Dum-Dum-Dumbing America’s Children

Once upon a time, in a kingdom of good and decent people, an arrogant and power-hungry Prince became King. With the ink still wet on his coronation papers, he seized control of auto makers to pay off unions, regulated banks to artificially support the stock market, fired up the printing press to crank out worthless paper dollars, and re-branded himself as “Dear Leader.”

But, it wasn’t enough. More than anything, Dear Leader wanted to control the minds of the children so he could own the future of the country.

He needed a strategy, and since he himself lacked adequate critical thinking skills, he ordered the royal advisor to come up with a plan and set it into motion.

And so it came to pass that public school teachers were told to teach their students an “uh, uh, uh” rap-chant that praised Dear Leader’s golden promises for equality and world peace.

Treadwell Elementary School music teacher Ed Murray leads kindergarten students as they dance and sing songs in English and Spanish in Memphis, Tenn. Friday, Jan. 10, 2014. The class is part of Treadwell’s dual language optional program. Parents of Shelby County Schools students wishing to enroll their children in optional programs will have more choices than ever, though the process has become more complicated. (AP Photo/The Commercial Appeal, Brandon Dill)

But, whoopsie! The plan backfired. Instead of creating adoration by the children, it ignited a firestorm amongst moms and dads and grandmothers and grandfathers. Their fury went viral as millions demanded, “Stop your classroom indoctrination agenda. This is a free country. Not North Korea!”

Dear Leader needed an alternative strategy, but couldn’t devise a plan on his own, (as usual). Therefore, he ordered his royal advisor to come up with one.

She thumbed through her dog-eared playbook, Alinsky’s Guide to Political Ploys, and declared, “Here’s a program called Dum-Dum-Dum-Dumb.” It’s absolutely guaranteed to be 100 percent effective.”

The royal advisor read from the book. “This program rewards public school students for just showing up. It stresses equality over individual scholastic achievement. Kindergarteners are taught to redistribute their snacks, lunch boxes, crayons, and nap blankets.”

She smiled and said, “This will make the teacher unions happy, happy, happy since the program doesn’t force teachers to waste classroom time on reading, history, math, or science. It only requires that they help students memorize your magnificent teleprompter speeches.”

Dear Leader grinned from generously-sized ear to generously-sized ear.

President Barack Obama smiles while speaking at Pathways in Technology Early College High School (P-TECH) in Brooklyn borough of New York, Friday, Oct. 25, 2013, where he highlighted the importance of education in providing skills for American workers in a global economy. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak) 

The royal adviser continued, “The result, within 20 years, will be millions of uneducated A-dolts, totally dependent on your generous handouts of food, shelter, cell phones, birth control, and health care.”

Dear Leader frowned. “Twenty years? But, I want them now!”

“Be patient, Dear Leader. It takes a generation or two to dis-educate the majority of children. Most likely, you’ll never gain control of them all. Too many parents understand that true education teaches children critical thinking skills instead of focusing on meaningless attendance trophies. They’ll either enroll their children in private charter schools or home school them.”

“How dare they!” sputtered Dear Leader. “Order my IRS Gestapo to investigate and tax charter schools into insolvency. Then order NSA to send names and addresses of obstructionist parents to Homeland Security who will ship ‘um to attitude-adjustment camps.”

The royal adviser cautioned, “Dear Leader, it might be wise to remember that millions of citizens own guns. Since you’ve weakened the military and spread our warriors all over the globe, imprisoning millions of productive, vocal, and gun-totin’ adults could be difficult . . . and quite messy!”

Connecticut gun owners line up to register their weapons. Photo credit: George Roelofson/WTNH. 

Dear Leader threw a royal hissy fit and cursed the day his plan to register legal gun owners (as a first step to confiscation) had failed. He pouted and demanded, “Write an executive order to begin gun registration. I won’t wait for Congress.”

The royal adviser muttered, “in due time, in due time,” and thumbed through the Alinsky book until she reached page 666.

“Ahah! Dear Leader, here’s a more immediate program that focuses on the most vulnerable children (of all ages) who live in poverty, suffer from learning disabilities, and attend failing schools controlled by teacher unions. Sign an executive order that declares these children to be 100 percent disabled and therefore eligible for financial aid.”

Dear Leader furrowed his brow and asked, “Why not just hire tutors?”

“Dummkoff,” muttered the royal adviser as she rolled her eyes in disbelief.

[sharequote align=”center”]Effective education teaches children critical thinking instead of giving them attendance trophies.[/sharequote]

“The point is to keep them uneducated. Instead of learning their way out of poverty, the children will surrender to the situation. They’ll continue to fail in school so they can collect disability dollars to put food on the family dinner table. They’ll make the choice of basic survival over education. Then you own them—body, mind, and spirit.”

And so it came to pass that the disability and Dum-Dum-Dum-Dumb programs were blended into one, rotten-to-the-core program called “Common Core.” Many states, struggling to balance school budgets were blinded by Dear Leader’s cash incentives, signed on the dotted line, and adopted the program that would, over the long term, dis-educate America’s children.

And so, who lives happily ever after in this fable? Silly you . . . the political elite, (as usual). They gain control over millions of America’s children who have been forced to choose family over education.

Unless . . . We-the-People step up to the plate, take back control of the Senate in the 2014 congressional elections, and the White House in 2016. This may be our only chance to slam the door on Common Core and return control of education back into the hands of parents and School Boards of Education at state and local levels . . . where it used to be, and where it belongs.

The end. 

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