Tech by Blaze Media

© 2024 Blaze Media LLC. All rights reserved.
The best internet advice column ever!
Blaze Illustration

The best internet advice column ever!

How to deal with a stutter, deciding whether to have children, and when your partner doesn't pass the smell test.

My boyfriend of two years is pretty great in all respects, and we are highly compatible, with the one caveat being that he never wants kids. I am 23, and he is 26. Our finances would allow us to have kids if we wanted them, so that is not the issue. I don’t feel any particular desire for kids and could go one way or the other, otherwise this would have been a dealbreaker for me. That said, I do worry about possibly regretting the decision not to have kids once I am older. I found out through a friend recently that my boyfriend plans to propose soon, and I am still undecided about whether I want kids. Given this hesitation, how do I know if marrying him would be the right choice?

It sounds to me like your hesitation around never having kids is a bit stronger than you’re letting on, maybe even to yourself. If you could truly go one way or the other when it comes to kids, then you would likely not be seeking guidance about potential future regrets. And when it comes to extreme compatibility, alignment on whether or not to start a family is probably number one on the list.

You mention that financial woes, one of the biggest hurdles to family formation, are not an issue for the two of you. What, then, is the problem? And why enter into a lifelong union when one of you is unsure about one of the most important decisions two people could ever make? You need to have serious discussions with your boyfriend before marriage and, ideally, before getting engaged. Sometimes people in their twenties say they don’t want kids when what they mean is they don’t want kids right now. Although you still have plenty of time, the reality of biology is that your window to have kids is shorter than his, and what you don’t want is to end up in a situation where he wakes up one day and decides he does want kids after all, but at that point, you may not be able to have them.

It’s time to start asking your boyfriend some questions, even hypothetical ones. Let’s say you did get pregnant — what would his reaction be? If the reaction would be negative when you’re secretly hoping it would be positive, it may be time to look for a new boyfriend. I hear running clubs are the new dating apps.

I’m a guy with a stutter and wonder how I should navigate it. I hold a conversation at a reasonable pace, but it’s definitely noticeable. I know that having a solid, calm voice is a big part of the attraction for women. Is there anything beyond disclosing it that I should be doing?

One of the most famous male sex symbols of all time, Elvis Presley, had a stutter. The current president of the United States has a stutter (although maybe don’t take too much inspiration from the latter). As far as limitations, a stutter is not the end of the world.

Try to manage the stutter as best you can, but don’t let it define your dating life. When you talk about “disclosing” having a stutter, I assume you are referring to dating apps. I don’t think something like a stutter warrants any kind of disclosure. They’ll figure it out anyway when they meet you, and hopefully, by then you’ll charm them to the point where they either won’t notice or care. The important thing to know about women is that if we like you, we will simply reinterpret any idiosyncratic behavior as adorable.

Focus on the things that are within your control: work out, wear clothing that flatters you, and be a great conversationalist. If your stutter really prevents you from being a great conversationalist, then position yourself as a great listener. If there’s one thing women absolutely love, it’s talking about ourselves. Any man who lets a woman talk endlessly is a man who will never end up alone. Besides, if we ever want to take a timeout from talking to listen to a solid, calm voice that puts us to sleep, we can always turn on NPR.

My boyfriend’s natural smell has never enticed me. What does this mean?

I am a firm believer in pheromones and that any romantic partner should pass the smell test. It’s nature’s way of telling you who is a suitable genetic match for creating offspring. Ideally, you should really like the natural scent of the man you are dating, or at the very least, you should react neutrally. You should not have to hold your nose like you’re walking through a tent city around him.

If you are taking hormonal contraceptives, it is worth considering whether they are affecting the way you perceive your boyfriend’s natural scent. Studies have shown that taking birth control can interfere with a woman’s ability to discern pheromones and result in women becoming attracted to a different type of man than they would be otherwise.

If this is not the case, however, and you simply do not like the way your boyfriend smells without a veil of endocrine disruptors masking his natural musk, then maybe your body is trying to tell you something. The nose always knows.

I am in my mid-thirties, classically handsome, smart, rich, successful, and with no obvious signs of mental illness. However, I can take in people's worst fears and greatest desires and commune with all spiritual entities as easily as having a chat with someone on the street. Of course, it's nice to have a self-mythology, especially one that is based on firsthand sensory experience and makes sense to me, but this is such a big part of who I am, and I can't share it with people, which is lonely. Indeed, if I try, they start acting bizarre and way out of proportion to what I share. This means I can observe and love but barely be loved in return except by what you might call God and the other person's unconscious. Any advice?

“No obvious signs of mental illness” is doing the heavy lifting in your inquiry. I think you should listen to the nice men in white uniforms when they tell you that you need to be taking your meds every day or else you’ll end up in the room with the padded walls again.

Want to leave a tip?

We answer to you. Help keep our content free of advertisers and big tech censorship by leaving a tip today.
Want to join the conversation?
Already a subscriber?
Circe  Says

Circe Says

minor goddess | submit your questions to my monthly advice column “Circe Says” anonymously here.
@vocalcry →