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Op-ed

The GOP has mastered being the party of nothing

If 'Seinfeld' were a political party...

Madeline Gray/Bloomberg via Getty Images

“It's a show about nothing." — George Costanza, "Seinfeld"

That's the GOP for ya. And many of its members wouldn't have it any other way.

This isn't cynicism. It's just reality. "Seinfeld" was so much about nothing that it spoofed its dedication to nothing by developing a sitcom about nothing within the sitcom about nothing. It wanted you to be absolutely aware that you were naval-gazing for your amusement. In fact, its last episode was a brilliant final homage to the show's nothingness, when it landed all of its main characters in jail for their obsession with nothing over all else.

People laughed and laughed and laughed while making Jerry Seinfeld and crew multimillionaires. He was the Russian nesting doll of nothing. Open one up and, Yes!, endlessly more nothing. You could count on him. Just like you can count on the GOP — for absolutely nothing.

Because nothing is selling like hotcakes in the Republican Party's Trump reboot. Sure, I know you've been told that it's racism or fascism or sexism that is captain of the ship, but those falsehoods only add to the allure of the nothingism that is really flying off the shelf. You feel compelled to defend whatever the nothing is so that you can do your part to defeat those who make such claims. You will make naval-gazing great again.

Just ask Mitch McConnell how this all works. He's secret-handshaking himself around Washington, D.C., right now with the literal sales pitch that no Republican president was ever voted out of office for spending too much money. Yes, the Senate leader of the party of smaller government and fiscal responsibility said that. Then Rush Limbaugh called Trump a genius for believing McConnell and cutting the kind of “deal" that Trump himself said he would never cut again several budgets ago.

That's some beautiful nothing right there to add to an endless harmony of nothing.

Overturn Obamacare? Nothing.

Build the wall and secure the border? Nothing.

Defund Planned Parenthood? Nothing.

The GOP is a masterpiece of nothing.

Get the right audience, though, and you are set for life with that act. Because nothing is better than Hillary, right? Nothing is just whatever the doctor ordered. Even if you ordered conservatism instead. This is no time to quibble about small details like that. Just shut up and enjoy your nothing. Otherwise, you'll get nothing and have to settle for that.

Heck, I even voted for nothing in the 2018 midterms, but clearly just to buy some time for even more excellent nothing. That was awesome. I'm still laughing at myself for that one. Nothing is a real knee-slapper.

All the dope memes say so. It gets the clicks, yo. We're owning the libs, y'all, albeit for nothing. The Tea Party decimated the Democratic Party nationwide to its lowest levels in national elected office since before the Great Depression, but except for lining the pockets of the grifters who co-opted its brand it got for that exactly nothing.

Aw, heck, we did get something come to think of it. "Conservatism" is currently promoting a mentally ill person as a "conservative trans woman" in my social media feed as we speak. Except there is no such thing. You're either male or female. There is nothing else.

And nothing else will be what's left of us if the GOP is what's standing between us and what the left has in store for America.

One last thing…
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