Faith

‘This isn’t right’: In viral post, woman explains why she regrets her abortion

Pro-life demonstrators march past the U.S. Capitol and toward the U.S. Supreme Court in January during the 44th annual March for Life in Washington, D.C. A woman took to Twitter on Tuesday to share the reasons why she regrets an abortion she had nearly 30 years ago. (Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty Images)

A woman took to Twitter on Tuesday to share why she regrets an abortion she had nearly 30 years ago.

In a series of tweets that gained a great deal of attention, she said that, in 1989, when she was just 16, she and a friend both suspected they were pregnant, so they went to a Planned Parenthood clinic for pregnancy tests.

The clinic

“My friend and I walk into the clinic. It looks like a regular clinic. The lady asks us at the desk what we want. Pregnancy tests, we both say at the same time,” she wrote, adding that they both paid for their pregnancy tests because Planned Parenthood “is not cheap.” Both tests came back positive.

“My friend is crying. I’m not. I love the father,” she wrote, adding that she believed she and the baby’s father were like Romeo and Juliet.

“My parents have kept us apart, now they can’t,” she explained. “The nurse asks me first what I plan to do. I puff out my chest and say, ‘I’m keeping it.’”

She wrote that the nurse then informed her that the clinic didn’t offer prenatal care. She and her friend then spent the next hour and a half trying to “brainstorm” how they would come up with $400 for her friend’s abortion while they waited for a five-minute consultation with a nurse about the procedure.

The father

She wrote that her baby’s father wasn’t happy to hear her news.

“I rush home, I call the ‘man’ who loves me,” she wrote. “I say ‘we’re pregnant.’ We can be together. He screams in the phone ‘F***, get rid of it.’ Your parents already threatened me with statutory rape charges. This is proof. ‘I don’t want it, and we’re done.’ I’m stunned, but defiant. This is my baby. I can do this. I’m already in love with it. I’ll find [a way].”

Her parents

She wrote that she then turned to her parents, hoping she could “get them on board to support me.” She sat them down and told them the news.

“My father is oddly quiet,” she wrote. “My mother is not.”

Her mother called her an “immature slut” and said she embarrassed her.

“My mom has a way of cutting me down to size, and she’s right,” she wrote. “I’m immature. I thought he loved me, but I already love the baby growing inside of me.”

She then offered to put the baby up for adoption: “My liberal dad snorts, ‘nobody wants a mixed baby. Your baby will languish in foster care. Is that what you want?’ My mother screeches ‘You’re out. You keep the baby, you’re out of this house. In fact, get the f*** out now.’”

She wrote that she left her home and wandered around in the dark for hours asking herself, “How the hell am I going to do this?” She wandered back into her house around 2 a.m and found her mother sitting up waiting for her.

“I guess because you’re back it means you’ll do what I say,” she said her mother told her. She added that her mother’s demeanor had changed and she is “almost giddy.”

“I feel physically ill,” she wrote, adding that her mother told her not to worry, and the procedure would be done at a hospital instead of the “nasty” Planned Parenthood clinic.

The abortion

She was taken to see the doctor before the abortion. “He’s cold,” she wrote, adding that he told her the procedure “will be simple and quick.” He did an ultrasound, but turned the screen away from her.

Three weeks later, she arrived at the hospital for the abortion.

“I am brought into a surgical room and given a pill,” she wrote. “The pill makes everything hazy and unreal. My feet are in the stirrups and my mind is racing over all that’s happening. Then I hear it. It sounds like an evil vacuum. And I feel the pressure. My mind screams, ‘No,’ and then I start to scream ‘No, No, No, No, No, No.’ This isn’t right. This isn’t right. This vacuum is killing. It’s sucking the life out of me. I’m killing my baby. ‘No’ I’m sobbing.”

“The doctor tells me to quiet down, it will be over soon. I don’t. I can’t,” she continued. “I’m killing someone. Not anyone, but MINE. Again, he assures me it will be over soon. Little did I know, the nightmare for me would never be over. The vacuum continues. I feel violated, more violated than when I was raped 2 years earlier. It’s finally over.”

She wrote that she was wheeled out of the room, sobbing and crying out “my baby, my baby, my baby.”

“I know I’m loud,” she wrote, adding a nurse came in and told her to “shut up” and said “You’re disturbing the other patients.”

“Apparently, I don’t deserve the respect of a patient, and I agree,” she wrote. “I’m scum. I’m a murderer.”

She said no one was permitted to see her in recovery, but she had an aunt who worked at the hospital who snuck in.

“She sees my state and holds me while I cry,” she wrote. “To this day, she’s the only liberal family member who is pro-life. I have always wondered if that was the moment for her.”

The hospital sent her home, even though she was “bleeding and cramping.”

“I lay down in the bed [and] let my mother hug me,” she wrote. “The woman who gave me life, but wouldn’t let me.”

Regret

She wrote that nearly 30 years later, the procedure still haunts her.

“‘You were just a kid,’ people tell me,” she wrote. “I wasn’t though, the moment I became pregnant, I was a mom. And [moms] protect their children no matter what. I failed.”

She said that she is reminded every year on the anniversary of the procedure — June 8 — and “every time I heard my kids heartbeat, or even their laughter, that one is missing. One is dead. Because I was given a ‘choice.’ I love you little one, I always will.”

Reaction

The story prompted Twitter users to share their own stories of regret.

(H/T: Catholic Vote)

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