Donald Trump fans,

Conservatism has a problem.

This problem seems to be metastasizing rapidly, and we’ve seen it manifest itself at numerous points in the last few years. It always goes like this: Some person comes along and says, like, one thing conservatives agree with, and next thing you know he or she is being hailed as the right wing messiah, and all who oppose the new savior must hand over their conservative membership cards and be cast out into the desert. It doesn’t matter if this savior is dishonest, frivolous, obnoxious, fraudulent, inarticulate, embarrassing, or for that matter profoundly liberal. All they have to do is vaguely plagiarize something conservative pundits and politicians have already said a million times since Sunday, and their status as right wing folk hero will be cemented. Indeed, even the conservatives they plagiarized must now bow or be forsaken.

It needs to stop. Conservatives don’t need another blubbering, narcissistic nitwit making a mockery of their positions. Conservatism doesn’t need Donald Trump.

Conservatives don’t need a blubbering, narcissistic nitwit making a mockery of their positions.

Please. I think it’s unseemly for a man to beg, so I’m not begging, but I’m as close to begging as you can get. I’m pleading. I’m imploring. I’m beseeching. I’m doing other things I could list if I had a thesaurus handy. I am strongly urging you to drop this Donald Trump nonsense. For your own good, friends. For the good of the planet. For the good of the universe itself. Just drop it.

Donald Trump is a fraud. I’d call him a fool, but he’s worse than a fool; he’s a phony who makes fools out of other people. And, no, he’s not making fools out of liberals — trust me, they couldn’t be happier with the guy — he’s making one out of you.

Understand that I’m saying this regardless of what happened this weekend at the Family Leadership Summit. Even if you bend over backwards to rationalize that particular example of arrogant, idiotic Trumpian bull crap — and even if I bought the rationales, which I emphatically do not – I’d still be saying we need to abandon this orange-hued cartoon character on the outskirts of town, drive away, and pretend all of this never happened.

I will say to his credit, however, that I can think of no better mouthpiece for family leadership than a thrice-married celebrity huckster famous for reality TV shows and beauty pageant, and who believes he doesn’t need to ask God’s forgiveness for anything.

But Trump’s remarks weren’t, unfortunately, completely focused on these penetrating spiritual insights, or on his inspiring history as a Christian leader in the culture. He mostly just talked about himself. As usual. Donald Trump strikes me as the dinner guest you never invite back because every question turns into a 17 minute opportunity to brag about himself.

You: “Hey Don, could you pass the salt?”

Donald: “Salt? Let me tell you this about salt: I have a lot of salt at my house. Probably more salt than any yuman being has ever owned. They say too much salt is bad for you, but my doctor tells me I have a very high tolerance for salt. I’m in extraordinary health, you see. That’s probably why I salt my driveway during the winter by myself. Rock salt. It’s very heavy. The bags are yuge. And it’s an enormous driveway. Yuge, I’m telling you. It’s the biggest driveway in the hemisphere, according to Guinness. Speaking of Guinness, I knew the man who invented Guinness. Now, this isn’t Guinness World Records, but Guinness beer. Although, I do have the Guinness world record for biggest driveway, and most salt. By the way, I just remembered that it’s been 4 minutes since the last time I told you about my money. So, I have more money than anyone has ever had. I’m enormously wealthy. I would like to conclude these remarks by just shouting “me” 14 times: ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME. I am the greatest. Good night, America.”

You: “So… Is that a no on passing the salt?”

NEW YORK, NY - OCTOBER 12:  TV Personality Donald Trump attends the 'Celebrity Apprentice All Stars' Season 13 Press Conference at Jack Studios on October 12, 2012 in New York City. Credit: Getty Images

TV Personality Donald Trump attends the ‘Celebrity Apprentice All Stars’ Season 13 Press Conference at Jack Studios on October 12, 2012 in New York City. Credit: Getty Images 

Luckily, amidst the rhetorical self-pleasuring, he did manage to find the time to take a jab at American prisoners of war. In response to John McCain calling Trump’s supporters “crazies,” Trump said McCain is “not a war hero,” and he is only a war hero because he was captured. To uproarious laughter from the crowd of “family values conservatives,” Trump explained that he prefers soldiers who aren’t captured. Presumably, he puts himself in the “uncaptured soldier” category because he bravely eluded the enemy by hiding under the covers in his Ivy League dorm room.

