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Billy Bush says he contemplated suicide after the infamous ‘Access Hollywood’ tape scandal. A book by Christian author Rick Warren helped change his life.


What was he thinking?

Photo by George Pimentel/WireImage

Former NBC host Billy Bush says that the aftermath of the release of the famous "Access Hollywood" tape featuring President Donald Trump took a heavy toll on him.

In an interview with The Daily Beast, Bush admitted that thoughts of suicide entered his head after losing his job at NBC's "Today."

What are the details?

The network fired 47-year-old Bush after a tape featuring a lurid discussion between him and President Donald Trump surfaced.

In the recording — which was taken in 2004 — Trump can be heard making crude and vulgar remarks about women and sex.

“Suicidal thoughts pop into your head," Bush told The Daily Beast in an interview published Friday. “I'd never seriously do it—because I have children that matter. But when you're really low — and this is important to include — you're emoting at the most extreme."

"But I'm never ever a serious candidate for that," he elaborated. "I would not, could not do that to those who count on me and love me and need me. Absolutely not."

Bush continued, indicating that anyone who says they would commit suicide likely would not.

“But you think, 'Oh, I would do it!' No, no you won't," he insisted. "But you're upset. Look, everybody has something. Everybody has something that is really, really deeply upsetting. And if you haven't, you will. That's for sure. And I may have something again. I hope I'm conditioned to take a deep breath, acknowledge the feelings, and know that they're not here to stay."

He told the outlet that he entered a downward spiral of drinking and depression.

"Yeah, at the beginning, it was numb, numb, numb," the former host said. "I'm trying to figure out life, and I think I've gotten pretty close — that life is lived in the middle. I have been really high in life, and I've been really low now. Really low — like all the way low."

Bush complained that even as recent as Christmas 2018, he felt "lost and abandoned."

"Kinda like, 'Where's my industry? Where's my life? What am I doing here?'" he recalled. He said that a book changed his perspective entirely.

"It was Christmas Eve. And I ended up reading a book called 'The Purpose of Christmas' by Rick Warren," he continued. "And I felt this unbelievably overpowering presence come over me. And it took me from the deepest feelings of despair to a warm glow of everything's gonna be just fine. A very powerful moment. And I won't forget it."

Bush is now the new anchor and managing editor of "Extra" on Fox. The new season is set for a Monday premiere.

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