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Deace: If the moon landing was problematic, what other human achievements need to be re-written?

Caroline Brehman/CQ Roll Call

I've been around this politics thing for a while now. I've Seen a lot of things.

Crazy things.

But increasingly I find myself simpatico with old Han Solo from "The Force Awakens" when his ship is in the process of being eaten by a large ball of puss:

"This is not how I thought this day was going to go."

But like Han Solo, I remain undaunted. You gotta dance with the girl that brung ya, and this girl is whack. For example, I didn't expect to wake up earlier this week and find out that the moon landing was sexist but the Russian space program was woke before woke was woke, yet here we are.

Especially when dudes like Sohrab Ahmari are bringing it like this:

"Liberals: Trump is the Kremlin's Manchurian candidate. Also liberals: Communist Russia was a beacon of diversity and proto-intersectionality."

He is the wind beneath my wings. So here, without any further need to tether ourselves to sanity, are the other so-called success stories from history or potential so-called success stories from the future that we shouldn't even bother with.

Because your progressive inner child can't thrive without making sure the rest of us suffer. That much is absolutely clear by now.

1) Don't win WWII.

When it's a moral imperative that you beat the tyrant Donald Trump, it's best to proceed to the antidote that never allows him to exist as a possibility in the first place.

Suddenly, Hitler isn't such a buzzkill and speaking German has a liberating ring to it. Not to mention that Ilhan Omar doesn't even have to worry about those pesky Jews, if that whole Final Solution thing has a chance to get followed through to the very end.

Kind of sucks that those boys on Omaha Beach had to try so hard. Had they only known about Trump, perhaps they would have rerouted those Higgins boats and stayed on the right side of history instead of taking those bullets.

2) Don't put an end to sex trafficking of minors.

I mean, aren't we really being a bunch of squares about that? After all, those gay marriages didn't really change anything just like everybody promised.

Except for who gets to use which bathroom. And women's athletics. And how you can run your own business. And whether nuns are slutty enough.

So who knows what grand horizons in the land of "My Truth" we have yet to explore, if only we get over our hang ups about illegal aliens stealing little girls and get busy selling them for duty on the S.S. Desmond Is Amazing.

We could even tax the hell out of it, too! Deficit solved! It's time we get serious about this like Planned Parenthood. If they are going to kill more babies in the name of transgenderism, I don't think it's too much to ask the child sex slaves we permit to be born start carrying their share of the load.

3) Don't read "Letters from a Birmingham Jail" or watch "I have a dream" speech.

That's enough God talk from you uppity whiners who don't know your place as the permanent property of the Democrat party. And if I have to explain the needless value of the content of your character one more time while shackling you to the color of your skin until you believe American flags and Star Lord are racist, I just don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

Can't believe a whole MLK Jr. holiday actually seemed like it was a good thing once upon a time. You can't promote victimology if self respect is in your vocabulary, not to mention that actual martyrdom and a perpetual date with the month of February was way too easy an out for that guy.

He wasn't cool like the gals from the Squad, who endured the hardship of being elected to public office and getting to share their ideas without having dogs and firehouses aimed at them. Trying walking in their shoes.

I mean, duh.

We hold these untruths to be self evident.

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