ... He tries to kill his own family. To me, a prophet receives direct communication from God, and Noah is wrong about everything."

"It's a $100 million disaster," he concluded. "I wish I could have brought different news to you, but I can't."

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Note - Dr. Greg Thornbury, president of The King's College, joined us on Monday's BlazeCast to give his positive impressions of the movie:

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