Treasure Trove' of Al-Qaeda Documents Found in...Pornographic Video

Just when you thought you had al-Qaeda all figured out-- certain that they are a bunch of hardline extremists who shun seeing a woman’s ankles-- they go and surprise you once again.

What did they do this time?  They encoded some of their most important secrets in a pornographic video.

According to CNN, a porn film called “Kick A*s” was found on a memory card in the underwear of an al-Qaeda recruit who was detained in Germany after showing up on a terrorist watch list.

After weeks of investigation by cryptologists, the Germans have found more than 100 invaluable al-Qaeda documents on the drive in files marked “Lessons Learned,” “Future Plans,” and “Sexy Tanja,” among others.

US officials are calling the discovery a “treasure trove” of information. The files include terrorist training manuals in German, English, and Arabic, reflections on past attacks, and plans, for instance, to hijack a European cruise ship.

The plan would, most likely, include executing passengers in an effort to pressure international governments to release prisoners and, for some reason, making passengers dress up in orange jumpsuits in a reference to Guantanamo Bay.

Maqsood Lodin, the man in whose underwear the video was found, is pleading "not guilty" to terrorism charges in Berlin.  However, prosecutors believe that Lodin and the man with whom he was traveling were sent to Europe to recruit a network of suicide bombers.

The plan for a European network of suicide bombers follows with what the decrypted material indicates-- that al-Qaeda is likely to start embracing a “twin track” strategy of combining low-cost, low-risk attacks like that in France last month, where lone gunman starting shooting children, with high-profile attacks like 9/11.

"I believe that the general idea is still alive and I believe that as soon as al-Qaeda has the capacities to go after that scenario, they will immediately do it," Yassin Musharbash, the investigative journalist who broke the story, remarked.

And now some are left wondering—while everyone was mocking the fact that Osama bin Laden was found with an “extensive” porn stash in his Pakistan hideout, should we really have been investigating those videos?