How do you celebrate a holiday seated in historic fact when today's culture is rooted in complete relativism? Jimmy Kimmel, host of ABC's "Jimmy Kimmel Live," struck the perfect balance Monday night with a very politically correct Thanksgiving pageant.
With the help of the Edward James Olmos Elementary School, Kimmel introduced the five-minute skit, but, in the name of cultural sensitivities, one student reminded the in-studio audience not to clap because "it's insensitive to people with no arms."
From there, the celebration poked fun at nearly every politically correct rule that exists today. The students mocked "cultural appropriation," "gender labels," "locally sourced" foods and "safe spaces," all before going on to pray to a "generic higher power."
"Dear generic higher power," the Thanksgiving blessing began, "who we choose to believe in, or not believe in, thank you, or never mind."
While most Americans will be embroiled in heated fights about this year's bitter presidential election and President-elect Donald Trump's most recent comments, this Thanksgiving pageant devolved into a massive argument over whether they should be eating turkey.
"Just as everyone's triggers were being alerted, a Thanksgiving miracle happened," the event's child narrator said.
So everyone ended up with "Tofurkey."
"You see, when we all come together to compromise, and spend all of our time trying to please everyone, we end up with a lumpy mound of brown goo," one of the kids instructed at the end.