Remember Julia -- President Obama's ode to a life of government dependency? Well, she's back... sort of.
In today's Goldberg File, the National Review's Jonah Goldberg suggests that Democrats replace Julia's love for all things Obama with a new story of disdain for Republicans and how the government shutdown is ruining her life.
What would that look like? Jonah imagines the possibilities:
Under the Shutdown: Julia's father goes off to forage for supplies. But he makes too much noise while trying to smash up a grand piano for firewood and is caught by a pack of cannibalistic former air-traffic controllers. Days later, all Julia finds of her father is a single bloody foot.
Under the Shutdown: On Julia's ninth birthday, her mother gives her a boomerang with a razor-sharp edge. Later, when a band of nomads surrounds her compound Ed Schultz tries to catch it and loses his fingers.
Under the Shutdown: At the age of 17, Julia is told that under President Obama she would have been preparing to take her SATs this week. Julia barely looks up from the campfire, shrugs, and returns to sharpening the tip of a spear made from an old Jiffy Lube flagpole.
Under the Shutdown: When Julia turns 21 she feels secure for the first time in her hard life when she joins a snake cult run out of the old Toledo Mud Hens stadium. (Sad side note: When they try to bathe her feral child in the ceremonial baths, the urchin hisses, and runs away, never to be heard from again.)
It'd be like Julia's Hunger Games. I like it.