How to Get Drunk Under Obamacare

When the Obamacare decision was handed down yesterday, we know many of our writers wanted to immediately rush for the bottle and start drinking sweet alcohol until the pain of being so close and yet so far from victory passed in a blissful haze. But unfortunately, we weren't sure which bottle to use, or whether any cocktail could even taste good in the aftermath of that decision.

Well, now our problems have been solved. Tristyn Bloom at Eschatological Psychosis has put together a truly hilarious list of drinks you can mix now that the Obamacare decision has been handed down, and all with an Obamacare-relevant theme. Some highlights follow:

The ACA-Tax

Because some types of inactivity are party fouls.

• 1.5oz Fleischmann's* vodka, warm

Offer to everyone, force those who don't empty their shooters to pay.

*Other bottom shelf vodkas such as Dubra, Popov, and Poland Spring may be substituted. Embarrassing American attempts to imitate Swedish brands preferred. The truly daring and/or spiteful may use Malört.

The Marbury v Madison Twist

It'll get you drunk, but not in the way you'd hoped-- and the strength of your liver will never be the same.

• 1.5oz tequila
• 1.5oz gin
• 1 oz club soda
• 1/2 oz lime juice

Shake over ice, garnish with lime spiral, run in the opposite direction.

The Chief Justice

This foxy number isn't easy to read.

• 1oz sweet vermouth
• 1oz dry vermouth
• dash Fee's Old Fashion bitters

Shake vermouths separately to chill, mix in glass, top with bitters, drink til you're sure that Roberts privileged judicial restraint over a solid originalist reading-- or that he championed dual sovereignty by succumbing to judicial activism-- or...[...]

The Commerce Clause