Dear President Obama, Lord, Sultan, Emperor, Pharaoh, Caesar, God-king, Prince of the Americas, whatever we’re supposed to call you. ‘President’ alone simply won’t suffice, will it, Your Grace? We had a thing called a president once, but that lowly office could scarcely contain your Majesty. You found that you couldn’t effectively govern while constrained by the rule of law, so you superseded it, just as you’ve done countless times before. This time you are waving your mighty scepter and magically granting defacto citizenship to millions of illegal aliens.

Incredibly, even after all of the scandals, corruption, lies, and deceits; even after this past week when we learned about the depth of your Obamacare deception; even after using the IRS to target your political opponents; even after letting your ambassador die in Benghazi and lying about it afterwards; even after dividing the nation and exploiting racial tensions for your own gain; even after six years of incompetence, dishonesty, conspiracy, and illegality; even after every law you’ve flouted, promise you’ve broken, and lie you’ve told, you still found a way to top yourself. In refusing to enforce our borders and uphold our immigration laws, you are now guilty of the most profound presidential power grab since Abraham Lincoln. This is a landmark moment, and I’m sure you’re proud of that fact.

Before you ascended to your Throne on High, you were allegedly a constitutional law professor, so I’m sure you’re quite familiar with Article II of the United States Constitution. This fascinating document details the powers of the Executive Branch, but conspicuously does not grant said branch the legal ability to formulate immigration policy through Presidential decree, and also does not vest in one man the monarchical authority to decide which laws will be enforced and which will be ignored based upon nothing more than the president’s political calculations.

Article 11 is the law. It’s real. It means something. It’s part of a system, Your Highness. A carefully constructed system meant to check the authority of one branch and balance it against the enumerated powers of the other two branches. It’s this system, this delicate balance of powers and responsibilities, that keeps our society free, my King. Without it, there is no law, there is no liberty, and we fall head first into anarchy, monarchy, oligarchy, or some other -archy.

But you know this. It’s the whole point, isn’t it, Your Holiness?

That’s what your followers don’t seem to understand, maybe because they’re too stupid — as your friend Gruber theorized — or maybe because they’re just naive. Either way, they think this amnesty plan is about being ‘compassionate’ towards illegal aliens. It’s kind of cute, really. They look through their rose-colored glasses at the naked despotism of your administration and see a well meaning tyrant who’s just trying to help those poor foreigners find a home. The fact that you’re suddenly acquiring 5 million new Democrat voters and dramatically expanding the scope of your own authority in the process is just, in their feeble minds, an incidental byproduct of your magnanimity.

I’m sure you get quite a laugh when you think about how easy this is. Man, it’s like candy from a baby — or in this case, constitutional authority from Congress. You hit all the right notes to get the lemmings to cooperate. I watched that speech last night. It was a master class in obfuscation, false dichotomy, and deflection.

Without so much as a smirk, you claimed that Republicans refused to take ‘meaningful action’ on immigration, even though you had majorities in the House and Senate when you entered office and it was your own party who declined to address the issue. They could have passed any immigration bill they wanted, but they didn’t because they had a reelection to worry about, as did you. So you wait until the Republicans are about to be in control and you figure now is the perfect time to flood the job market with five million new workers, betraying your middle class constituency and blaming Republicans all the while.

Incredible. Absolutely incredible.

And, with no hint of irony, you attack Republicans for claiming you have no authority to act unilaterally on immigration, failing to mention that YOU have previously insisted TWENTY FIVE TIMES that you have no authority to act unilaterally on immigration. In just one example, you said, and I quote, “With respect to the notion that I can just suspend deportations through executive order — that’s just not the case.” A man more naïve than myself may have hoped to hear you address this blatant contradiction, but I knew better, my Lordship.

I did expect you to pull out the ‘prosecutorial discretion’ card. It’s an effective tactic, I’ll admit. Indeed, you do have the authority to prioritize deportations and even the authority to refuse to deport certain individuals. But sitting back and announcing that you won’t deport anyone who falls under whatever arbitrary guidelines you’ve set is a clear abdication of duty. Besides, prosecutorial discretion doesn’t give you the power to grant legal benefits or documentation of any kind to illegal aliens. That is, without a doubt, the sole responsibility of the legislative branch. Obviously.