You Trump apologists have gone into conniptions claiming the whole McCain affair has been taken out of context. “No, he said McCain IS a war hero!” OK, yes, and a second before that he said he isn’t. And then he made fun of him for getting captured. And then he said McCain is “perhaps” a war hero.

At best he’s an incoherent buffoon who insulted our veterans and then immediately backed down and tried to pretend he didn’t insult them, which would really put a dent in the “Trump tells it like it is” shtick. If you consider that a preferable “context” — fine. His precise meaning is irrelevant anyway, as the episode was merely a transition between Trump bragging about himself to Trump continuing to brag about himself.

[Disclaimer: I'm not fan of John McCain at all. He is perhaps my least favorite Republican, and believe me, that's really saying something. In fact, I think the man should be in prison. McCain was one of the most passionate advocates in favor of arming and funding Syrian terrorists a few years ago, even traveling over thereto have a nice powwow with future Islamic State militants. I'm the old fashioned sort who thinks arming and funding terrorists is a crime against the nation, even if you're a senator.]

My problem with Donald Trump, then, has nothing to do with John McCain and everything to do with Donald Trump. He’s a hack and a charlatan. And he’s suckered you. To prove just how suckered, you guys came out guns-a-blazing to protect his good name after this latest kerfuffle. The comments under TheBlaze article were dominated by viciously defensive Trump cheerleaders. I myself felt their wrath after I criticized Trump on my Facebook page. I was bombarded by Trump disciples calling me stupid, crazy, a liar, a traitor, a hypocrite, a “RINO,” and a politically correct “liberal” for daring to question their favorite celebrity politician.

A few samples:

Anna: Matt Walsh. YOU LIAR. I am so sick of people like you who have misrepresented what Donald Trump has said. Here is an article by a journalist worthy of the title, Sharyl Attikisson. I expect a full apology from you to Donald Trump. I can’t think of anything bad enough to call you and others like you. You’re either too stupid to analyze a statement correctly or you have colluded with the powers that be in a full out smear campaign against Trump.

Eizabeth: But McCain called us crazies for listening to Trumps speech on immigration…McCain is crazy along with you Matt

Cavalear: Did you not catch the part where Donald called McCain a hero 3+ times? Even after he made that “politicaly incorrect” comment, he said, “AND I BELIEVE perhaps he’s a war hero”, calling him a hero AGAIN. How about you learn to carefully listen next time you RINO.

Cindy: Matt you are still a babe. You don’t have a clue about some things. What is your age?

Pat: Who are you? And what f**ken rock did you crawl out from under? Please go back Matt Walsh.

Offended by Trump aren't we? Well look who's being PC all of a sudden. Just because it now concerns your side? At least…

Posted by Daniel Fletcher on Saturday, July 18, 2015

These were tame compared to the private messages. All in all I counted dozens of people announcing they would never read my work again, and many more theorizing that I’m a deeply embedded liberal double agent hell bent on helping the Democrats win in 2016.

Yes, me. A liberal. I’m a liberal who writes lengthy attacks on Planned Parenthood and abortion, rebuttals of the gay agenda, defenses of Christianity, homeschooling, and parental rights, criticisms of “transgender” propaganda and political correctness, critiques of illegal immigration and the minimum wage, and impassioned rants against, Hillary Clinton, euthanasia, and the liberal racial narrative. In some segments of the conservative movement, all of this means nothing if I deign to besmirch the mighty name of Trump

Like Obama voters in 2008, you have become not proponents of a set of ideas, but advocates for an individual. You are supporters of personality, not policy. This is particularly true in your case, because Trump’s policies are either: A) non-existent, or B) completely anathema to anything that could possibly be considered conservatism.

I can’t even give him credit for being politically incorrect, considering that, other than his mostly surface-level observations about illegal immigration — observations that many, many, many, many, many conservatives have made, in much more thorough terms, many times in the past — he hasn’t really lived up to this reputation. If you take the time to watch his interviews and speeches, you’ll see that he avoids most issues, and when he does choose one to tackle, he does so with the insight, wit, and articulation of a drunken warthog. Often he comes off like an SNL parody of himself, promising recently that he has a foolproof plan for defeating terrorism — but he can’t tell anyone because it’s super secret.

And where was this “politically incorrect” warrior for truth when the Planned Parenthood scandal broke last week? Here’s the nation’s largest abortion mill, funded by tax dollars, caught trafficking in dead baby parts. All of the other Republican candidates denounced the organization, many of them launching investigations, and most calling for Planned Parenthood to be defunded. But Trump? Silence.

