You're Screwed': Jon Stewart Excoriates Obama's Fundraising Efforts

Jon Stewart dedicated a portion of his show yesterday to the state of fundraising in the presidential campaign, both lambasting the president's recent efforts, and offering his own suggestions.

He began in a somber tone: "[As] you know the presidential election [is] less than five months away.  It's a time when the American people reflect on the state of the nation and the needs of its citizenry, and examine which presidential candidate's policy and temperament would best address these urgent and critical times...So that's our job."

"Their job is to raise as much f**king money as they can get their hands on, and it appears that is going to come down to the wire," he continued, before announcing the "Cash of the Titans" segment with a bang.

Stewart soon flashed to a clip that said the president has already attended more than double the fundraisers President Bush attended during his entire first term, before sarcastically saying: "Yeah, I mean maybe if Obama was running against this cat [John Kerry], he could phone it in, too."

He continued: "Just yesterday, President Obama attended six separate fundraisers...would have been seven but," he laughed, "that would have been a bit much, don't you think?  I mean come on, he's the president.  He does need some down time to...plan tomorrow's fundraisers."

Watch the entire clip, via Comedy Central, below:

From there, Stewart specifically ripped into the president's fundraising initiative with Vogue's editor-in-chief Anna Wintour, the woman who loosely inspired the book The Devil Wears Prada. 

"I'm glad the president is going to be with Anna Wintour," Stewart remarked in an ironic tone, "because if there's two things the American people relate to, it's the devil, and Prada."

He then briefly analyzed the relative numbers thus far, noting, "All Obama [has] to do is six fundraisers a day for the next 22 to 23 days and he matches you!" before relating the news that billionaire casino magnate would also be giving $10 million to Romney.

"Mr. President, you're screwed...You need to think bigger," Stewart said dramatically, panning to a new camera.

"You need to monetize this presidency," he declared, not referring to quantitative easing, but to advertising major products from the presidential platform.

As an example, he began: "There's no reason the next joint session can't be monetized.  Boom," inserting a giant Coca Cola into the recognized image.

Stewart likely didn't think about how Michelle Obama or Mayor Bloomberg would feel about the president drinking more than 16 ounces of of the sugary beverage from the podium, before adding "Fellow Americans!  The next State of the Union is surprisingly refreshing."

"And don't stop there," he continued.  "Remember when you oversaw the killing of Osama bin Laden?  You must have known this photo would go viral.  You had to think of it as an "assas-itunity."

Other ideas included $20 per "get out of class free" note, referring to the little boy who received an excused absence after seeing the president speak, and a soundtrack of short clips of Obama singing.

"Hey, is that Obama rock?" a girl asks in a mock commercial voice.  "It sure is!" her companion responds, flashing to the two popular clips of Obama singing "Let's Stay Together" and "Sweet Home Chicago" over and over.

"Those two song fragments can be yours for just $2,500!"

Stewart concluded: "Mr. President you're a likable guy with a lot of talents...And if you want to remain president, you're going to have to exploit all of them."

(H/T: Mediaite)