And what about this notion that Republican presidents have issued similar executive orders? A remarkably brazen lie considering only a five second Google search debunks it, but you largely get away with it because it makes for a convenient talking point. As you know, Reagan and Bush wrote executive orders meant to enact and implement immigration policies legislated by Congress. You, on the other hand, have handed blanket amnesty to millions of illegal aliens directly in defiance of the legislative branch. You said so yourself. You’re only acting ‘because [the Democrat] Congress failed to act.’

Except that’s not how this works, Dear Leader. That’s not how a government with three branches works. Or that’s not how it’s supposed to work, anyway.

And that brings me to the most important point.

I won’t waste my time telling you that your amnesty initiative is a slap in the face to all legal immigrants who followed the process and waited in line. I know you don’t care.

And I won’t bother reminding you that overwhelming the job market with 5 million low skilled third world aliens has no chance of having anything but a detrimental impact on the working class in America. Wealthy metropolitan liberal elites might applaud because it makes them feel like they have a conscience, but middle class citizens aren’t jumping for joy over this. They have their own families to feed, so excuse them for feeling profoundly unmoved by your anecdote last night about the illegal immigrant student who’s working on her third college degree. In fact, someone should tell her that one college degree is often a waste of money nowadays. Three is just grotesque.

And I certainly won’t hit you with a sermon about ‘national sovereignty.’ I don’t think a left wing politician has even used that phrase since the 1800s.

And I absolutely won’t respond to the Bible quotes from your speech by throwing verses at you that explicitly denounce breaking the law and lying, which you did last night, yesterday, and every day before that.

But I will ask you whether you ever considered your own daughters in all of this? It’s not that they’ll necessarily feel the devastating economic and social impact of your suicidal decision to open our borders to the third world — they are from a wealthy and powerful family so they will likely remain insulated. But, Oh Caesar, your kids are still citizens of these United States, and that is supposed to mean something. It’s supposed to mean that they enjoy the advantages of living in a free country ruled not by one man, but governed justly and prudently by those duly elected by the people and divided into branches to check and balance each other. It’s supposed to mean that they will never be subject to the whims of one single egomaniac who sits in a big white house. It’s supposed to mean that they are always protected, by the separation of powers, from tyranny and despotism.

You have stolen that from them, Oh Noble One. From your own children. You have seen to it that your daughters will be less free than you were, and will grow up in a country less democratic and more dictatorial than you did. You benefited from the liberties our nation afforded you, and have now stripped them from the rest of us, including your children.

You see, Congress is elected by the people to represent our interests. Congress didn’t, couldn’t, and wouldn’t pass amnesty because the people don’t want it. It’s our nation, Sultan. Congress gets a say because we get a say. That’s the whole crux of this ‘free country’ thing. You have taken that from us, and ‘us’ involves your daughters, my Ruler.

This is a precedent, Oh Supreme President. Who knows where it leads? Maybe the next Republican president will follow your example and dismantle Obamacare through executive order, or enact abortion restrictions, or manipulate the tax code. The possibilities are endless. By this time twenty or thirty years from now, maybe we won’t even have a Congress. I don’t really see the point if their only function is, as you seem to think, to pass ceremonial legislation endorsing actions already taken by the Executive Branch.

So don’t feel that you have to explain yourself to me. Explain yourself to your daughters. Look them in the eye and tell them why Daddy decided politics are more important than the rule of law, the Constitution, and consent of the governed. Tell them why Pops gets to go around telling everyone he isn’t legally permitted to do something, only to turn around and do that exact thing.

Tell them why the very foundation of our governmental structure had to be subverted for the sake of sucking up to your party’s Latino constituency.

Go ahead. Tell them.

It’ll be a difficult conversation, but you can handle it.

Just make sure to bring your teleprompter.

Long Live the King.