I thought this guy is supposed to be out there saying what nobody else will say. Where was he? Where is he? I mean, I know where he is physically. He’s the guy up on stage with the bad tan and stupid hair bragging about his money and his Facebook friends. But where is he on policies and principles? Illegal Mexicans are bringing crime. Got it. Agreed. But what about, like, everything else that’s going on? Anything on that, Trump? Anything?

Well, to be fair, The Donald has on rare occasion given the public a more in depth look at his views. For instance, he wrote a book back in 2000 where he discourses about the need for assault weapons bans, legal abortion, socialized medicine, and higher taxes.

This is your right wing hero, friends. But you shouldn’t be surprised. This is the man who spent the better part of the previous two decades using his money to keep Democrats in power.

He’s given a considerable amount to Republicans as well, but that doesn’t negate or mitigate the hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars this “conservative businessman” gifted to Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, Rahm Emanual, Chuck Schumer, Charles Rangel, and other liberal darlings. He didn’t just vocally support liberal policies prior to his recent foray into Republican politics; he actively worked to empower the progressive tyrants who would enact those policies.

In fact, a look at Trump’s financial activity reveals that he was an especially active Democrat booster during the 2006 midterms; the election that put Reid and Pelosi in power. Meanwhile, Trump has solidified his conservative credentials by coming out, at various points, in favor of eminent domain, bailouts, and executing government whistle blowers.

So, alright, he’s a draft dodging, twice divorced reality star who supports gun control and abortion and corporate welfare, and who donates to Democrats, gives money hand over fist to the Clinton Foundation, and has worked tirelessly for many years to keep the worst sorts of liberals in office. At least, he was all of these things until about four years ago, when he decided to start scamming conservatives.

That all sounds damning, but he’s still rich, right? That has to mean something.

Sure, the fact that he’s rich means that he has a lot of money. Good for him. George Soros is rich. President Obama is rich. Hillary Clinton is rich. Hugh Hefner is rich. Lex Luthor is rich. A lot of people are rich, but that doesn’t mean they should be president. Especially when they’ve got four corporate bankruptcies to their name, and at least a quarter of a billion dollars came from their stint as a reality TV show personality. And that’s to say nothing of the money he made from a failed “private university” that now has him accused of allegedly orchestrating an academic Ponzi scheme.

This last point is worth reflecting on for a moment. I’ve been told that Trump will be immune from special interest because he’s rich and doesn’t care about making more money. This, I assure you, is a preposterous, naive, and laughable claim. Trump has demonstrated time and again that he will do anything to make another buck. Why do you think he donated to all of these Democrats over the years? Either you must admit that he is a liberal and has been forever, or else he’s a conservative who forfeited his principles to empower the likes of Clinton and Pelosi so that his businesses might further profit. I think both are true in some way, but the second option is more damning than the first. You see, not only is Trump susceptible to special interests, he is one. He’s not just corruptible, he’s one of the corruptors.

To quote Chesterton:

You will hear everlastingly that the rich man cannot be bribed. The fact is, of course, that the rich man is bribed; he has been bribed already. That is why he is a rich man.

Chesterton wrote that a hundred years ago, and I’m now convinced he composed it after being plagued with a prophetic nightmare about a future scam artist named Donald Trump.

And if Trump can question a man’s wartime heroism, isn’t it fair to point out that he was born rich? Trump came from wealth and managed to stay wealthy with the help of bankruptcy and reality TV. Nice. Congratulations. But if Trump can prefer soldiers who don’t get captured, I think I’m within my rights to prefer arrogant, haughty, dishonest billionaires who didn’t start off as spoiled, private schooled elites.

That’s just me, though. We all have our preferences. And really, I have a distaste for all arrogant, haughty, dishonest billionaires who want to be president, whether they’re self-made or, like Trump, got a head start from daddy.

Yes, Donald Trump says dumb things, but my issue with him goes much deeper than mere words. My issue is that he’s a spurious liberal swindler with little character, no integrity, no credibility, counterfeit ideas, and a feeble grasp on the issues. He does not deserve your support. He has done nothing for it, except spew a million hollow platitudes into a loudspeaker hoping a certain percentage of them resonate with the disaffected right wing masses. If you think that qualifies a man for the presidency, I don’t know what to tell you.

Yes, I know you are sick of typical politicians who lie and cheat and avoid taking a stand when it matters. I get it. I am too. And that’s exactly why you should be sick of Donald Trump.

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