Turkey-hater's delight: 6 historic Thanksgiving substitutes

This Thanksgiving, consider the poor turkey. Is there any animal we consume with less gusto?

It has become something of annual tradition to denigrate the day's traditional fare. Nearly 35% of Americans claim turkey is their least favorite part of the feast, according to one recent survey.

This vintage Better Homes and Gardens recipe is a bit of a cheat, as it does use turkey — although not in any form you're likely to recognize

The internet just stokes the hatred. Every year the same tiresome "contrarian" opinions: "Stop pretending you like turkey. It's no good on Thanksgiving, or any other day."

Even celebrity chefs can't resist punching down. "Turkey is wildly overrated," says restaurateur David Chang.

"The only reason to cook the turkey is to get the gravy, and then you can just give the turkey away."

We must admit that turkey-haters have a point. Yes, turkey meat can be dry and flavorless (although brining is a dependable way to avoid that). And yes, the tradition of eating turkey — and most Thanksgiving foods — was essentially created by advertising in the early 20th century. (College freshman home for fall break voice: "It's all a scam by Big Cranberry!")

While we're content to stick with the standard flightless fowl, there were plenty of other contenders in the great battle for the Thanksgiving table. As a service, we provide the following recipes for anyone wanting to change it up.

1. Roast eel (1621)

Among the meats served at the first Thanksgiving in Plymouth would surely have been this vital freshwater food source. The 1622 promotional pamphlet for the Plymouth colony "Mourt's Relation" describes how the Wampanoag native Tisquantum (better known as Squanto) taught the Pilgrims to catch the slippery, succulent treats.

Tisquantum went at noon to fish for Eels, at night he came home with as many as he could well lift in one hand, which our people were glad of, they were fat & sweet, he trod them out with his feet, and so caught them with his hands, without any other Instrument.

Here's how they might have prepared it:

Ingredients

• 2 lbs cleaned freshwater eel
• Salt, splash of vinegar
• Sage or bay, butter

Instructions

1. Soak eel 30 minutes in salt water and vinegar.
2. Dry; rub with salt and herbs.
3. Split a roasting stick down the middle, coil eel around stick.
4. Roast over open fire 20-25 min.
5. Baste with butter.

2. Roast swan (17th-18th centuries)

Long a favorite of European royals (peasants were forbidden to hunt them), swan was plentiful in the New World and was most likely one of the waterfowl consumed at the first Thanksgiving.

Here's a recipe from Hannah Woolley’s "The Queen-like Closet," (1670) a cookbook that later colonists would have had in their kitchens:

To bake a Swan.
Scald it and take out the bones, and parboil it, then season it very well with Pepper, Salt and Ginger, then lard it, and put it in a deep Coffin of Rye Paste with store of Butter, close it and bake it very well, and when it is baked, fill up the Vent-hole with melted Butter, and so keep it; serve it in as you do the Beef-Pie.

For something more elaborate, here's a preparation from the late 14th century cookbook “Le Menagier de Paris”:

Pluck like a chicken or goose, scald, or boil; spit, skewer in four places, and roast with all its feet and beak, and leave the head unplucked; and eat with yellow pepper.

Item, if you wish, it may be gilded.

Item, when you kill it, you should split its head down to the shoulders.

Item, sometimes they are skinned and reclothed.

RECLOTHED SWAN in its skin with all the feathers. Take it and split it between the shoulders, and cut it along the stomach: then take off the skin from the neck cut at the shoulders, holding the body by the feet; then put it on the spit, and skewer it and gild it. And when it is cooked, it must be reclothed in its skin, and let the neck be nice and straight or flat; and let it be eaten with yellow pepper.

3. Passenger pigeon pie (1700s)

Though extinct for more than a century, passenger pigeons were once as abundant as the kind you see fouling statues in urban parks. While we wouldn't recommend eating those birds, Cornish game hen or squab make a decent substitute.

Mock-passenger pigeon pie:

Ingredients

• 2 Cornish game hens (substitute for extinct passenger pigeons)
• 1 onion, quartered
• 2 tbsp butter
• 2 tbsp flour
• 1-1½ cups chicken or turkey stock
• Salt and pepper, to taste
• 1 tsp dried thyme
• Double pie crust (bottom + top crust)

Instructions

1. Prepare the meat

1. Simmer game hens with the onion until fully cooked and tender.
2. Remove hens; pick the meat from the bones.
3. Place shredded meat in a bowl.

