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Guess Which Comedy Central Host Eviscerated Common Core


"It's going to come in handy...when you have to leave post-it notes about yogurt etiquette in the break-room fridge."


Comedian Stephen Colbert eviscerated Common Core Tuesday night, quipping that the controversial nationwide education standards may actually prepare children for adulthood by creating "pointless stress and confusion."

"If you've been following the news and know what's been going on in this nation, it is no secret that Barack Obama wants to indoctrinate our students with his socialist agenda," Colbert said. "I've even heard disturbing rumors that kindergartners are being forced to share."

From there, the host of Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report" transitioned into a comedic critique of Common Core, noting that he has "long opposed" the uniform education standards.

FILE - In this Oct. 13, 2013 file photo, Stephen Colbert delivers the keynote address during the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner, a charity gala organized by the Archdiocese of New York, at the Waldorf-Astoria hotel in New York. (AP Photo/Jason DeCrow, file)

"No way mister, different states have different values," he said. "I don't want my kids ending up in Colorado's drug education course, which classifies weed as a condiment."

He then went on to provide confusing examples of questions that are Common Core aligned.

Here's the first example:

Image source: Comedy Central Image source: Comedy Central

"That's a great question. It teaches two important workplace skills. Math and passive aggressive note writing," Colbert said after presenting it on screen. "It's going to come in handy...when you have to leave post-it notes about yogurt etiquette in the break-room fridge."

And he wasn't done there.

Colbert also presented another confusing math problem and the now-viral response that was written by a 7-year-old student from California.

Rather than following the question's complicated directions, the child wrote that he figured out the answer by simply relying on his own brain to solve it.

Image credit: Comedy Central Image credit: Comedy Central

Colbert commended the child, writing that the boy, who clearly knows how to think, has "a bright future."

"Folks, this child has a bright future. He's only in second grade and can already clearly explain what it feels like to think," he said. "Now we just need to get him to explain what that feels like to whoever wrote the common core questions."

The crowd laughed and cheered over the child's answer and Colbert's quips.

Watch the segment below:


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