Remind me again, why does the White House need a chief calligrapher?

The White House may no longer offer public tours because of "the sequester," but it will still employ three professional calligraphers for a yearly total of $277,050.  That's some expensive handwritin'.

(Image: White House History)

I'm a traditionalist who appreciates pomp & circumstance and I enjoy fancy penmanship as much as the next girl, but I couldn't help but wonder why we pay a single person more than $95,000/year to do this job.  Here's my simple budget solution: Send Valerie Jarrett over to the local Hobby Lobby store, have her meander a bit around the art supplies section and ask for volunteers.  Boom: Problem solved.

Fun fact: When I worked as an intern in the Bush White House, we recruited volunteers with good handwriting to make out invitations to the vice president's Christmas parties.  (Yeah, Chief Justice John Roberts -- that invitation was addressed by ME.)

Allow me to leave you with this question to ponder: If President Obama can use an Autopen machine to sign important legislation into law, why can't we use one for calligraphy? 

Bonus: Since Michelle, Sasha and Malia Obama are all staying at the White House rent free, why don't we just recruit them to be tour guides?  Man, I am just FULL of solutions today.