2. Make the gravy

1. Melt butter in a pan.
2. Add flour and cook until lightly browned.
3. Stir in stock to form a smooth gravy.
4. Season with salt, pepper, and thyme.
5. Simmer until slightly thickened.

3. Assemble the pie

1. Line a pie dish with bottom crust.
2. Add shredded meat.
3. Pour warm gravy over the meat.
4. Cover with top crust and seal edges.
5. Cut a small vent in the center.

4. Bake

Outdoor Dutch oven method (historical):

• Preheat Dutch oven with coals above and below.
• Elevate pie pan inside the Dutch oven on metal hooks or a trivet.
• Bake ~10-20 minutes, checking frequently to avoid burning.

Modern oven method:

• Bake at 375°F for 35-45 minutes, until crust is golden.

5. Serve. Let cool slightly before slicing.

4. Sautéed calf's brains with mushrooms, sour cream, and dill

In 1904, railroad heir George Vanderbilt and his wife, Edith, hosted a lavish Thanksgiving at their Asheville estate, Biltmore. Turkey was on the menu — but so were calf's brains. Here's one preparation that guarantees a delicate, custardy mouthfeel:

Ingredients

• 1 lb brains (veal, pork, or lamb)
• Water for soaking
• Salt (for poaching water)
• 2 tbsp butter
• 1 cup sliced white mushrooms
• 2-3 tbsp sour cream
• 1-2 tbsp fresh dill, minced
• Toasted bread, for serving

Instructions

1. Prep the brains

1. Soak brains overnight in cold water to remove blood pockets.
2. Drain.
3. Poach gently in salted water (bare simmer) for 10-15 minutes until firm.
4. Cool slightly, then peel off the thin outer membrane.
5. Cut brains into bite-size pieces.

2. Cook the mushrooms

1. In a skillet, melt butter over medium heat.
2. Add mushrooms and sauté until they release their juices and the butter turns lightly browned and nutty.

3. Add the brains

1. Add chopped brains to the skillet.
2. Toss gently with the mushrooms and browned butter for 1-2 minutes.

4. Finish the sauce

1. Remove skillet from heat.
2. Stir in sour cream to form a loose sauce.
3. Add minced dill.
4. Adjust salt if needed.

5. Serve. Spoon the mixture over warm toast. Serve immediately.

5. Celery au naturel (late 1800s-early 1900s)

Now the most unwanted vegetable on the crudite platter, this Bloody Mary garnish was a highly coveted status symbol of the Gilded Age (it was hard to grow). Everyone will want the recipe.

Ingredients

• 1 bunch crisp celery
• Cold water
• Ice cubes (optional)
• Salt (for serving, optional)

Instructions

1. Trim the celery

1. Cut off the root end.
2. Remove tough outer stalks if desired.
3. Trim leafy tops to a neat fan.

2. Refresh the stalks

1. Place celery in a bowl of cold water (add ice for extra crispness).
2. Chill 15-30 minutes.

3. Present with appropriate ceremony

1. Stand stalks upright in a tall glass, vase, or celery jar.
2. Arrange so the tops flare elegantly.

4. Serve. Place the celery in the center of the table. Offer a pinch dish of salt on the side.

Note: In the late 19th century, this was considered a showpiece delicacy. Your guests are encouraged to admire its beauty before eating it exactly as it is.

6. Turkey lime molded salad (1969)

This vintage Better Homes and Gardens recipe is a bit of a cheat, as it does use turkey — although not in any form you're likely to recognize.

Ingredients

• 2 packages (3 oz each) lime-flavored gelatin
• ¼ tsp salt
• 2 cups boiling water
• ½ cup cold water
• 1 (7 oz) bottle ginger ale
• 2 cups diced cooked turkey
• 1 cup sour cream
• ¼ tsp ground ginger
• 1 (16 oz) can pears, drained and diced
• 6½-cup gelatin mold

Instructions

1. Make the gelatin base

• Dissolve lime gelatin and salt in 2 cups boiling water.
• Add ginger ale and ½ cup cold water.
• Chill until partially set.

2. Prepare the turkey layer

• Fold diced turkey into the partially set gelatin.
• Pour into a 6½-cup mold.
• Chill until almost firm.

3. Prepare the sour cream-pear layer

• Beat sour cream, ground ginger, and ½–1 cup of the remaining unset gelatin until smooth.
• Chill until partially set.
• Fold in diced pears.

4. Add second layer

• Spoon the pear-sour cream mixture over the firm turkey layer.
• Chill until completely set.

5. Unmold and serve

• Dip mold briefly in warm water.
• Invert onto a serving platter.
• Lift mold carefully to reveal two layers.